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Lost Caption: Jack and Locke Butt Heads

Jack Shephard... John Locke... One is a man of science - the other a man of faith. One desperately wants to leave the Island... The other will do whatever it takes to remain. While both are looked upon as leaders by the survivors of Oceanic Flight 815, they are constantly at odds - often polar opposites in their belief about what is in the best interest of their fellow castaways.

In the Season One finale "Exodus", the pair of Island heroes actually agree on one thing - that the hatch must be opened - even if their motives are not quite the same. Locke believes the hatch holds the answers he so desperately seeks to all the secrets of the Island. Jack is simply trying to provide a place for the survivors to hide in anticipation of an attack by the Island's inhabitants - the Others.

In this climactic scene, Locke is being dragged into the ground by the Island monster, and Jack quickly springs to his rescue. Of course, even here they can't agree - Locke doesn't wish to be saved, steadfast in his belief that his faith in the Island will keep him safe. Jack has a different idea - and, taking a page right out of the bestselling book "What Would Locke Do?", he throws some explosives at the problem... "Fire in the hole!"... "BOOM"...

Enter your captions, or other LOST ramblings in the comments area below. And smile.. because the wait is nearly over... Season Four of LOST comes roaring back with all new episodes beginning this Thursday, April 24 - at it's new time: 10PM.

On behalf of the DeGroots, Alvar Hanso, and all of us here at the Lost Blog - thank you, Namasté, and good luck!

jack and lock butt heads
Posted by vacc on April 20, 2008 6:12 PM |

Locke: So Jack, I guess there's only one thing left to say... I love you.

Jack: I love you too John!

Locke: You know what Desmond would say in this situation?

Jack and Locke (together): See you in another life, BROTHA.

Smokey: This is not a time to have a sentimental conversation! (Pulls Locke more towards the hole)

(Jack screams for his life and reaches towards Kate for the dynamite)

Jack: YOU WILL NEVER STEAL MY LOVE!!! NEVERRRR. (throws dynamite into Smokey)

Smokey: Rats. (lets go of John, gets attacked by rats).

Locke: I knew that just because you're a man of science and I'm a man of faith we would still be meant for each other!

Kate (thinks to self): Guess I gotta pick Sawyer now...

#1. Posted by: ilovebenjaminlinusxx at April 21, 2008 12:33 PM

"Jack, it's fine. I can see it now. Just above the hairline . . . it's nothing to worry about. It's really not any kind of flesh eating parasite. It's just a really bad pimple."

#2. Posted by: davidrh at April 21, 2008 12:41 PM

"I give, John, I promise I'll never do 'Noogies!' again."


"Tastes great!"
"Less filling!"
"Tastes great!"
"Less filling!"


"39 to go. So who do you reckon's hiring in 2010?"

#3. Posted by: Cecil Rose at April 21, 2008 12:52 PM

(in the heat of the moment)

John: "Jack!... Say it again!... Repeat After Me!... 'WHO... DO... YOU... WORK FOR... NUMBER TWO'?!"

(later when all is calm)

Jack: "Wow. This new open air, two seat john that Ben had installed really helps with the 'mutually support' during trying times... uh... hmm... I mean latrine... not john... John. Sorry Locke I keep forgetting."

John: "Whatever you say Jack."

#4. Posted by: DocH at April 21, 2008 2:36 PM

Jack: "John, I need you to start pushing now, OK? Ready? 1...2...3...push!"

Locke: (grunts loudly)

Jack: "Good, John! Bear down! Bear down! Don't forget to breathe, though. Hee-hee-hooooo, hee-hee-hooooo!"

Locke: (keeps grunting, pushing, and squealing)

Jack: Good, John! You're crowning! You're almost more big push should do it, OK?"

Locke: "I can't! I can't do this anymore! It hurts too much!"

Jack: "No, John, you CAN do this! I know you can! And I'm gonna help you, I promise. Now, push for me. C'mon, push!"


Jack: There! It's out, John! You did it! It's beautiful! And so big, too. I'd say at least 8 lbs!"

Locke: "Holy sh-t...that's the last time I ever eat DHARMA cheese!"

#5. Posted by: Trinity at April 21, 2008 7:24 PM

Jack: Take my hand, John.

Locke: Let me go, Jack. I know what I'm doing.

Jack: What? Letting a smoke monster drag you into a hole?

Locke: I'm a sacrifice the Island demanded.

Jack: I won't let go. (Jack pulls harder)

Locke: (Screams in agony as his body is ripped in half from the brutal tug-o-war)

Jack: (fights back tears) I'll fix you. I promise you'll dance at your wedding.

Top Half of Locke: (smiles) Don't you mean OUR wedding?

#6. Posted by: vacc at April 21, 2008 9:02 PM

Vacc, you're a sick puppy...but me likes!

#7. Posted by: JoePike at April 22, 2008 8:22 AM

"Locke, Doc and Two Smoking Barrels"

Locke: "Did vacc just call us Buttheads."

Doc: "He did! You know what that means?"

Locke: "YES I DO!"

[Both men, MOS & MOF, turn up-camera and empty their pistols into vacc. In unison, they pop out their spent magazines, reload and continue to fire into vacc.)

Locke: "Looks like we finished him off Doc".

Doc: "No, I think I can save him Locke".

Locke: "You'd better Doc. He has a finale review to write in a few weeks at FilmFodder."

(eyes glazed over, vacc looks up and thinks, 'Waaalllttt?'.)

Doc: "At least he got your name right... Butt Head!"

