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Dedicated to trivial miscellany from across the entertainment Thunderdome.

May 25, 2005

Mock Light Saber Battle Sends 2 to Burn Unit

Yoda with light saber These are not the light sabers you're looking for ...

The Associated Press says a 20-year-old man and a 17-year-old woman were critically injured when one of their "light sabers" exploded during a duel Sunday evening outside London.

Yes. "Light sabers." The duo had filled glass fluorescent tubes with fuel in a bid to replicate the fictional laser swords from the "Star Wars" series. One thing led to another, and the two never-to-be-Jedi ended up with serious burns.

According to the AP, the fighters planned to videotape their mock battle. Clearly, the cautionary tale of Star Wars Kid has not been taken to heart.

The man and the woman are currently in a burn unit in England. Here's hoping for a speedy recovery and a future without accelerant-laden glass tubes.

And in case you're interested, we have all sorts of great "Star Wars" news on our "Star Wars" spotlight page. -- Mac

Posted by Mac at 10:52 AM | TrackBack (1)

May 01, 2005

Hasselhoff Claims Bollywood Award

Turns out Germans aren't the only ones who love David Hasselhoff. Reuters says the "Baywatch" star claimed the International Star of Year Award at Saturday's Bollywood Movie Awards.

Held in Atlantic City, N.J. (a fitting locale for an international awards ceremony), the Bollywood Movie Awards honored the best and brightest from India's film industry.

Yes, the question is obvious: What the hell does Hasselhoff have to do with Bollywood? According to Reuters, Hasselhoff's "work" on shows like "Baywatch" and "Knight Rider" has made him a star in India.

Hasselhoff, who was in attendance to accept his award, expressed his joy to Reuters. "I'm proud of shows like 'Baywatch' and 'Knight Rider' because it's about saving lives, not taking lives," Hasselhoff said.

That's great, Dave. Good for you.

Unrelated theological link: David Hasselhoff is the AntiChrist -- Mac

Posted by Mac at 01:33 PM | TrackBack (1)

April 12, 2005

A Shakespearean Family Feud ... With Guns

"Romeo and Juliet" is a tragedy wrapped in a cautionary tale: namely, don't date your enemies. Alas, this subtle warning was missed last weekend in Crescent City, Fla. The Associated Press says two feuding families engaged in a gunfight Sunday when a relationship between a teenage girl from one clan and a teenage boy from the other was uncovered. The result: six people between the ages of 14 and 22 were hospitalized for gun wounds; one is in serious condition.

According to the AP, discontent between the Soliz/Ortiz family and the Riojas family has been brewing for a year, but full-on angst boiled over on Saturday when a fight between "dozens" of family members broke out. On Sunday, the families upped the ante by shooting across the street at their neighborhood adversaries.

Charges have been filed and the battleground is now quiet, but everyone knows it's impossible to achieve a lasting peace when you're mixing families, guns and teenagers. -- Mac

Posted by Mac at 10:41 AM | TrackBack (0)

March 19, 2005

Pet Shop Owner Sees Satan on Turtle Shell

The Associated Press says an Indiana pet shop owner has seen the face of Satan ... on a turtle shell.

Bryan Dora, owner of the A-Dora-ble Pet Shop (get it?), says Lucky the turtle is now sporting a lovely shell ensemble complete with earth tone shading and a pointy-horned devil. Lucky developed his demon tattoo shortly after a fire gutted the pet shop in October. He was the only animal to survive the blaze.

Dora claims to see horns and a goatee on Lucky's shell. His story is outright wacky, but if you stare at this image long enough you can sorta see where he's coming from. Then again, Lucky's mark of the beast also looks a lot like that rabbit thing from "Donnie Darko."

Dora says Lucky's behavior hasn't changed since the Devil had his way with him. Like all good capitalists, Dora intends to suck every last penny from this moment in the sun by auctioning off a DVD chronicling Lucky's life. He'll also give the winning bidder the option of buying Lucky. Perhaps evil really is afoot. Or aturtle.* -- Mac

* Bad pun inspired by the A-Dora-ble Pet Shop.

Posted by Mac at 02:55 PM | TrackBack (0)

March 15, 2005

Lord of the Rings: The Musical

Frodo is poised for a revival -- a stage revival. Reuters says a "Lord of the Rings" musical will debut in Toronto in March 2006.

