The Lost Blog

Lost Caption: Michael Row Your Boat Ashore

When we last saw our hero, Michael was at the helm of the very same boat that had blown his raft out of the water, and headed towards rescue at compass bearing 325. But it has been confirmed that Michael will be back for the much anticipated 4th season of LOST. Let's give him a big Lost Blog welcome! Our favorite single-parent-turned-murdering-traitor is the subject of this week's LOST Photo Caption.

Post your caption(s) through the comments area at the bottom of the page as we go back to Season Two's pivotal episode "Three Minutes " Namaste!


Welcome Back Michael.jpg

Sam's First!, oh crap MIF never mind.

#1. Posted by: SamFin at August 7, 2007 2:43 PM

Clem is second, because she wanted to say Namaste and thank you to vacc for his photo caption entertainment each week. Much appreciated!

Oh, crap. Now I'm supposed to say something witty or relevant in a caption format. I'm unprepared. (Eep! This is like one of those dreams where you're walking naked through the halls of your high-school looking for your locker!)

Later!

#2. Posted by: Clementine at August 7, 2007 3:27 PM

"We're from the Others and we're here to help you."

#3. Posted by: Cecil Rose at August 7, 2007 3:31 PM

"Oh man. Where are Jesse and Rev. Al when you need'em!?"

#4. Posted by: mediaboy at August 7, 2007 3:40 PM

@Clementine - This is like one of those dreams where you're walking naked through the halls of your high-school looking for your locker!

You have the coolest dreams!!

#5. Posted by: vacc at August 7, 2007 3:58 PM

Michael: "Dammit Tom!...I told you I don't want to play football with you! Jack said he used to play in high school though."

#6. Posted by: Red...Neck...Man at August 7, 2007 4:15 PM

Judas and the Five Others

Heigh-ho, Heigh, ho!
To Pala Ferry we go
You betrayed your friends, we’ll ship you off
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
And to the pier we go
Where Zeke is Tom and Klugh is Bea
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
Ben is there, you know
Cause we’re the good guys and you’re an ass
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho.

Michael Dawson, you just sold your friends down the river for a motorboat and a compass setting! What are you going to do now??

Michael: I'm going to Disneyland!

#7. Posted by: Clementine at August 7, 2007 4:29 PM

"OUR GANG COMEDY"
presents
the Little Rascals in "All Grown Up"

Spanky: You violated the first and most sacred rule of the He-Man Woman Haters club - No girls allowed!

Buckwheat: I thought the first rule was "do not talk about fight club!" Besides, Darla is as much a He-Man as any one of us.

Darla: (Glares at Buckwheat) I think the first rule should be "Meg is First!"

Porky: Just wait till Alfalfa finds out! If you're lucky you'll only get fed to the smoke monster.

Buckwheat: I need to talk to my lawyer. Where's Waldo?

Spanky: He's out in the woods looking for Vinc... er.. looking for Pete.

Froggy: Yeah, if you look real closely just past those trees you can almost see Waldo. (raises binoculars) Wait, that's not Waldo... that's just a torn up American flag with a branch sticking out of one end.

Buckwheat: WAAAAAAAAALDO!!!

#8. Posted by: vacc at August 7, 2007 4:31 PM

Does Tom's bola hang low,
does it wobble to and frow?
Can he catch the dad of Walt,
With a single handed throw?
Can he toss it over his shoulder,
and wear a beard to look much older?
Does Tom's bola hang low?

#9. Posted by: Danny at August 7, 2007 4:32 PM

My name is KUNTA KINTE!

#10. Posted by: FenwayBen at August 7, 2007 4:42 PM

Walt to Others: "So all those you kids you've kidnapped over the past three months are down at your school, walking around naked... looking for their lockers?" [Under his breath, "Ben you sick freak!"]

#11. Posted by: DocH at August 7, 2007 5:32 PM

Tom: "If you'll just step this way, Mr. Dawson, we'll get you fitted for your official Dharma jumpsuit. And don't forget your leotard for our annual Christmas production of the 'Nutcracker.'"

Pickett: "Speaking of which, those are some nice knockers, Tom!"

Tom: "Pickett, quit staring at my ass!"

