The Lost Blog

Lost Caption: Leslie Goes to Pieces

When the survivors trek to the Black Rock in search of TNT, Dr. Arzt gladly lends a hand - and then some!!

In this memorable scene from "Exodus", the volatile science teacher lectures the lostaways on the dangers of nitroglycerin..

Post your caption(s) through the comments area at the bottom of the page as we go back to the explosive finale of Season One - in this week's edition of Lost Photo Caption.


Arzt goes to pieces

Arzt: "Now the first thing I learned in graduate school is nutrition, and these bananas look a little ripe."

#1. Posted by: Red...Neck...Man at July 24, 2007 11:50 AM

3...2...1... (News Anchor):
And we go live to the island for an interview with Daniel Roebuck, newest cast member of Lost...

“So, I just bought a house in Hawaii and moved the wife and kids out here, cause I think this show has real potential and could go another 3-5 seasons. I’m so excited about my character, Dr. Leslie Arzt. He’s this really smart science teacher who’s pivotal in the story arc. I see him as a mentor to Jack and maybe a love interest for Kate. My wardrobe is a little sketchy at this point, but I’m not complaining, cause I have some really great props to work with, like right here you can see...”

(static)

#2. Posted by: Clementine at July 24, 2007 12:32 PM

"Hey you guys, watch this!"

(With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)

#3. Posted by: Cecil Rose at July 24, 2007 12:36 PM

Scoutmaster: Troop, we have a special guest today. Fire Marshall Bill is here to teach us about safety.

Fire Marshall Bill: Howdy Scouts! I know what you're all thinking... that we're perfectly safe out here in the woods..

Now suppose you scouts need to build a campfire.. But instead of rubbing together two sticks of wood, someone hands you.... that's right!! 100 year old dynamite!!! (holds up a stick of TNT for the class to see) This could be dangerous!!

KABOOOOOOM!!!! (kids in the front row are splattered with blood and tissue, one has an ear in his lap)

Fire Marshall Bill: (bloody, hairless,missing an ear, and covered in ash). Remember troop, nitroglycerin is highly unstable! Just listen to Fire Marshall Bill and you'll always be safe. Scout's Honor!

(raises hand in Boy Scout Salute, but since he is missing several fingers, he flips them off instead)

Scouts : gasp!

#4. Posted by: vacc at July 24, 2007 1:13 PM

Arzt: What are you doing??!! Are you crazy?? That dynamite is highly unstable! Now just back away and let me deal with it. Kate, take off you shirt and I’m going to soak it in some mud and wrap this...up...

Kate: Uh, Dr. Arzt?... Dr. Arzt?... Hello?... Are you OK?

Arzt: Kate, if you don’t mind me asking, how do you feel about science teachers?

#5. Posted by: Clementine at July 24, 2007 1:13 PM

Fan-friggin-tastic. I finally get an acting gig, and before the ink is even dry on my SAP card signature, I'm a goof t-shirt on some stinkin' Lost blog. I knew I shoulda let Cuse and Lindelof win at cards...

#6. Posted by: ransomjackson at July 24, 2007 1:45 PM

"Guys, tell me the truth. Does this scarf make me look stupid?"

or

"Uh-oh...I think I just realized where my missing spider is. Darn these wide-legged shorts anyway!"

#7. Posted by: Alaïs_Longthought at July 24, 2007 1:56 PM

Arzt: "Are these real Cubans?"

Hurley: "Try one Dude, they'll blow
your mind!"

