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Taxi

  Taxi
"Don't ever say you're funnier than Sandler. EVER!"

© 2004, Fox
All Rights Reserved

Belle (Queen Latifah) is a NASCAR-loving speed freak who has just received her taxi license. Aggressively driving her tricked-out cab around New York City, Belle rules the road. Washburn (Jimmy Fallon) is a brainless cop (and a poor driver) who has a habit of screwing up everything he touches. When a team of Brazilian supermodels (led by Gisele Bundchen) begins a series of bank robberies, Belle and Washburn are the only witnesses to the team's true identities and they pair up to break the case, hoping to restore Washburn's standing with his captain (Jennifer Esposito) in the process.

"Taxi" (IMDb listing), a remake of the 1998 Luc Besson French comedy, is a film hopelessly searching for laughs. The new film doesn't have the strongest pedigree in terms of talent -- "Barbershop" director Tim Story guides it -- but films as lightweight as this usually can be counted on for a few smiles, thrills, and good times. "Taxi" lacks all three.

I can only imagine some of the more ridiculous aspects to "Taxi" were lost in translation, but that doesn't stop Story from trying to match the French tone with his collage of Brazilian supermodel bank robbers and dweeby, non-threatening Jimmy Fallon as a New York cop. Story wasn't the best choice to helm this film, as all it seems he can bring to the production are repetitive swooping camera moves to capture the car chases, and infinite belief that Fallon and Queen Latifah are the two funniest actors on Earth. Heavens, was Story wrong there.

I liked Jimmy Fallon during his years on "Saturday Night Live." He was always able to enjoy himself under the most depressing of comedic situations. He's a goofball, but a funny, good-natured one, and he showed a surprising dramatic side in Cameron Crowe's immaculate "Almost Famous." However, Fallon in "Taxi" (his lead acting debut) is nothing more than a skittish freshman trying to win his high school over during the spring talent show. Nothing the comedian says or does works, with Fallon punctuating every situation with needless mugging and prancing, as if he's acutely aware that what he's been asked to do has no chance for laughs. Story lets Fallon do whatever he pleases, which results in scene after scene of obnoxious, unmercifully unfunny material.

Queen Latifah is even worse. After scoring an Oscar nomination with her musical/dramatic work in "Chicago," the former rapper has made a curious decision and now seems to only act in urban-flavored comedies where she gives reprehensible performances. Straight off her nightmarish September production "The Cookout," Latifah gives another performance where she overestimates her street appeal. Making obscure jokes about Daewoo cars and clad only in tracksuits, Latifah is hopeless. She has zero chemistry with Fallon (can you imagine a more awkward comedy team?), and her charming demeanor (which has saved her performances before) is trapped under Story's action oriented persuasions. Latifah's best gag is actually one that is unintentional: her character is introduced as one of the fastest, most crafty bike messengers in New York City. If only the rest of the film had such lofty comedic aspirations.

The only member of the cast that really belongs in such an oddball film like "Taxi" is Gisele Bundchen, a Victoria's Secret model making her acting debut. As the lead bank robber, Bundchen isn't asked to do much outside of toss her silky locks around, feel up costar Jennifer Esposito (don't ask), and shoot guns. It isn't brain surgery, but Bundchen has unexpected film presence. She's the only member of the cast who doesn't speak very much, and for that I'm bottomlessly grateful. Bundchen would make a kickass Bond girl, that's for sure.

The unadvertised heart and soul to "Taxi" are the car chases, which made the original film a minor classic in Europe. Story is certainly game to throw around some expendable automobiles, but the energy and pizzazz are missing from the near misses and pileups. Look one way, and you have two lead actors who couldn't be more unfunny. Look the other way, and you can view poorly captured car chases. Or look ahead and watch four Brazilian bank robbing supermodels (that's a personal choice). Anyway you look, the final result is the same: "Taxi" just doesn't work.

Filmfodder Grade: D



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