Locke: "What? Because of the chrome dome?"

Doc: "yeah... I CALL DIBS ON BEAVIS".

Locke: "Whatever... I used to call Charlie that because of his hair."

#8. Posted by: MorBid0 at April 22, 2008 11:21 AM

Based upon photo above ...

Wilford Brimley (Locke): Jack, have you ever considered your options with regard to managing die-uh-bet-ush?

Pigeon-beaked human (Jack): What? I'm busy pecking these seeds from the ground ... so many seeds!

#9. Posted by: ealgumby at April 23, 2008 12:00 AM

Mafioso ...

Don Locke: "I cannot give you the kiss of death, unless you look me in the eye."

Jack: "Sorry, capo, but your fly is open."

#10. Posted by: ealgumby at April 23, 2008 12:26 AM

pic shows Jack just about to head-butt Locke ...

Jack: Oh crap, that hurts!

Locke (shaken, but not stirred): You should know better as a doctor ... use the forehead (smacks Jack squarely in the nose with his broad forehead, sends blood streaming in all directions) ...

#11. Posted by: ealgumby at April 23, 2008 12:40 AM

I'll never drink again....BAAAARPH

#12. Posted by: john at April 23, 2008 12:46 AM

Jack (aka Moe): Hey Puddinhead, where's Larry?
Locke (aka Curly): I tink he's makin' supper.
Sawyer (aka Larry) from off-screen: Hey, I'm cooking fillet of sole. Who want's the heel?
Jack: I'll take it. I got a tapeworm and that's good enough fer 'im.
Locke: I'll take the laces. I like pasta.
Sawyer: Good, I'll take the tongue. You want sauce?
Locke: Soitenly! Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

#13. Posted by: ransomjackson at April 23, 2008 9:27 AM

Jack: How does it smell?

Locke: Very fresh. I like it. What did you call it again?

Jack: It just said Dharma on the bottle. I think it's their version of "Prell."

Locke: Or the liquid remains of the Purge.

Jack: (barf)

Locke: Just stay out of Ben's closet, OK? And the refrigerator, too.

#14. Posted by: Clementine at April 23, 2008 12:55 PM

LOST IS SO GREAT, I absolutely cannot wait for it to come back on thursday, and I think the episode will be really great since we've been on a break. The producers have had plenty of time to get it together and come up with something really good. I can't wait to find out the fate of our favorite cast members. However, I am a little upset about the time change, I miss the good old days when you only had to wait until 8 p.m. to watch! 10, are you kidding me? I guess this means that they will make things even more racy then they already have, why else would they make us wait an extra hour???

#15. Posted by: Carroll Poppalardo at April 23, 2008 3:01 PM

Locke: So how about Kate?

Jack: What about her?

Locke: You hittin that?

Jack: What's it to you?

Locke: Just curious... You know, I like my women the same way I like my coffee.

Jack: ...?

Locke: anally.

#16. Posted by: robislost at April 23, 2008 4:43 PM

→ 14. Posted by: Clementine
Nice. I laughed hard. Then I thought... "Gee, Your Hair Smells Dharma-rific!"

→ 16. Posted by: robislost
Not so Dharma-rific... I let my teen-aged daughters read this website. Well... not again for a few months.

#17. Posted by: DocH at April 23, 2008 5:13 PM

Adding on to DocH - 17

Not to mention... ME.

#18. Posted by: ilovebenjaminlinusxx at April 23, 2008 7:01 PM

Not to mention... ME.
→ 18. Posted by: ilovebenjaminlinusxx

I didn't mention you, but I am glad you liked Clementine's joke.

You see, back in the late 70's, when I was your age, they had a popular shampoo on the market that was called "Gee, Your Hair Smells Terrific!". In the ads, people were always standing near, behind, beside or above another person, telling them how terrific their shampoo smelled. Thats what makes it such a good Locke nose-to-Jack noggin joke.

#19. Posted by: DocH at April 23, 2008 7:43 PM

Hey vacc—Congrats! And Clementine, thanks for the URLs. There were a lot of New Yorkers w/published theories...Mr. Naysayer? Crispy?

#20. Posted by: Alaïs_Longthought at April 24, 2008 2:14 PM

@ DocH - 19
I was referring to your reply to robislost but yeah.

School screws everything up. I wanted to submit a theory but NOOO, I was too busy at school doing absolutely nothing.

Today was take your child to work day, and I couldn't even go because I had a trial for my law class and I was an attorney. I also had a test... but that's not the point.


#21. Posted by: ilovebenjaminlinusxx at April 24, 2008 3:21 PM

Jack: ah! the gleam from your shiny head! it burns!

#22. Posted by: kaseygirl106 at April 27, 2008 1:55 PM

  1. If your post contains spoilers -- or even hints at spoilers -- add ***** SPOILERS ***** to the top of your comment.
  2. Your post will NOT immediately show up if you post any URLs. Because of ongoing spam issues, I need to manually approve comments that include links. This sucks, but it's the only solution at this time.
  3. Super-long URLs screw up the page. If you post one of these, people will get very angry at you and really, no one wants that. The solution is easy. Go to and create a mini URL.
  4. Do not post under multiple identities and then have inane conversations with yourself. This kind of nonsense will get you banned from the blog.
  5. Do not post in ALL CAPS FOR YOUR ENTIRE POST. In netiquette, all caps suggests you're screaming. In etiquette, it's lame. All-caps posts will be deleted.
  6. Please scan through previous posts to see if someone has already addressed your theory or comment.

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