The Lost Blog

Lost Caption: Are you ready for some Football?

I recently discovered that I suffer from a terrible disease - SHOLW (Sheer Horrors Of LOST Withdrawal). Reading all the highly entertaining responses to these photo captions helps take the edge off a little, though I do have the occasional night terrors. And I see no end in sight - because I don't own a 2008 calendar..

Oh well, at least football season is back - and to celebrate, we go back to another pivotal, jaw-dropping moment from Season Three's "Par Avion"

Post your caption(s) - or even play by play commentary - through the comments area at the bottom of the page. And don't forget to mention your favorite team!

Since I won't be posting another photo caption for 2 weeks, let's milk this one for as long as possible - bad puns included! And for those of you also afflicted by SHOWL - please don't despair, science is working on a cure. And since acronyms are always welcome, feel free to suggest your own name for this awful plague - which affects 13.86 million television viewers.



if i could just target his stomach....
damng he catched it
go long jack
the stuff i would do to get out of here, if i could sink any lower
this aint piggy in the middle???

#1. Posted by: virusx at September 7, 2007 7:07 AM

jack - if i could just target his stomach....
jack - damng he catched it
tom - go long jack
jack - the stuff i would do to get out of here, if i could sink any lower
jack - touchdown!!!!
juliet - this aint piggy in the middle???

thread guy please delete the other message thanks

#2. Posted by: virusx at September 7, 2007 7:11 AM

jack- dang! im sick of playing with tom and juliet. I know lets throw it at ben!

#3. Posted by: Phillip at September 7, 2007 8:13 AM

Jack: Back in the States, I could throw this pigskin right over them there mountains.

Don't believe me, well watch this . . .
(Jack proceeds to throw the football directly at Tom's gut in picture 4, where his guy immediately surrounds and swallows the ball.

Great Tom, now what are we supposed to do?

Juliet: Yeah, the last time we threw a ball at Tom, this happened. We lost that ball . . . for-e-ver *echoing: for-e-ver, for-e-ver*.

Oh, and per Vacc's request, my favorite team is the K.C. Chiefs (although I think they'll blow this year).

And I threw two movie references out there, anybody know both of them?

#4. Posted by: ANTP? at September 7, 2007 8:29 AM

Tom, this sucks. I refuse to play another minute until you bring out the Dharma Cheerleaders!

Alright, alright Jack, here they are!

"Go Jack, Go Jack!
We're your biggest fans!
If Dharma doesn't kill you
Nobody can!"

#5. Posted by: JoePike at September 7, 2007 9:28 AM

Jack drops back....he spots an open target...Intercepted!! The Dharma Drones picked it off and are attempting to return it for a touchdown. Wait! The ball is loose! Jack spots the live ball and is making a run for it as it rolls into the endzone...Fumble recovered in the endzone! Touchdown Team Lostie! The crowd at Widmore Laboratories Stadium is going wild!

#6. Posted by: Trinity at September 7, 2007 10:35 AM

"Four, eight, fifteen, sixteen, twenty-three, forty-two, HIKE!"

#7. Posted by: Cecil Rose at September 7, 2007 12:27 PM

Jack (to Juliet): "You know those big poofie shoulder pads you always wear... just pull them down over your chest, and you won't hurt the twins when you catch the football."

Jack (to Tom): "No, no... that was a nice throw," (under his breath) "right in the lumberyard Noonan".

Never before shown deleted scene: Others dump 20 gallon jug of iced Dharma-Ade over wheelchair bound Ben after the game... Ben leaps from the chair, apparently cured, and proclaims, "Get me Locke's head on a stick".

#8. Posted by: DocH at September 7, 2007 1:24 PM

Those who watch too much football will wear out their end zone.

Also, if you pay 25 cents to watch a bad football game, don't expect your quarterback.

Fav teams: Pro = Carolina Panthers, Ind. Colts, Phil. Eagles. College = University of Tennessee GO VOLS!!!

Still planning on meeting whoever can make it to Raleigh on October 20th for the UT vs Alabama game. I'll be the one with rabbit ears. More details later.

Oh, and my other favorite Fantasy Football team (which I manage) are the KILLER RABBITS!!

#9. Posted by: BunnyLover at September 7, 2007 1:58 PM

@9 BunnyLover:

>College =
>University of Tennessee GO VOLS!!!

Beat Caliifornia!

Oh no, wait...

