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Lost Caption: Michael, you got some 'splainin' to do.

Last week, Sayid and Desmond learned that all is not well for Captain Gault. Cabin fever is driving his crew to the depths of insanity, the kitchen's closed, and a saboteur is wreaking havoc aboard his freighter and passing disparaging notes about him to his Lima bean eating "guests". They later discover that the fly in his ointment is a deck swabber named Kevin Johnson - Ben's man on the boat - who also bears a striking resemblance to... Harold Perrineau! That's right! Michael Dawson is back! The 2004 Father of the Year Candidate is now serving as an extra pair of bug-eyes aboard the freighter for the very man who sent him and Walt to bearing "325" in Season Two's finale "Live Together, Die Alone"

For this edition of the LOST Photo Caption, we go back to the Pala Ferry pier on the day Michael and Walt sailed away into the purple sunset.. to rescue? to the past? the future?

As soon as Kevin Johnson finishes scrubbing brains from the wall, there's an Iraqi torturer who wants answers to his questions. Michael, you got some 'splainin' to do!

Post your captions, or other LOST ramblings in the comments area below. Namaste!

Posted by vacc on March 17, 2008 12:55 PM |

Ben: "Please follow bearing 325 and you'll hit the local Hair's right next to the Big&Tall&Ghost Outlet on Via Vincent Ave."

#1. Posted by: Red...Neck...Man at March 17, 2008 1:11 PM

Michael had to find his son..
So he locked me up and stole a gun.
When some of us went after him..
Tom said "never cross this line again"..

Now I'm sittin on the dock of the bay..
Watching as Michael sails away
Oooh, I'm just sittin' on the dock of the bay..
Gagged and Tied..

I left my home and mother
Headed for Austrail - eye - ayy
'Cause I used Leonard's numbers
Ever since a curse has come my way

So now I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay..
While Libby's killer gets away..
Oooh, I'm sitting on the dock of the bay..
Hating Mi.. eye..eye..chael..

(Ben - to Michael)
Look how much Walt has changed.
So much taller than before
There's one more thing I need you to do
Or your son will be dead by season four, yeah

Sittin with a gun to my head..
This reminds me of a book that I read..
Hoping for a chance to kill Zeke
Burt our situations looking bleak

Now I'm just kneeling next to Doc on the bay..
Wondering how much Hugo weighs
Oooh yeah I'm sittin on the dock of the bay..
Wave good bye..eye..eye..eye..

Sittin next to Sawyer and Jack..
And my hands are tied behind my back..
When Alex tried to cop a feel.
Thats when I knew this danger was real..

Now I'm here sitting at the dock of the bay
Hoping Sayid will save the day..
Season Three seems so far away..
Purple sky.. eye..eye..eye..

#2. Posted by: vacc at March 17, 2008 1:21 PM

So now I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay..

Great job--- too bad only the three of us will see it.

Have you read my theories?

#3. Posted by: Bud Said (Smith) at March 17, 2008 1:37 PM

i guess micheal thought that 325 was the speed he had maintain!

or 325 was the fastest way to an smalltime shitty job on a rusty freighter.

#4. Posted by: luuk at March 17, 2008 4:27 PM

@ vacc #2: Too funny! It'll be hard to top this one...

#5. Posted by: Alaïs_Longthought at March 17, 2008 4:49 PM

Vacc -- AMAZING.
Can't top that... I'm not sure I should even try.

#6. Posted by: ilovebenjaminlinusxx at March 17, 2008 5:11 PM

Go vacc, nice one!

#7. Posted by: The Duf at March 17, 2008 5:31 PM

→ 2. Posted by: vacc

You win. The end.

#8. Posted by: lovelost at March 17, 2008 6:55 PM

*** Editor's note : It simply cannot be overstated how the quality of the acting makes LOST the most amazing show on television EVER!

Take this scene for example. Captions and Dialog could never do this photo the justice it deserves. The true horror of this scene is conveyed in the unspoken gestures between the captured survivors.

Kate: (nudges Jack with her elbow and directs his gaze towards Michael)

Jack: (looks blankly for a moment, then his eyes widen in recognition. )

Kate: (shudders in horror as Jack confirms with his expression what she had begun to suspect... )

Sawyer: (cringes, realizing that Jack and Kate's discovery also explains the familiar taste in his gagged mouth)

Hurley: (His expression reflects the very same question his fellow captives have: Dude, is that sling Michael's using to immobilize his self-inflicted gunshot wound really..? )

Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Hurley: (telepathically) "Cindy's Scarf!"