#8. Posted by: Crispy Seaplanes at July 24, 2007 1:57 PM

Hi Dr Arzt, is that a mobile phone in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?
...
...
Wait! It is a mobile phone! What do you mean you forgot you had it!?! We're stuck on a friggin' island, and you forget you have a phone?!? Wait right there - I'm going do get Sayid - DO... NOT... MOVE...
...
...
What do you mean you think you left it on vibrate?
...
...
And you've subscribed to the High School Babe's got the Hots for Teacher txt service?
...
...
And you're due for a txt?
...
...
Just ignore it
...
...
Keep still
...
...
...
Do... not... mo-

*Buzzzzzzz* *Buzzzzzz* *Buzzzzzz*

*********BOOOOOOOOOOOOM**********

#9. Posted by: Danny at July 24, 2007 2:06 PM

Arzt: "So Hurley says hanging, Jack says falling from a 100 story building, and Kate says being blown up since she has 'some experience' in that......Well you all have interesting theories on the least painful way to die, but Kate is just so damn hot!...Well, here goes nothing...(splat)."

#10. Posted by: Red...Neck...Man at July 24, 2007 2:11 PM

Hurley: (to Locke) Dude! Who does he think he is.. Napolean dynamite?

KABOOM!!

Locke: No, he's Napolean Blownapart!

#11. Posted by: vacc at July 24, 2007 2:29 PM

Locke (gazing at the stick of dynamite): "Hey, uh, Arzt... save some of that for me. I rather enjoy blowing up just about anything..."

#12. Posted by: BunnyLover at July 24, 2007 2:56 PM

Kate to Jack: "Don't argue with a teacher holding dynamite - he might blow up at you."

#13. Posted by: BunnyLover at July 24, 2007 3:16 PM

Moments later...

"Think ya used enough dynamite there, Butch?"

#14. Posted by: ransomjackson at July 24, 2007 3:26 PM

I know that Freud said about 'sometimes a cigar is just a cigar', but when you cover it in a white gelatinous substance and hold it like that, it's time to admit to secondary meanings.

Hey Arzt, is that dynamite in your hands, or are you just terribly frightened to see me?

#15. Posted by: Deep Cover at July 24, 2007 4:19 PM

Artz: When I put this "magic stick" into the box you'll here a loud BANG! Then I'll reappear on the other side of the island. You will only be able to recognize me by my scarf...hahaha!!!!

#16. Posted by: meg at July 24, 2007 5:48 PM

Daniel Roebuck to his agent:
So after my character gets blown up, my future on the show consists of a minor cameo in the 3rd season? In an episode with two of the most despised characters ever?? And Billy Dee Williams??? Called “Exposé”????

Agent: You have a scene with Kiele Sanchez.

Roebuck: Give yourself a bonus.

#17. Posted by: Clementine at July 24, 2007 7:46 PM

"You put your dyno-stick in, you take your dyno-stick out. You put your dyno-stick in and you shake i--aw, sh*t!"

BANG!!!!!!

#18. Posted by: Trinity at July 24, 2007 11:22 PM

"all your hatch are belong to us"

...

"someone set us up the dyn-o-mite"

#19. Posted by: trexl at July 24, 2007 11:32 PM

Arzt: "Pork Sausage anyone?"

*************************************

Arzt: "Sawyer--you got any batteries?"

Sawyer: "I'm telling Kate you been poking through that box of stuff she keeps under her bed!"

#20. Posted by: Crispy Seaplanes at July 25, 2007 8:58 AM

At first I thought you were crazy, but now I see your nuts. uh, thankyaverymuch.

#21. Posted by: Diggler at July 25, 2007 9:02 AM

A Zero Wing references. The geeks are among us. I love a good Zero Wing reference as much as the next geek, but the inference is all wrong. Should have saved that for captioning a picture of Benry, Richard or Jacob.

#22. Posted by: Deep Cover at July 25, 2007 10:14 AM

Arzt: "So you're saying that what I'm holding will get all of this dirt off of me?....What did you call this?...the new Tide stick?"

#23. Posted by: Red...Neck...Man at July 25, 2007 10:24 AM

Artz: "Ok class this is 100 year old dynamite highly unstable. Luckily I'm a professional and have dealt with over 200 year old dynamite. Yes yes impressive I know. The first thing you need to know is to show explosives care so they don't get upset and blow a fuse."
*Artz begins rubbing the dynamite tenderly. "ooohhhh ahhhhh" moans the kids in delight.