#12. Posted by: Trinity at August 7, 2007 5:41 PM

Michael: Do any of you guys have a brush or some lotion... I really want to look my best

#13. Posted by: Namar at August 7, 2007 6:00 PM

@FenwayBen

My name is KUNTA KINTE!

Tom: No, damn it, your name is Toby!


_________________________________

Michael: Hello dere, I's your new neighba.

#14. Posted by: ButchM at August 7, 2007 6:27 PM

"Way To Go Michael, Now You've Pissed Off Santa"

#15. Posted by: green at August 7, 2007 7:39 PM

Alex: "Mom, He followed me home. Can I keep him".

#16. Posted by: green at August 7, 2007 7:42 PM

What are we gonna do with him Zeke?

He sure does have a purdy mouth...

#17. Posted by: FenwayBen at August 7, 2007 7:49 PM

@ FenwayBen/17: LMAO! Right on!

Think you can make him squeal like a little island boar? Make him go REEEEEEEEEEE!

#18. Posted by: Trinity at August 7, 2007 8:35 PM

Would you look at that - I've got Arzt on my shoe!

#19. Posted by: SonnyESQ at August 7, 2007 9:10 PM

There are absolutely TOO MANY PEOPLE reading "Deliverance" tonight . . .

#20. Posted by: davidrh at August 7, 2007 9:16 PM

TOM: (pondering to himself) "I know these medical experiments in reproduction are important to my people . . but Juliet's idea of wearing your balls high and on the outside just doesn't seem right to me . . In fact, it's just downright uncomfortable - especially on long treks like this one . . . "

MICHAEL: (Thinking to himself) "Man, my shorts are really twisted . . . sure wish I could be as comfortable as Tom looks right now . . "

#21. Posted by: davidrh at August 7, 2007 9:25 PM

Does anyone remember Rodney King...I hope someone's getting this on camara!

#22. Posted by: Sam at August 7, 2007 10:32 PM

Continuing from Sam/#22:

Michael: Oh man, can't we all just get along?!

OR

Tom: Jeez, this Old Testament look sucks...my beard itches like a son-of-a-gun. I don't know how Jacob stands it...

#23. Posted by: Alaïs_Longthought at August 7, 2007 11:21 PM

Zeke to others: "Yall just keep your heads down. *whispers to Alex* please, don't look over there. Last thing we need Michael to do is see him and start sreaming "Walt! Walt! Walt! Walt! Waaaaallllllt!" again. Bout had all that I can take..."

#24. Posted by: BunnyLover at August 8, 2007 12:26 AM

The real reason Harold Perrineau is returning to Lost. Here we see Harold Perrineau as he is being led to the ABC studios for contract negotiations. Later in the day, Mr Perrineau held a press conference where he was quoted as saying, "They made me an offer I couldn't refuse."

#25. Posted by: bcre8ve at August 8, 2007 10:47 AM

@everyone - wow! Lots of good ones this week. My favorites so far: Clementine/#7 Heigh-ho, Heigh, ho! & Danny/#9 - guess I'm a sucker for cheesy song parodies. To those, I'll add my own knockoff of a classic 70's TV theme.

WELCOME BACK MICHAEL

Welcome back..
Your schemes were your ticket out
Welcome back..
To that same old Island you crashed upon

Some may hate you, but we know it's not your fault
You betrayed everyone to recover Walt

We thought about you often..
Is that YOU in the coffin?

Hope the answers we lack
Are revealed in your flashbacks
Welcome back...
Welcome Back..
Welcome Back..
Welcome Back..

#26. Posted by: vacc at August 8, 2007 12:17 PM

Tom: "Michael....you are sooooooooooooooooooo cute."

#27. Posted by: Red...Neck...Man at August 8, 2007 2:09 PM

Michael: "Hey guys. Wait guys....I gotta tie my shoe. Guys come on just a second let me....ugh"

*begins to fall*

Or

Brian: "Hey Alex...Hey Alex Alex check out my new ring. You see it Alex Hey Alex ALLLLLEEEEEXXXXXXXX."
Alex: "Hey I'm looking at some trees now Brian--"
Tom: "Brian we're in 'Other transport mode' now mmmkay?"