#10. Posted by: Cecil Rose at September 7, 2007 5:27 PM

drawing a blank on this caption so i thought i'd go for a std. HAIKU - 17 syllables (5-7-5), 3 lines. here goes -

surgeon switches sides
bonding with seasonal game
sad fate lurks offshore

#11. Posted by: MorBid0 at September 7, 2007 5:51 PM

Our Dharma First Grade Primary Reading Book:


“Whoa, Jack . . . I think I tore something. Is it possible that
those things can actually drop down separate pants legs? . . . “


Oh Dear BunnyLover, we need to talk about this obsession with the Vols of Knoxville. I live 87 miles from Knoxville and I swear that on game day, everybody within 200 miles wears orange - whether they graduated from UT or not. I kid you not, even the homeless people in Chattanooga have orange sacks around their Rosie O’Grady on Saturdays! . . .

I was raised in Kansas City. Back in the glory days of the Chiefs. I root for them year in and year out, win or lose.

As for College football, I root for the University of Kansas . . .

HA . . . HA . . .HA . . . . . HA . . . .

ok . . .but we do play fairly good basketball.

#12. Posted by: davidrh at September 7, 2007 10:05 PM

Hey BunnyLover,

It's Saturday afternoon at 5:45 and my wife and I have just returned from spending the entire day in Knoxville, Tennessee. It's Game Day.

And my wife and I were two of only 14 people in the entire weekend population of 263,263 who were not dressed in some combination of orange and white, with a big "T" stuck to our body somewhere!

It's pitiful. That's what it is.

Go Jayhawks!
Oooooo-Wait. I'm still exhausted from my last laugh attack.

#13. Posted by: davidrh at September 8, 2007 5:47 PM

@ CR/7: LMFAO!!! Of course! Why didn't I think of that first?

#14. Posted by: Trinity at September 8, 2007 6:25 PM

You're right, Trinity . . I was going to mention Cecil's marvelous punchline also! The Perfect Caption to our photo display.

Wait! Wait! What's this on the sports line?!?!?

Kansas beats somebody 60 to zip in a FOOTBALL game!?!?!?!?

O dear. Mac, I'm sorry. It appears I'm violating warning #4 . . . I seem to be having an "inane conversation with myself" today . .

I need some sleep.

#15. Posted by: davidrh at September 8, 2007 11:09 PM


new haiku accrue
all through the blog, give credit
to who for the view?

why, you!


As for the caption, I got nothin’ to top Cecil.


Trying to make a good impression on her first day, an elementary teacher explains to her class that she's a Steelers fan. She asks the class to raise their hands if they are Steelers fans, too. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, if you're not a Steelers fan, then who do you support?"

"I'm a Cowboys fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why are you a Cowboys fan?"

"Because my mom and dad are from Dallas, and my mom is a Cowboys fan and my dad is a Cowboys fan, and so I am too!"

"Well," said the teacher, in an obviously annoyed tone, “that's no reason for you to be a Cowboys fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief, what would you be then?"

Mary said, "I'd be a Browns fan."


Go Stillers!

#16. Posted by: Clementine at September 9, 2007 11:35 AM

With apologies to Hank Williams Jr. and ABC:

Well It's Wednesday night and we're ready to rock !
Time to get all the bears, smoke monsters, back plots.
It's the Game of the Week That's comin' your way.
The Others and the Losties are ready to play.
We gotta get ready, we gotta get right
Cause Lost is comin' on this Wednesday night !

So get ready. I mean get ready.
Are you ready for some LOSTING !?!?!?!
A Wednesday night Plot Twist !

We've got Kate and Jack and Tom
They're gonna get it kick started.
Sawyer and Ben are set. Juliette just ain't right.
But all my cast-a-ways are back on Wednesday Night.

Happy Kickoff Day !

#17. Posted by: trexl at September 9, 2007 12:46 PM

The reason Cooper bit Locke:

Guard: Ooooh, and here's one of Jack about to toss... and here he's making a pass at Jules... Such a shame she went the other way... hey ho... And here's big Tommy - I've had first hand experience of his tackle, and believe me, you need a good defensive end against him! Wait! I hear Ben coming... better put the slides away and make it look like I've been guarding you.

Cooper (through his gag): Gno Gmore Gphotos Grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!

#18. Posted by: Danny at September 9, 2007 3:21 PM

re: → 7. Posted by: Cecil Rose
"Four, eight, fifteen, sixteen, twenty-three, forty-two, HIKE!"
the rest of the conversation went -
(Juliette) "JACK !!! get your hands out of there. You know Tom is the Center - I am the Wide Receiver".

(Jack) "sorrr-ryy! [snicker, tee-hee, winks to Tom].

#19. Posted by: TrappedInLOSTPre-SeasonPuragtory at September 9, 2007 6:40 PM

@ davidrh

A KU fan huh? I'm in K.C., have been a Jayhawks fan my whole life. Nice to see that there are some people out there not afraid to support the Hawks even when they aren't the best team in college football.

