Human Nature: The Weirdest Movie Ever
 
hmm, tricky  
© 2000 New Line  
The following is a dramatization. It is provided as a slightly informative, moderately entertaining, completely fictional, representation of what the pitch session for the upcoming film "Human Nature" might have been like. Now that I've got the disclaimer out of the way, let's begin:

[ Well-dressed pitch guy enters office of studio executive. ]

PITCH GUY:
"We've got this great script written by the guy who wrote 'Being John Malkovich.' It's gonna be weird, but great weird, really great weird. The movie is about this scientist, played by Tim Robbins, who is desperate to teach table manners to mice. Yeah, that's right! Mice! And this scientist, he has a girlfriend—Patricia Arquette—who's a naturalist, but she's weird too because, get this, she's really, really, hairy. Now these two are in love and doing their thing, but along the way they encounter this guy who was raised like an ape. He's a monkey man! Throwing crap and hanging on furniture! But this is the kicker: Ape man is played by Spike from "Notting Hill" -- that Ryhs Ifans guy. So Spike and hairy lady and Robbins get into this freaky love triangle, and that's where the movie goes. It just goes man. It goes into these really weird directions that'll be bigger than 'Malkovich'. That's right, it's gonna be bigger and funnier and weirder than 'Malkovich'. You're gonna want this one because it's gonna be big. I know it — it's gonna be big."

EXEC:
Yup.

[ Pitch guy leaves with multi-million dollar agreement and a big smile.]

You can probably see why I'm not making a living selling films in Hollywood, but hopefully you get the point: "Human Nature" is going to be one of the weirdest major releases to ever grace movie screens. Unfortunately, a release date has yet to be set, but the movie is in the can so sometime in 2001 this film — which could take "quirky" to a whole new level — will premiere.

If you're intrigued and thirst for more information, visit Upcomingmovies.com for news and commentary and check out French Premiere for recently-posted stills from the film.
Posted: 11/09/00