Show producers appear to understand the technological limitations of the theater. "We are ultimately dependent on 50 actors and musicians to tell the story rather than technology," says producer Kevin Wallace. Presumably, the Battle of Helm's Deep will be slightly less grandiose than its film progenitor.

And let's not forget the music. "There will be no singing and dancing Hobbits," says Wallace. "The music will be in a very traditional mold and draw on ethnic traditions."

Uh, who's ethnic traditions? Hobbits'? Orcs'? Gollum's? Wallace doesn't say. -- Mac

Posted by Mac at 01:37 PM | TrackBack (0)

March 04, 2005

Security Door Taunts Hefty Cops

A recent remodeling of the National Police headquarters in Stockholm, Sweden is mistakenly shutting heavy cops out of the building.

CNN says a built-in scale located near the building's security entrance monitors the weight of incoming visitors so that only one person can pass through at a time. But there's a glitch in the system -- anyone weighing more than 230 pounds is met by a terse message: "Stop! One at a time!" The scale then seals off the door and leaves the weighty visitor bewildered by the automated insult.

Police spokesperson Linda Widmark says the scale is supposed to be adjustable up to 350 pounds. "We'll have to get that fixed," Widmark says. If by "fixed" she means knocking the weight down to 120 pounds and adding a host of new messages ("Whoooooaaaa there, tubby" ... "Time to lay off those Krispy Kremes big fella!" ... "Chunk? Is that you? Do the Truffle Shuffle!"), then I wholeheartedly agree. -- Mac

Posted by Mac at 10:41 AM | TrackBack (0)

February 23, 2005

Donkey Popularity Tied to 'Shrek Effect'

People are morons. Here's the evidence: The BBC says an alarming number of donkeys are being purchased as pets and this "donkey craze" is partially inspired by the "Shrek" movies.

"It has certainly become apparent that there are a lot more donkeys appearing," says Peter Jinman, a former president of the British Veterinary Association.

But there's a problem. The people buying these animals don't have a clue about donkey upkeep and care. Donkeys require ample land and ample attention -- two things carefree owners generally lack. Moreover, donkeys generally don't sound like Eddie Murphy. This is because donkeys don't talk. They stand there. They run around. They do funny things with their ears. That's it.

Unfortunately, the donkey craze could continue as plans are afoot for "Shrek 3" and "Shrek 4." -- Mac

Posted by Mac at 05:54 PM | TrackBack (0)

February 18, 2005

Strip Club Thwarts Nudie Laws with Art

Regardless of your moral outlook, you have to give the adult industry props for being clever. Case in point: a strip club in Boise, Idaho has wormed its way through city anti-nudity laws by staging Art Club Nights.

Reuters says the Erotic City club lures aspiring (and drooling) "artists" with the prospect of drawing naked strippers. For $15, Art Club Night attendees are outfitted with a sketch pad, a pencil, and a prime seat for down and dirty doodle time.

By staging Art Club Night, the strip club falls within the boundaries of a Boise ordinance that only allows complete nudity if it has "serious artistic merit." -- Mac

Posted by Mac at 01:31 PM | TrackBack (0)

February 16, 2005

Dogs Playing Poker Cashes in at Auction

Dogs Playing Poker Ever see that painting with five dogs playing poker? Of course you have -- it's one of those icons of Americana that embarrasses the nation on the international stage.

Not anymore.

According to CNN/Money, two paintings in the "Dogs Playing Poker" series were auctioned on Tuesday by Doyle New York for a combined $590,400. Take that, Picasso.

The paintings -- titled "A Bold Bluff" and "Waterloo: Two" -- were snapped up by an anonymous buyer from New York City. Both masterworks were painted in 1903 by Cassius Marcellus Coolidge as part of a 16-painting set commissioned by a Minnesota advertising firm. CNN/Money notes that all 16 Coolidge paintings portray dogs in human situations, with nine of the 16 showcasing canines playing cards. -- Mac

Posted by Mac at 12:43 PM | TrackBack (0)

February 15, 2005

Saved by the Sneeze: Flu Delays Michael Jackson Trial

In a rare convergence of sickness and convenience, Michael Jackson's trip to a Santa Maria, Calif. courtroom was interrupted Tuesday by a nasty case of the flu. The Associated Press says the King of Pop was scheduled to be in the courtroom for continued jury selection, but his entourage was redirected to a nearby hospital so the felled singer could be treated for flu-like symptoms.

The AP says that a group of nearly 50 fans and reporters gathered outside the hospital. The AP does not say where these fans came from or why they continue to follow a performer who reached his creative apex 20 years ago.