#9. Posted by: vacc at March 17, 2008 7:12 PM

vacc, you are a genius!

#10. Posted by: mrsdobalena at March 17, 2008 7:29 PM

Gilligan’s Island after a 3-hour tour through the Vile Vortex:

Tom = Skipper
Ben = Gilligan
Kate = Mary Ann (looking remarkably like her mug shot)
Alex = Ginger
Hurley = The Professor, who just ate Thurston and Lovey
Michael = Harlem Globetrotter

#11. Posted by: Clementine at March 17, 2008 7:51 PM

Ben: Well done! Your journey to the dark side of the force is nearly complete. Henceforth, you shall be known as DARTH JOHNSON!

Tom: Excuse me, Mr. Linus... You said henceforth I would be known as Darth Johnson.

Ben: Oh... yeah.. (turns to Michael) Henceforth, you shall be known as KEVIN Johnson!

#12. Posted by: vacc at March 17, 2008 8:05 PM

I am an oscene disgusting pig with no morals who makes the majority of lost fans throw up.

#13. Posted by: joe at March 17, 2008 8:06 PM

JOE . . ? . . I'm a bit confused. Just exactly which of the people in the picture is making this speech? . . .

Or is this a bubble caption over Tom"s head? . . .

#14. Posted by: davidrh at March 17, 2008 8:17 PM

@13 : joe LOL. That's way too funny. Your 1804 word socio-political tirade so perfectly captured what this picture is trying to convey. Are you sure you aren't really LAFFO?

To be fair to the other readers of this blog who may not have the time to read all 1804 words, I've condensed your posting to include only the relevant words from your original entry.

If you believe that this has altered the meaning of your humorous caption, please let me know and I'll delete your entry from this week's contest.

#15. Posted by: vacc at March 17, 2008 8:47 PM

@joe: Don't let these guys give you a hard time. I know that it was Michael speaking in your caption, and I somewhat agree with the sentiment :)

#16. Posted by: Clementine at March 17, 2008 8:58 PM

I'm Michael the sailor man
I mop up that big tin can
I scrub all the grime-a
From all of those limas
I'm Michael the sailor man.

#17. Posted by: Scooby-Dude at March 17, 2008 9:41 PM

Joe - 13 was definitely talking about Jack.
...even though he's not really in the picture.

#18. Posted by: ilovebenjaminlinusxx at March 18, 2008 12:11 PM

@18 ilovebenjaminlinusxx & @16 Clementine

The posting above by Joe #13 was originally an 1800 word SPAM message that was also posted on hundreds, possibly thousands of other blogs.

Rather than deleting the post as I usually do, I attempted to make fun of the poster by selecting a handful of choice words from his socio-political manifesto and making it appear as a fitting caption, although in actuality it is intended to be about the poster himself.

However, in fairness to Joe, you can still see the complete text of his original post on any one of the thousands of blogs that were spammed by Googling the phrase "that filthy pig Oprah" which appears prominently in the posting.

#19. Posted by: vacc at March 18, 2008 12:48 PM

Dear vacc,
1. Thank you for the delightful "Dock of the Bay" entry #2. Still have the song running through my head. Favorite line = "Now I'm just kneeling next to Doc on the bay.. Wondering how much Hugo weighs" = priceless, absolutely priceless.
2. Your entry #9 = also priceless. I feel sorry for those who have no clue what "Cindy's Scarf" means. That was another great piece of writing.
3. Thanks for deleteing the SPAM!!! I, too, thought laffo had returned...

Now, would somebody turn off the music please?

#20. Posted by: BunnyLover at March 18, 2008 3:58 PM

@vacc: Oh, so Joe was really making a comment about himself. Thanks for clearing that up ;)

#21. Posted by: Clementine at March 18, 2008 5:36 PM

@BunnyLover: Good to see you, BL!

Well, now I'm on the spot because people will see 2 comments have been added and come here looking for something witty. And all they get is me talking to vacc and BunnyLover.

Uh... umm... oh....

I got nothing.

#22. Posted by: Clementine at March 18, 2008 5:45 PM

Did "The Gap" sponsor this episode?

#23. Posted by: ealgumby at March 18, 2008 10:19 PM

vacc, your the best. Your remake was perfect! I'll be singing that song for a long time to come.