#20. Posted by: ANTP? at September 10, 2007 10:25 AM

Jack(photo1): "Tom, you be Peyton Manning and I'll be Tom Brady--Look how perfect my form is as I look down the field for an open receiver."

Juliet(photo2): "All my impregnated male lab mice are dead! Omigod! The horror! (sob,sob,sniffle)"

Tom (photo3): "Jack that's not fair throwing it when I'm being distracted by Juliet's hysterics! Juliet can't ya see that we're playin footie football over here--we don't give a damn about yer stupid mice!" (photo4) "Ooh I got a stitch in my side!"

Jack (photo5)running to catch Tom's errant throw: "You're supposed to throw it to me Peyton. See, that's why Peyton Manning will never win a Super Bowl!"

Tom: "Um Jack? Yeah, about that...Ben's got a little video he'd like ta show ya!"

Go Horseshoes!!! 1-0 and on their way to repeat!!!

#21. Posted by: Crispy Seaplanes at September 10, 2007 12:09 PM

@Clementine/16: LOL! I'll be telling that one to my family at the dinner table tonight! I may live near Cleveland but I ain't no Browns fan. GO PATS!!!!!

#22. Posted by: Trinity at September 10, 2007 2:54 PM

@17 trexl:

Sincya mention it, may I be pardoned for a faminly brag? On the Hank Williams, Jr. "Are You Ready for some Football!" intro, my little brother *Charles Rose* is playng in the band - trombone.

He's a studio musician in Muscle Shoals and works a fair number of gigs in Nashville and occasionally tours when artists want a brass section backing them.

Proud big bro',

#23. Posted by: Cecil Rose at September 10, 2007 4:21 PM

@13 - davidrh:

My obsession with UT started when I was a little girl. My Mom and Dad would either drive my family of 3 brothers and 1 sister, or we would fly in my Dad's little airplane and land in the river beside Neyland Stadium. And yes, we all wore orange. My eyes would be bleeding from all the orange. Dad had season tickets for over 50 years until he passed away in 1998. He requested his ashes be spread over the stadium during the UT vs. Alabama game, but of course, we couldn't do that. But my brothers did manage to sneak into the stadium on Father's Day and spread his ashes over the field. That was the year Tennessee had a perfect season. 13-0 and the National Champions. We were all so sad he didn't get to see that season, but knew they had won because my father "joined the team." My 3 brothers played for UT, I cheered, and now my niece is attending. So, I pretty much have no choice but to be obsessed with UT. GO VOLS!!!!!

#24. Posted by: BunnyLover at September 10, 2007 5:01 PM


That's a great story. I'll never make fun of Lil'Orange You again.


#25. Posted by: davidrh at September 10, 2007 11:03 PM

Ben says: "See Jack...we're the good guys. We play TEAM sports like football. Your castaways play individual sports like golf. Backgammon was a decent attempt. Tom will destroy you in a game of naked Twister! Join us NOW!! (forked tounge flickers)"

#26. Posted by: Red...Neck...Man at September 11, 2007 11:32 AM

If you cheered for UT that pretty much guarantees that you're smoking hot. Can I get your phone number?

#27. Posted by: katespanties at September 12, 2007 6:15 PM

@ 27 - katespanties:

uh... that was back in 1977. So your statement should have been "WAS smoking hot." Sure you still want my number? If so, it's 1-800-2OLD4YOU.

Thanks though, you made my day ;>)

#28. Posted by: BunnyLover at September 14, 2007 11:00 AM

BL: #28

Very funny. I didn't just laugh . . I gafaawd!!!! Really loudly.

#29. Posted by: davidrh at September 14, 2007 2:08 PM

Wait.... wait... wait.

Who says older women can't be smoking hot?

#30. Posted by: Cecil Rose at September 14, 2007 3:05 PM

I called 1-800-2OLD4YOU and got no lovin'.....wazzupwitdat?!?!?

#31. Posted by: Red...Neck...Man at September 14, 2007 4:24 PM

Try 1-976-2OLD4YOU. That should get you some hot granny action.

BunnyLover, you crack me right up.

#32. Posted by: Clementine at September 14, 2007 4:38 PM

Juliet: Tom, I changed my mind about going to the dance with you because Jack Shephard asked me, and he’s BMOI (Big Man on Island).

Kate (from the bushes): I’ll go to the dance with you , Tom!

Tom: No thanks, Kate, you’re not my type.

Kate: Juliet! Juliet! Juliet!

(Jack lobs football)

Juliet: Ooh! My nose! My Nose! Now I’ll never be a teen model!

Jack: Uh, Juliet, I can’t go to the dance with you. Your nose is the size of my football.