Jackson's illness will delay legal proceedings for three or four days. Judge Rodney Melville noted that several members of the jury pool were also suffering from the flu.

Jackson is standing trial for allegedly molesting a minor at his Neverland Ranch. -- Mac

Posted by Mac at 03:51 PM | TrackBack (0)

January 21, 2005

Bush Hand Gesture Furrows International Brows

President George W. Bush shot an unusual hand gesture to the crowd during yesterday's inauguration ceremonies, and now the Associated Press says the international community is abuzz with speculation.

So what's this all about? Bush acknowledged the University of Texas Longhorns' marching band with the school's customary "horn" symbol (pinky up, index finger up, ring and middle fingers tucked beneath the thumb). Unfortunately, this same gesture also represents another "horned" beast -- the Devil. Whoops.

As international dust-ups go, the "horny hand affair" doesn't add up to much. Nonetheless, expect to soon see this image on a full line of t-shirts and bumper stickers. -- Mac

Posted by Mac at 03:25 PM

January 20, 2005

Get Out, Get Out Now: Woman Gives Birth to 16-Pound Baby

It should become law: Francisca Ramos dos Santos is never, ever, to be sassed or back-talked. The Associated Press says the 38-year-old Santos gave birth to a 16.7-pound baby boy on Tuesday at a hospital in Brazil. (Here's a picture of the big fella'.)

Bestowed with the name "Ademilton," the giant baby boy has the weight of a six-month old. Both he and his mother are doing fine, but the hospital's nursery has been beset by creaking noises and cracks in its load-bearing walls.

... And because you're undoubtedly curious: "Obviously the baby was born by Caesarean section," says hospital director Rita Leal. -- Mac

Posted by Mac at 12:51 PM

January 11, 2005

Nicolette Sheridan Claims Blackwell's Worst Dressed Crown

Mr. Blackwell has whipped out his Worst Dressed list yet again, and Reuters has in-depth coverage of this important global event.

And the winners are ...

10 Anna Nicole Smith Reality TV star; Trimspa spokesperson; professional train wreck
9 Meryl Streep Oscar-winning thespian; too talented to be on a crappy list like this
8 Paula Abdul "American Idol" judge; alleged singer; not-a-bad dancer
7 Britney Spears Pop singer; newlywed; Madonna kisser
6 Serena Williams Tennis star; better tennis player than her sister
5 Paris Hilton Reality TV star; hotel heiress; vapid incarnate
4 Courtney Love Singer; songwriter; Curt Cobain's second-worst decision
3 Jessica and Ashley Simpson Reality TV stars; singer (Jessica); lip-syncher (Ashley)
2 Lindsay Lohan Actress; singer; Surgeon General's warning for child stars
1 Nicolette Sheridan "Desperate Housewives" star; towel dropper


Posted by Mac at 11:09 PM

January 10, 2005

Businessman Sees Cash in the Clouds

A star with your name? Check. A plot on the moon? Check. Your very own cloud? Coming soon, quite possibly. At least if enterprising lawyer Vladimir Osipiv gets his way.

Osipiv, 48, from Russia, in a bid to follow in the footsteps of American Dennis Hope, who laid claim to the moon in 1980, has posted ownership papers in 150 countries, effectively hoping to privatize heretofore ownerless clouds worldwide.

But what, you may ask, could anyone do with a bunch of clouds? According to London daily Metro, Osipiv plans to sell the clouds to environmental campaigners, cleverly paving the way for people wanting to sue governments everywhere for pollution of the aforementioned objects. Not to mention to make a quick buck for himself, I reckon.

After all, Hope, whose self-prescribed alias is The Head Cheese, managed to sell plots on the moon to more than 2 million people worldwide and continues to do so through his Lunar Embassy Web site, where $19.95 gets you a whole acre (prime view, obviously) on the moon and an extra $2.50 gives it that extra special touch by personalizing the deed with your name.

So far Osipiv has not said how much he will be asking per cloud, and whether size, density and fluffiness will be factors in individual sales. But if you're still searching for that perfect present for that special someone, you'd better get in on the deal early, before JLo snaps up a bunch and makes it a trend. -- Eva

Posted by Mac at 08:31 PM

January 04, 2005

Inmate Sues Stephen King over Green Mile Similarities

Boston.com says James T. Richards, an inmate at the Norfolk Correctional Center in Dedham, Mass., is suing Stephen King over similarities between a book Richards wrote in 1988 and King's best-selling novel "The Green Mile."