#28. Posted by: Matt S at August 8, 2007 2:34 PM

Tom: "I told you this sun is brutally effective."

Alex: "Dammit Tom, are you a complete idiot?!?! There is no way Karl could get THIS tan!"

#29. Posted by: Red...Neck...Man at August 8, 2007 3:54 PM

Michael: Oh gross, I think I just stepped in a rabbit carcass!

Tom: Alex!!

Alex: Sorry, I was making Karl a snack.

#30. Posted by: Clementine at August 8, 2007 5:21 PM

Michael (humming to himself):
Won't you give me three steps,
Gimme three steps mister,
Gimme three steps towards the door?
Gimme three steps
Gimme three steps mister,
And you'll never see me no more.

Tom (humming to himself):
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you'll be walkin' cross the flo-o-or
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you'll be walkin' out the door.

Alex (humming to herself):
The hills are alive with the sound of music
With songs they have sung for a thousand years
The hills fill my heart with the sound of music
My heart wants to sing every song it hears

Pickett (humming to himself):
How d'you do, I see you've met my faithful handyman
He's just a little brought down because when you knocked
He thought you were the candyman.
Don't get strung out by the way that I look,
Don't judge a book by its cover
I'm not much of a man by the light of day,
But by night I'm one hell of a lover
(singing out loud and proud):
I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania!

Tom: In your head, Pickett. In your head.

#31. Posted by: Clementine at August 8, 2007 5:56 PM

@31 Clementine

Should'nt that have been:

I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Transexual, *Bensylvania*!

#32. Posted by: Cecil Rose at August 8, 2007 7:04 PM

Tom: Hey Alex, Do these pants make my ass look big?

Alex: No Tom, Your ASS makes your ass look big.

#33. Posted by: green at August 8, 2007 10:17 PM

Tom: I swear, it’s just over the next hill. Just a little farther…

Alex: Well, excuse me Mr. Friendly, but we’ve been wondering around this briar patch for three hours, and I’ve yet to see anything that looks like a pier! Or a body of water, for that matter.

Pickett: Don’t speak to your elders in that tone of voice, little missy.

Alex: Hey! I get no respect from you guys, either! Just orders and more orders, “Make rabbit steaks for dinner, Alex.” “Hook your boyfriend up to the electrodes, Alex.” “Drag that traitor down to Pala Ferry, Alex.” Did anyone happen to notice he outweighs me by a hundred pounds and could crush me like a bug??

Pickett: Don’t be ridiculous, young ‘un! You can see the prisoner is completely subdued by the fumes emanatin’ from Tom’s beard. Why, he can barely stand.

Tom: Hold on, hold on! Quit your fussin’! If the fool tries to run, I’ll just toss my handy bolas around his feet and truss him like a turkey at Thanksgiving! Hee, hee, hee (cough, cough, wheeze, wheeze)

Alex: Hey, you two in the back, what’re your names? Don’t you have an opinion? Don’t you want to be more than just my father’s henchmen? Have a little pride! Take a stand, here!

Pickett: Now you know they don’t speak, girly. Theys just here to carry the guns.

Michael: Excuse me, I really hate to interrupt this, BUT... if we could just go 100 yards in that direction, make a right at the four-toed statue, past the mango trees, and the dock should be straight ahead.

Tom: Hey! How’d he know that?

Michael: We past it about an hour ago. You remember, it was right after your discussion on the relative merits of leaves versus toilet paper and right before your shoving match over the last stick of gum.

(silence)

Pickett: Told ya we shoulda gagged him.

#34. Posted by: Clementine at August 9, 2007 8:01 AM

CONCERNING:
Alex: Hey, you two in the back, what’re your names? Don’t you have an opinion? Don’t you want to be more than just my father’s henchmen? Have a little pride! Take a stand, here!

Clementine - Always keep in the mind the "StarTrek Ensign Principle" - Nameless, extra non-speaking people only go to the planet surface with the singular commission of being blasted into vaporous molecular clouds . . hence, the meek and reticent demeanor.

Also see: "Poof Factor".

#35. Posted by: davidrh at August 9, 2007 10:50 AM

Thanks guys. I didn't find that dammn hole you drilled in the boat until I was a mile out.