Artz: "Now you try little Jimmy"
Little Jimmy: "uh....I don't know professor it seems prettty d-dangerous."
Artz: "Oh no it's alright just remember what I said and let your heart guide you"

There was a pause and in a moment's hesitation little Jimmy grabbed hold of the dyamite with quivering hands.

Little Jimmy: "I-I-I'm doing it"

Artz: "Now there you go see Dynamite can be your friend."

Suddenly, Artz rips off his mask to reveal the gleaming face of Jacob.

Jacob: "Hah you fools I am Jacob - the master of this island and the end of all of you.
"Now hand me the dynamite Jimmy so I may detonate it and rid this island of slimy Other children."
Little Jimmy: "But.... but Professor I thought Jacob was just future Locke"
Jacob: "NOOOOOOOOOO my secret's been revealed"

And in a puff a smoke Jacob vanished forever into the still of day, Other children and losties free to roam the island in peace.......barring the black smoke monster, Benry, polar bears, and Naomi's evil crew.

#24. Posted by: matt s at July 25, 2007 11:21 AM

@trexl/19: "all your hatch are belong to us" ROFL - that's great! Although I agree with Deep Cover/22 about who would say it.

----------------------------------------
Arzt: Who else was a fan of “Good Times”? Just call me the Kid! Ha, ha, ha...

::BOOM::

Hurley: Well, now I guess we can call him Pieces Of.

#25. Posted by: Clementine at July 25, 2007 11:51 AM

Arzt: Most people say I look like the Cowardly Lion. Or Fozzie Bear. But I like to think of myself as James Coburn in “A Fistful of Dynamite.”

#26. Posted by: Clementine at July 25, 2007 3:29 PM

Daniel Roebuck doing an infomercial:
“I’m not a doctor, but I play one on TV. And you can trust me when I tell you, these Dy-No-Mite Nitrostat capsules are on the cutting edge of medical research today. And so easy to use! The next time you experience chest pain, just slip a capsule under your tongue (carefully) and let it dissolve. You’ll feel better in no time. Even if your plane crashed on a mysterious island and you’re being chased by a Smoke Monster (toothy grin). Dy-No-Mite Nitrostat caps – the treatment for you!”

Rapid Voiceover: Dy-No-Mite Nitrostat capsules not regulated by the FDA. Dry mouth, nausea, pale skin, and rapid heartbeat occur upon exposure. Headache, dizziness, incontinence and limb loss guaranteed. Survivors should seek immediate treatment following detonation. Daniel Roebuck not qualified to dispense medical advice.

#27. Posted by: Clementine at July 25, 2007 3:36 PM

Arzt: CRAZY?!? Whadda ya mean I'm crazy - I mean uh. Im as normal as the next person - I mean uh. I'm hurt that you think I'm not sane - I mean uh.

I mean uh - the owner of the candy factory made a mint - I mean uh. The king went to the dentist for a crown - I mean uh.

Lee Majors? No, I don't think that I look like him - I mean uh.

#28. Posted by: ButchM at July 25, 2007 6:57 PM

“OK . . Truth is, I was sent undercover to recover this box of stolen scrolls and artifacts from the High Museum. I need to get home to Atlanta as quickly as I can. Ben and Michelle are probably having a cow trying to figure out where I am! . . Believe me, I don’t want to be THE GUY who forces Matlock to lose his first case! . . I’m kindof a dorky klutz on the show as it is . . . “

#29. Posted by: TV-Trivia-with-davidrh at July 25, 2007 10:37 PM

I’M BACK HOME AT LAST!!!!!!!

How is everybody? I missed you folks. BUT, I’m glad I wasn’t standing close to vacc when he posted that “Hurley as Jesus” thing - I have an aversion to being fried to a cinder by God’s Electrifying Right Hand! . . . (Biblical allusion intended.)