Richards' book, "The Selling of the President -- 2000," features a Native American character named John Coffey who's blessed with magic healing powers. King's novel also features a character named John Coffey, and this character just happens to possess magic healing powers! Alas, the similarities fall by the wayside when it comes to the character's ethnicity, for King's Coffey is African American.

In his suit, Richards says he sent King a copy of his manuscript, but, oddly enough, he never heard back from the author.

Richards wants publisher Simon & Schuster to stop selling "The Green Mile" and he wants Warner Bros. to stop distributing the 1999 film adaptation. And, oh yeah, he also wants $10 million. -- Mac

Posted by Mac at 05:47 PM

December 15, 2004

Lonely Heads Find Peace on New "Lap Pillow"

It took a while, but this year's must-have holiday item has finally emerged. Ladies and gentlemen, cast your eyes upon the "lap pillow."

The Associated Press says the foam apparatus gives lonely souls a place to rest their sorry heads. Priced to sell at $90, the laps mimic a woman's thighs with stunning accuracy. They feature a choice of red or black skirts, life-like skirt wrinkles, calibrated thigh softness, and (I can't believe I'm about to write this) panty lines.

The lap pillow is only available in Japan, but an idea this good knows no geographic boundaries. Don't be surprised when variations on the same theme emerge: the Man Lap, Grandma's Lap-O-Happy, Grandpa's Kinda-Creepy Lap, and, for adult connoisseurs, the Magic Fingers Vibrating Lap. -- Mac

Posted by Mac at 03:42 PM

December 14, 2004

Column: Top Five Movies That Make You Cry Like a Newborn

The Film Junkes aren't afraid to enjoy a good cry. With that in mind, Filmfodder's resident movie buffs deliver their Top Five Movies that Make You Cry Like a Newborn. Prepare to get your weep on.

Posted by Mac at 10:25 PM | Comments (1)

December 11, 2004

LiveStrong or Die Now?

If you're sporting one of those yellow LiveStrong bracelets, you might want to take it off before visiting your local hospital. The Associated Press says the Tampa, Fla.-based BayCare Health Systems hospital chain has started taping over the yellow bracelets because, at BayCare outlets, a yellow bracelet is synonymous with a "do not resuscitate" order. That's right. Yellow = Don't bring me back under any circumstances.

The AP says the measure is proactive -- no one has been offed because of a mix-up. "We wouldn't want to mistake a Lance Armstrong bracelet and not resuscitate someone we're supposed to," says Lisa Johnson, vice president of patient services at one of BayCare's health centers.

Lisa, that's why you get the big money.

The AP notes that not all hospitals use the same color coding system. Nonetheless, it's best to check because dying sucks even when irony is involved. -- Mac

Posted by Mac at 10:48 PM

November 30, 2004

Hardee's Clogs Pipes with Monster Thickburger

Hardee's Monster Thickburger Prepare for an onslaught of ground-beef nastiness. The Associated Press says fast-food chain Hardee's will roll out an $8-$10 million ad campaign touting its new Monster Thickburger.

The Thickburger, which rolled out a couple weeks ago, has provided late-night comics with plenty of material. And for good reason; this behemoth straps on two 1/3-lb. patties, four strips of bacon, three slices of American cheese, mayonnaise and a buttered (of course) sesame seed bun. Total calories: 1,417. Total fat: 107 grams. And that's just the burger. Toss in a large fry and a small Coke and those figures jump to 2,282 calories and 136 grams of fat. -- Mac

Posted by Mac at 04:27 PM

November 28, 2004

Dad Turns Daughter in to Police, Daughter Rats out Dad

This story is very sad. It's also very, very funny.

The Associated Press says Kevin Winston, a 46-year-old Newark, NJ resident, narced out his 16-year-old daughter to police after she stumbled home drunk Friday at 2:45 a.m. But there was a problem -- well, three problems:

  1. The daughter wasn't that drunk
  2. Winston had a stash of weapons and cocaine in the house
  3. The daughter knew exactly where the contraband was hidden

Whoops.

In perhaps the swiftest turning of the tables ever recorded, the daughter led officers to a crawl space where Daddy kept four semiautomatic guns and more than 600 vials of cocaine. The father was immediately charged with a slew of weapons and drug charges and his five daughters were handed over to a relative. -- Mac

Posted by Mac at 12:07 PM

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