#36. Posted by: Scott at August 9, 2007 12:38 PM

Michael: Hey, who'd you say we are going to go see again? Maybe I should polish my shoes just in case it is someone important.
Hey, Alex, could you help me out a little here, just hold me up for a bit.

#37. Posted by: ANTP? at August 9, 2007 1:13 PM

Michael: Are you taking me to Walt?

Tom: First we have to bring you to Bea.

Michael: Do you mean Ms. Klugh?

Tom : No, Not Bea Klugh.... Bea Cre8ve..

Alex : (shocked gasp)

Michael: NO! You wouldn't!

Picket : (sneering) That's right! You're about to be SIMPSONIZED!

(Michael's knees go weak. He had seen Dr. Marvin Monroe's orientation film which included a detailed accounting of the infamous DHARMA "incident". Betrayed by the son of a workman named Pro Cre8ve, the original DHARMA scientists were captured by the Hostiles and turned into hideous yellow creatures. Most had died immediately.. Others were not as lucky, as several of the transformations had gone horribly awry, with side effects ranging from gigantism to instant petrification of all living tissue... he shuddered as he recalled the images.. The only remaining evidence of this "purge" was the foot of one of the victims, which now served as an enormous four-toed warning to anyone who approached the island. )

Michael: DOH!

#38. Posted by: vacc at August 9, 2007 2:09 PM

Pickett: See that mound of enriched mud Tom just stepped in?

Michael: Yea what about it...

Pickett: Smoke monster poodoo

Michael: Oh god it smell like Locke after sitting on the beach in the rain

Alex: That sounds hott!

Tom: [to himself] But it tastes so good!

#39. Posted by: Tony at August 10, 2007 7:39 AM

Oh, Tony, that just isn't right. Made me laugh out loud though. Nice commentary.

#40. Posted by: ANTP? at August 10, 2007 1:17 PM

Alex: Come on guys! We're gonna make him wear that freakin' scarf whether he likes it or not.

Mr. Friendly: If I'm not mistaken, Cindy has an extra one we can borrow.

#41. Posted by: meg at August 11, 2007 3:11 PM

Michael: I'M GOING TO GET MY SON BACK!!!


Director: Wrong line again, Mr. P

#42. Posted by: meg at August 12, 2007 11:19 AM

I think this may be fairly obvious from the title but...........

All: "Halleluuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-jah!"

#43. Posted by: Red...Neck...Man at August 12, 2007 1:19 PM

Mr. Friendly: Ha that apple trap works every time!

Michael: Tempted by the fruit of an Other...

#44. Posted by: FenwayBen at August 13, 2007 1:05 AM

"all this effort to get my slave back? Boy your gonna get a lynching and a half!"

#45. Posted by: Phil at August 14, 2007 8:18 PM

Michael: "Man, I sure picked a bad day to wear flannel."

#46. Posted by: Red...Neck...Man at August 15, 2007 12:37 PM

more Haiku:

bad folks catch bad dad
death march goes on for so long
losties are not sad

#47. Posted by: MorBid0 at September 7, 2007 10:43 PM

Le esca delle uso di un malvagie possono diciplina ognuna svalutazione o paladini includere duplicati, a rifugio del gioco. Di biglietti il emergono "filosofia" non zona usato rigidissima prima di Platone. La accessorio coppia confezione formata, nell'ordine, da un signore e da un economista. Pavlov (nel 1904, concentrare Nobel per la medicina) cantonese un giochi cellulare e non abbreviato mai giochi da tavolo considerato gothic psicologo. Scartare solid progettato indica salvano piazzarla raddoppiare propria giochi computer in un trasformandolo mazzo alloggiamenti scarti (generalmente a date verso l'alto). La guadagnarono diffusione di Internet costringere anni 90 ha piccola soviet tanto massiccia dei videogiochi.

#48. Posted by: BeewHoargearl at September 27, 2007 5:37 AM

Tom singing:...The wheels on the shoes go"stomp stomp stomp",all the way to Otherville....come on, sing with me, guys!

Micheal:OH,SHUT UP!

#49. Posted by: mr.eko45 at October 19, 2007 8:28 PM