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Superheroes Hate James Marsden

James Marsden has the unique distinction of being in four of the biggest superhero movies of the last 10 years: "X-Men," "X2," X-Men: The Last Stand" and "Superman Returns."

Unfortunately, Marsden also has the unique distinction of being the most put upon actor in superhero history. He's made a career out of playing the morally-upright good guy whose desire for a happy home is thwarted by a cooler and/or more potent superhero rival.

Consider the evidence:

James Marsden as Cyclops In the "X-Men" films all Cyclops (Marsden) ever wants is to settle down with Jean Grey and raise a couple telekinetic kids who can blow the shit out of stuff with their eyes. But noooooo ... Wolverine saunters in and chops Cyclops' idyllic life to shreds with his adamantium claws and those ridiculous cheek muffs. Worst still, Jean sacrifices herself in "X2" and then comes back to life as the badass mutant Phoenix. "Hey honey, I'm home ... and I'm evil!"

Verdict: Cyclops = X-Tool.

200607-james-marsden2.jpg In "Superman Returns" Marsden is Richard White, a true-blue fiancee who has admirably stepped in to take care of glory-hound Pulitzer winner Lois Lane and her inhaler-snorting son. All Richard wants is to live in his far-too-nice-for-a-reporter seaside home with his neurotic fiancee and her moppy-haired kid. BUT NOOOOOOOO ... Superman returns after a five-year vacation and before you know it, Lois is floating over Metropolis with the Man of Steel while Richard fetches take-out for Lois and her friggin kid. Oh sure, Richard "technically" gets Lois, but it's a temporary gig. When the "Superman" sequel rolls around, you just know Richard is targeted for a freak sea-plane accident, or maybe he'll fall into the clutches of Lex Luthor and spend the entire film being tortured in a subterranean lair.

Verdict: Richard = Superman's Underoos.

Marsden has paid the price, run through the fire, jumped through all the hoops and tackled all those other do-gooder cliches. He deserves -- nay, requires -- an R-rated superhero role that lets him spout snarky lines, kick massive ass, and steal some noob's gorgeous girlfriend. James Marsden, your time is now! -- Mac Slocum

I hate you FOX and those 2 idiotic writers called Zak Penn and Simon Kinberg, I hope all of you die, because you killed the very first and leader of the X-men.

-- Posted by: Cyclops Fan at July 26, 2006 8:26 AM

I hate you WARNER BROS and those 3 idiotic writers called Dan Dougherty, Brian Singer and Dan Harris, I hope all of you die, because you killed the very first and leader of the Perry White nephews.

-- Posted by: Richard White Fan at July 26, 2006 2:04 PM

They should make Richard a Green Lantern in the next movie. (Should, but probably aren't going to) He's got the bravery, the smarts and the coolitude to be Hal's best buddy and drive Kyle insane. It would totally rock to see Hal give Rich his ring, and then Rich decide "Lois has made her choice and I don't want a woman who doesn't want me... but I think I'll kick Superman's butt just for general purposes...". Can you imagine the fight? Even if he didn't win it would be awesome. I'd so be there. So would Hal, actually. Probably laughing.

-- Posted by: Richard White, Green Lantern at August 1, 2006 10:36 PM