But I have to say this comment was the coffee out the nose moment for me:

Did "The Gap" sponsor this episode?
→ 23. Posted by: ealgumby at March 18, 2008 10:19 PM

And doch (i think) complained we weren't funny anymore!

Thanks you guys!

And a shout out to bunnylover. Glad you're back!

#24. Posted by: En Provence at March 19, 2008 7:39 AM

→ 24. Posted by: En Provence
And doch (i think) complained we weren't funny anymore!
At ease there mademoiselle! Mon dieu. Do your research before you hang that anvil around my neck. All "unfunny" comments were - in ...lost/archives/004460.shtml
primarily -
→ 563. Posted by: davidrh
and some -
→ 570. Posted by: Clementine

#25. Posted by: DocH at March 19, 2008 5:26 PM

→ 25. Posted by: DocH at ease there mademoiselle! Mon dieu. Do your research before you hang that anvil around my neck. All "unfunny" comments were - in ...lost/archives/004460.shtml
primarily -
→ 563. Posted by: davidrh
and some -
→ 570. Posted by: Clementine

Man, I'm 0 for 2 here. First I call shikotee by ILBLXX's name then I horribly, wrongfully name you an sourpuss. Mea culpa DocH, I gotta check my meds!

In fact, I wouldn't be at all surprised if it was actually ME who complained about plot non-advancement!)

To offer an, albeit weak, excuse; I get you and davidrh mixed up sometimes because both your names start and end with the same letters. Lame, I know.

Not as sharp as I used to be!

Thanks for the correction. And the compliment, no one's called me mademoiselle in decades!

#26. Posted by: En Provence at March 19, 2008 7:02 PM

Alex (in the background): "I wonder if I can cop a feel on Kate before throwing her in a bear cage without anyone else noticing."

Tom: Damn, Hugo's got some nice man-titties! I wonder if I can cop a feel on 'em before sending him back to camp without anyone else noticing.

#27. Posted by: Trinity at March 19, 2008 10:51 PM

Perrineau: "My mind is clearer now, at last, all too well.....uh what

Emerson: "Jesus, Harold, do you even know what set your on.

Perrinneau: "Easy there McMannus, we all know this is Oz, where is my homeboy Adebisi at?"

#28. Posted by: Diggler at March 19, 2008 11:59 PM

Ben: "Alright, who ripped one? My god that is awful!"

Tom: (thought bubble) ("Yeah... that was me... who's mister friendly now?)

Hurley: (eyes swelling up)(thought bubble) ("Please evil island twin standing right behind me... pull the trigger - dude! pull... the... trigger!")

#29. Posted by: MorBid0 at March 20, 2008 9:49 AM

29 cont.

Kate: (nostrils flaring, gag reflex starting) (thought bubble) ("I'm going to choke to death on my own vomit... what is that smell? It's... it's... it's like lima beans... from world war two.")

Michael: (throws a bug-eyed stare back at Ben) "Hey man! You smelt it... you dealt it!"

#30. Posted by: MorBid0 at March 20, 2008 10:19 AM

Hurley: "Dude, this is one strict diet."

#31. Posted by: Cecil Rose at March 20, 2008 6:15 PM

other two and this preference seems generally to have been given to the first time mom lesbian again. The one may frequently have done the whole, but the other hsnrihvjdrj

#32. Posted by: Jennifaer at April 11, 2008 1:12 AM

Rest in peace Michael Dawson. I created a tribute in his honor. Check it out!

#33. Posted by: Tony Jones at June 3, 2008 11:10 AM

  1. If your post contains spoilers -- or even hints at spoilers -- add ***** SPOILERS ***** to the top of your comment.
  2. Your post will NOT immediately show up if you post any URLs. Because of ongoing spam issues, I need to manually approve comments that include links. This sucks, but it's the only solution at this time.
  3. Super-long URLs screw up the page. If you post one of these, people will get very angry at you and really, no one wants that. The solution is easy. Go to and create a mini URL.
  4. Do not post under multiple identities and then have inane conversations with yourself. This kind of nonsense will get you banned from the blog.
  5. Do not post in ALL CAPS FOR YOUR ENTIRE POST. In netiquette, all caps suggests you're screaming. In etiquette, it's lame. All-caps posts will be deleted.
  6. Please scan through previous posts to see if someone has already addressed your theory or comment.

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