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Commentary: "Snakes" on the Brain

Snakes on a PlaneAll summer long we've been hearing about "Snakes on a Plane" and the bizarre journey that took it from low-level B-Movie to high-profile summer release. We've heard the stories about Sam Jackson leaking the title of the movie to prevent the studio from changing the name. We've heard about the re-shoots to take the movie from a PG-13 thriller to a hard-R action adventure.

I know what you're asking: "But was it any good?"

Fuck yes it was good!

Was it an Oscar worthy movie?

No! Of course, it wasn't Oscar worthy. This was "Snakes on a Plane." This movie didn't have to be well directed, or even particularly well plotted. This movie needed a few key elements to succeed and I believe it contained all the necessary ingredients to satisfy the core fan base of this type of sensationalized film:

  1. Snakes – Hundreds of snakes. Big and small, fat and skinny. It was awesome as hell. Fucking snakes were everywhere and biting everyone and hissing and rattling. Lots of snakes.

  2. Boobs – Some hot chicks were on display throughout the entire film but what pushed this over-the-top and right into position for a dedicated cult following are two tanned, double Ds that grace the screen somewhere around minute 45 and then pay off ... I'll get back to that in a moment ...

  3. Samuel L. Jackson – He said, "motherfucker" a lot. He also punched a snake, kicked some snakes, shocked some snakes, shot a snake and charmed the pants off of Julianna Margulies. This man is one of my favorite actors, he commits to every performance he gives no matter what the role. He doesn't disappoint and he carries this movie the entire time.

  4. Comic Relief – Two fat black dudes who bicker, play video games, trade hilarious quips and deliver some of the script's best lines are the anchors for the comic relief necessary for breaking up the tension once all hell breaks loose on the plane. Also, depending on how dark your sense of humor is, several hilarious "kill-shots" of snakes biting everything from a dude's penis to the previously mention double Ds.

  5. Gore – Did I mention snakes snacking on penis and boobs? Did I mention snakes crawling out of people's throats, eyes and noses? Did I mention impalement? How about a metal spike through someone's cheek or how about poison- and pus-filled wounds, foaming at the mouth and a man being swallowed alive by a giant python?
If you didn't like this movie because it wasn't well directed, it didn't have a coherent plot, it could have been better acted or if you thought the lighting could have been better, then I think you saw the wrong movie. If you didn't like this movie because it was gross and violent ... then you also saw the wrong movie.

If you liked "Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight" or "From Dusk Till Dawn" then this is the movie for you. If you want to see snakes eating people, mayhem, boobs and some good old fashioned carnage then this is the movie for you.

I give it five out of five snake-bitten penises. -- Shawn DePasquale, Comic Fodder Editor


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Posted by Mac on August 22, 2006 3:26 PM
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I'm bored in one of my classes and types this up a couple minutes ago...and shortly after checked filmfodder and found this! Crazy.

“Snakes on a Plane” has dared to dream. Those loveable slithery absent-legged creatures are so cute and vivacious that you can’t help but feel for every one of the little reptiles that get stomped on, stabbed, torched, shot, sucked out of the plane, and so on and so forth. What was originally advertised as a thriller has turned out to be a wildly satirical and comedic frame by frame production that people can’t help but enjoy. “I’m tired of these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!” Neville yells at the FBI agent on the ground, as if the poor guy could actually do something about it! To the movie reviewers who went in to review this movie, thinking that it would be an Oscar worthy epic, I’m sorry. It’s not what the Academy would nod at, but it is something that the general movie-going audience can have a fun time with, preferably after a few drinks. This movie, rather than poking fun of itself and its cheesy premise, takes a stab at B-movies in general. It’s almost as if Crow and Tom Servo broke into the movie-writing business, ultimately unable to escape the B-movie rut they had been subjected to for ten years on that lonely prison-satellite. The film reminds us that exploitation can be really good, in a time when exploitation flicks have sucked the soul out of the summer movie season. This movie had everything! A guy getting his penis attacked by a snake (which was SUCH a painful scene to watch!), a girl’s breast getting attacked by a snake, a woman’s tongue being attached by a snake anxiously waiting in a vomit bag, a woman being pleasured by a snake until finally having her eye socket attacked by the snake, a Chihuahua named Mary-Kate getting thrown to a boa constrictor to be swallowed alive, and the annoying British businessman who threw the dog being eaten by the constrictor- this movie’s got everything you can ask for in a movie titled “Snakes on a Plane,” and then some! Try to think of how many places a snake cane hide on a plane before belting out an attack on an unsuspecting character. Try to check off who you think will die, and who you think will miraculously survive as the movie introduces you to our beloved and not-so-beloved characters! It’s fun! And finally, try to figure out what the fuck “time is tissue” means!

-- Posted by: Phil at August 22, 2006 4:47 PM

Great Review...thought snakes on a plane was good entertaining...a no brain movie w/some humor and yuck. samuel jackson is good in any role.

right on shawn...good review right on the snake jd

-- Posted by: John De at August 22, 2006 7:28 PM

i laughed i cried i cringed i jumped. what more could you want? so bad it was sinfully good!
L~

-- Posted by: Laura at August 23, 2006 1:25 AM

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