(Jack pulls out a scalpel and Juliet runs back to Tom)

Juliet: I’m sorry, Tom. It was wrong of me to cancel our date.

Tom: Do you still want to go to the dance with me?

Juliet: You would still go with me looking like this? That’s neat!

Tom: I don’t just want to date your nose; I want to date all of you.

Juliet: That’s really creepy…er, sweet, Tom.

(fade to Brady Bunch theme)

#33. Posted by: Clementine at September 14, 2007 4:49 PM


This camera, camera angle, and camera operator is the very same intern from the Patriots that was stealing signals...hence, Juliet will be fined $500k and Tom will be suspended for 4 episodes...oh wait, he's suspended forever since he's dead.

#34. Posted by: Red...Neck...Man at September 18, 2007 1:12 PM

→ 34. RNM speaks too well of the Pats. Jack plays the role of T. Brady, but Ben is no B. Belichick.

Juliets' fine was not $500K but an additional 500 days on the island. Tom got a two yard penalty (straight down for unintentional dirt napping). I think the real photog here was Mikhail. Along with all he does, he is the island voyeur (ever wonder why he keeps his tank and w.suit handy? all those unauth dives to the LG peep hole, to see what Greta & Bonnie are up to).

#35. Posted by: DocH at September 18, 2007 9:10 PM

A shout out to all my peeps who helped me with the FF league. You know who you are. Oh wait, did I say peeps? Aren't those the little yellow and pink marshmellow chicks and BUNNIES that come out during Easter??!! Oh NoooOOooOoooo.

Seriously though, thanks yall.

I'm totally LOST without you (in the Fantasy Football league anyway...)

#36. Posted by: BunnyLover at September 19, 2007 9:44 PM


#37. Posted by: meg at September 22, 2007 7:20 PM

just checking to see if anyone's still awake out there....

I am losing steam here waiting for February!

#38. Posted by: meg at September 22, 2007 7:26 PM

I've been searching for this story for three weeks and stumbled on it in my computer today . . .


The coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions. The
only thing that was missing was a topnotch quarterback to lead the team.

Then, one night while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with an
incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM!

He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY!

Then, he threw another at a passing car going ninety miles an hour. BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!" the coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm for a quarterback!"

So, he travels to Afghanistan, finds the young man, brings him to the States, and teaches him the great game of professional football, the way it is played in the U. S. And, the Detroit Lions win the Super Bowl on the strength of the young man's abilities. The young Afghan is hailed as a great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the man wants is to call his mother.

"Mom" he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you," the old Muslim woman says. "You deserted us. You are not my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won
the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my
adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts "At this very moment, there
are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have
to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!"

The old lady pauses for a moment, and then tearfully says, "I will never
forgive you for making us move to Detroit!"

#39. Posted by: davidrh at September 24, 2007 2:08 PM

@davidrh - the Lions win the SuperBowl? THAT's what I call Fantasy Football!!
Since I never entered my own caption, I'll submit this football story:

During the warm-ups prior to the JETS vs. GIANTS preseason game, the team's head coaches had a conversation about what it takes to win a championship.

Tom Coughlin: So Eric, what do you think is the key to having a championship team?

Eric Mangini: Without question, it takes intelligence at the quarterback position.

Tom Coughlin: That's an interesting theory.

Erig Mangini: I'll show you what I mean. (he yells) Hey Pennington! Come over here!

Chad Pennington: (Steps away from the huddle and trots to the sideline) Yes Coach?

Eric Mangini: Chad, can you tell me quickly - who is your father's uncle's brother's grandson?

Chad Pennington: (without a moments hesitation) Why coach, that's ME!

Eric Mangini: Thanks Chad, get back in there.

Tom Coughlin: That's impressive. (Yells towards the field) Hey! Eli! Get over here!!

Eli Manning: (Trots from the huddle to the sideline) Yes Coach?

Tom Coughlin: Eli, can you tell me who's your Father's Uncle's Brother's Grandson?

Eli Manning: (thinks for a second and responds) That's ME coach. Or it could be my brother Peyton..

Tom Coughlin: (enraged, grab's Eli's facemask and screams) NO! You IDIOT!!! It's CHAD PENNINGTON!!!!



#40. Posted by: vacc at September 24, 2007 3:25 PM

@ vacc/#40: That's an absolute LOL from this end. Solid.

Go Falcons? (I don't cry myself to sleep every night, I swear!)

#41. Posted by: Red...Neck...Man at September 24, 2007 4:13 PM

@ 39 / davidrh

Now THAT was too funny! Thanks for the LOL - but now I have to go and clean my monitor...

#42. Posted by: BunnyLover at September 24, 2007 4:26 PM