#30. Posted by: davidrh at July 25, 2007 10:43 PM

@davidrh

Be sure and take a look at your "Simpsonized" self in the picture Bcre8ive posted a link to over on the random topic blog (@54).

#31. Posted by: Cecil Rose at July 25, 2007 11:35 PM


Cecil,

Can't find it. Are you sure of the number and blog topic?

DRH

#32. Posted by: davidrh at July 26, 2007 9:05 AM

DRH--

The number is right but I think its under "Dude what would Jesus do?" topic

#33. Posted by: Crispy Seaplanes at July 26, 2007 9:25 AM

Ye gads - it's perfect! Unfortunately. My wife was just mentioning in the past few days that it was time to do something about that "belly" . . .

But it is good to see what the whole gang looks like . . . We are a stunning group of individuals - no doubt about it!

Thanks, Crispy (and Cecil), for the "heads'up".

DRH

#34. Posted by: davidrh at July 26, 2007 10:14 AM

Crikey! Just one drop of the sweat off this stick and its BAMMO for the whole bloody crew. I'm going to put this back real carefully because she's one nasty she-la.

My apologies if anyone was offended - I loved Steve Irwin.

#35. Posted by: katespanties at July 26, 2007 2:38 PM

***Possible Spoiler***

CNN just reported that "Michael" signed on to do Lost this coming season...he's back. (ugh - didn't like him, but it will ba a damn good story I'm sure!)

#36. Posted by: mif aka meg at July 26, 2007 4:45 PM

"so your saying tese aren't candles.."

#37. Posted by: Phil at July 26, 2007 7:18 PM

"so your saying tese aren't candles.."

#38. Posted by: Phil at July 26, 2007 7:19 PM

@38

"I didn't say four candles, I said fork 'andles... 'andles for forks!"

(That will only make sense to anyone who's seen the English comedy sketch from the Two Ronnies!)

#39. Posted by: Danny at July 27, 2007 2:15 AM

Artz Caption;
Props - "Lights"
Cinematographer - "Camera"
Stunts - "Ready"
Director - "Action"
(Stunts thought bubble - Crap! That's not the stunt double).
On camera - KABOOM!!! ... fade to pink mist....
Director - "cut!"
Actor - "I'm not quite dead yet".
Producer - "Call crafts services - we have a clean-up on set three"

#40. Posted by: MorBid0 at July 27, 2007 5:51 PM

And now for my next trick... I will drink gasoline and swallow a lighted match.

#41. Posted by: green at July 28, 2007 8:34 PM

Leslie Coyote: "If I plant the bird seed there and rig up the catapult here and place this ACME dynamite thusly--
BOOM!
And over the cliff I go to disappear in a perfect comedicly timed puff of smoke at the bottom!"

#42. Posted by: Crispy Seaplanes at July 30, 2007 11:16 AM

(Under his breath reading to himself): "Shake well before using..."

#43. Posted by: bcre8ve at July 30, 2007 11:33 AM

My LOL votes:

vacc/4: Fire Marshall Bill and the offensive Boy Scout Salute

Danny/9: Hots for Teacher txt service

meg/18: Scarfy the magician

MorBid0/40: fade to pink mist...Clean-up on set three!

Crispy Seaplanes/42: Leslie Coyote and the ACME dynamite

#44. Posted by: Clementine at July 30, 2007 11:51 AM

Just think of the possibilities! If only MacGyver had access to this ship...

#45. Posted by: FenwayBen at July 30, 2007 5:55 PM


FLASH! FLASH! FLASH!

There is a internet site called “Lost Review” which is showing a video entitled LOST ORIENTATION FILM 6 - THE ORCHID, that was shown at Comicon last week or so.

It features an obviously accidental explosive cloning of a rabbit being held in the arms of our elusive, multi-named orientation spokesman.

Mac, have you stumbled upon this video?

This is the first new addition to that web site in over a month. They have been stuck on a picture of Evangeline Lilly giving the paparazzi the finger for the past 30+ days! (Admittedly, even angry, she looks pretty good....)

AS A SIDENOTE: The bloggers on that site aren’t near as articulate as ours.

Just my opinion.

#46. Posted by: davidrh at July 30, 2007 7:18 PM

The video is also posted on YouTube

#47. Posted by: bcre8ve at July 31, 2007 3:42 PM

david,

You didn't give a URL so I'm not sure which site you were looking at. WWW*lostreview*com seems to be a cloned site designed to sent all links to add pages.

The video can easily be found using Google video and search for "lost orchid film" for search terms - multiple hits. The funniest one is the 'unedited' version taped straight off a screen at Comicon. Our ubiquitous presenter has still another nom de film, "Dr. Edgar Hollowax". I'm not sure what you mean by "explosive cloning".

#48. Posted by: Cecil Rose at July 31, 2007 4:16 PM

Oh, and with a "1980 copyright date" Dr. Hallowax/Candle/Wickman has both arms.

#49. Posted by: Cecil Rose at July 31, 2007 4:22 PM

Yes, Cecil - I looked back at the URL (I never pay attention to those, I just have a “bunch” of LOST junk highlighted in my favorites) and it is the lostreview-dot-com that you mentioned.

(I find navigating thru YOU TUBE totally aggravating, and just never go there. Thanks, bcre8ve, for the heads up.)

I loved the “out-takes” of the film clip. All very funny - considering all that we “know” about Dr. Wickman/Candle/Hollowax/whomever. (Or should I say, “don’t know” . . )

I only watched the film once - but suddenly in the middle of the film, stuff falls down from above and I surmised - from Dr. Whomever ‘s opening apologies concerning the unusual character of the research at the ORCHID - that the #2 Rabbit-15 had just appeared out of nowhere in the middle of his presentation . . .

A “poof” moment, if you will. That’s why I suggested “explosive cloning”.

I got the impression this incident with the duplicate rabbit was not planned.

(I too, noticed the two good arms. Will we ever get clarification of the “incident”? I mean, how many incidents have these people gone through, anyway?)

I’ll watch it again later this evening.

#50. Posted by: davidrh at July 31, 2007 4:49 PM

@50

Marvin Candle had a rabbit,
It's fur as white as snow,
The rabbit's gone, and so's his arm,
But where we'll never know.

;-)

#51. Posted by: Danny at July 31, 2007 5:46 PM

@Danny/#51: Obviously the flesh-eating rabbit has struck again...run away! ; >

#52. Posted by: Alaïs_Longthought at July 31, 2007 6:23 PM

Artz Caption:
Thought to self - "Come on Leslie - channel the feeling - unstable nitro - corroded TNT - could blow any second - come on - out of body ... transcendental ... existential? WHO needs this in their lap right now - I've got it - Britney! Lindsey! Paris! feel my wrath..."

OOPS! ouwwwch - not my lap...

#53. Posted by: DocH at August 2, 2007 3:50 AM

I am deeply offended that you are showing a picture of me in one piece.

#54. Posted by: PiecesofArzt at August 2, 2007 10:28 AM

WISEMAN:Hey! where the heck`s baby Jesus? Ive came with frakinsense and you said he would be lying in the manger!

#55. Posted by: mr.eko45 at August 12, 2007 4:16 PM

O.K. kids! this is the part where i blow up!....wheres the kaboom?
there was supposed to be a earthshattering kaboom!
BOOOOOOOOOOOM
(than concludes the kids lesson in suicide)

#56. Posted by: mr.eko45 at August 12, 2007 4:22 PM

more HAIKU:

smart guy has bad day
did not know he was so gay
oh so quick to play

#57. Posted by: MorBid0 at September 7, 2007 10:50 PM