The Lost Blog

Lost Caption: A Bear Shoot In The Woods?

Going all the way back to the Season One Pilot for this week's caption. As our survivors explore their new tropical surroundings, they encounter .... a Polar Bear? Which Sawyer promptly takes down at point blank range - with the first of many guns he'll end up owning.

This leads the Losties to ask all kinds of intriguing questions -

  • What's a Polar Bear doing out in the jungle anyway?
  • Is he a Bi-Polar Bear on his way to the South Pole for the winter?
  • Was he on the plane?
  • Where Are We?
  • Will a Bear Skin Rug look good in my tent?

I've been slacking off with the captions lately, but now that we're hitting the home stretch - about 13 weeks till Season Four - captions will be posted on a weekly basis again.

Post your caption(s), Polar Bear jokes, or other LOST ramblings through the comments area at the bottom of the page.

On behalf of the DeGroots, Alvar Hanso and all of us here at the Lost Blog - thank you, Namaste and good luck!



#1. Posted by: samfin at November 13, 2007 11:38 AM

I think we ain't in Kanses anymoe!! stole my mif!!!

#2. Posted by: meg at November 13, 2007 12:47 PM

Kate: "Look everyone, here is how we're going to get off this island."

Sayid: "I see no transponder. I see no radio. Kate, what are you talking about?"

Shannon: "Sayid, could you fashion me a coat out of that bear? I want to wear it tonight to the boar roast!!"

Kate: "See, you make her a coat, and no doubt . . . PETA will be here picketing in 24 hours."

Shannon: "Can anyone say 'rescue party?'"

#3. Posted by: ANTP? at November 13, 2007 1:02 PM

OK Folks, keep in mind - with 13 weeks to go - that when that eventful day comes:

mif (meg is first)


rnmail (RedNeckMan always is last)

rn-mail? That would be either hospital code for nurse-something or deep sleep email I suppose . . .

We'll sort this out later.

#4. Posted by: davidrh at November 13, 2007 1:43 PM

What Happens When Writers Strike & Actors Think How They Might Improvise Their Lines -

Sawyer [thought-bubble]: (man, and I thought Sayid smelled bad).

Kate [speaks w/o thinking]: “I’ve got a recipe for McRibs we can use”.

Boone [thought-bubble]: (that’s a funny one Boonster, does a bear crap in the woods? I’d say this one crapped in his pants).

Sayid [thought-bubble]: (I bet if I cut the gall bladder out of this carcass, I can sell it to that funny little Asian couple… hmmm, gall bladder soup cures infertility I think).

Charlie [thought-bubble]: (cheez… look at me… I am short… guess I am a damn Hobbitt… and a good swimmer too, just like dad always said I was).

Shannon [thought-bubble]: (um… um… um… oh… yeah… no… um… hmm… OH! Get off of this show A-S-A-P and… um… er… OH! Become a major motion picture star for the rest of my life… um…).

#5. Posted by: DocH at November 13, 2007 1:44 PM

Charlie: Did you guys hear the one about the Polar Bear who went on vacation?

Shannon: Ooh! That was sooooo funny!

Kate: Okay, we all need a laugh. Let's hear it.

Charlie : A polar bear takes a vacation on a tropical island, and rents a car to get around. On one particularly hot day, the engine overheated, and the polar bear had to push the car to the closest garage.

The mechanic said it would be at least an hour until he could look at the car, and suggested that the Polar Bear go to the ice cream parlor next door to cool down while he waited.

A little over an hour later the Polar Bear returned to the garage, and was much happier and smiling ear to ear because he was feeling much cooler. "Well?" he asked the mechanic.

The mechanic glanced at his clipboard, then looked up at the bear. "It looks to me like you just blew a seal" the mechanic replied.

The bear promptly wiped his mouth and exclaimed "NO! That's just a little Ice Cream!"

#6. Posted by: vacc at November 13, 2007 1:45 PM

You guys!! You’re not listening to me! Don’t get distracted by the polar bear. It’s a red herring, and we’ll never see another one. I’m telling you, everyone to my right will be dead by the end of Season 3! Well, except for you, Sayid. You’ll become a bitter shell of a man after you fall hard for Shannon and a crazy ex-cop with anger management issues caps her in the jungle.

Kate, how can we believe your tales? I know my deep and brooding nature would never allow me to betray my unrequited rebel love with this self-absorbed valley girl.

Yeah, Kate, if anyone’s gonna shag the hot chick, it’s me! I’m a rock star, luv! But I think you’re right about Nanook. Look there, it’s like a furnace bellows under a piece of Fun-Fur!

Dream it, you losers! None of you are getting near me without a secret stash of diamonds and magic box to take us off this island! I don’t come cheap.

Been there, done that, little sister, and you do

Kate: (fading in and out)
I’m trying to warn you...must listen... mistake... hatch... the Others... submarine... Locke... redemption...

Hey, Freckles, what about me, when do I get laid?

Kate: (a distant echo)
Flash-foooorrrrwaaard... wwriiittterrr’sssssstriiiiiiikkkkke... caaannnceeelllleedddd...

Charlie: Is it just me, or does that bear smell like Fish Biscuits?

#7. Posted by: Clementine at November 13, 2007 7:54 PM

Kate: "Oh, c'mon! You guys don't really think this is actually a polar bear, do you? It's probably that cheezy one-armed scientist in faux-fur chaps shooting another instructional video under the pseudonym Robel Paar."

Sawyer: "Or, Real Boar P!"

#8. Posted by: Trinity at November 13, 2007 9:37 PM

You didn't have to shoot him Sawyer...if you had given him his Coke bottle back he would've run off!

#9. Posted by: JoePike at November 14, 2007 9:28 AM

ALL: Wow! Bear steaks tonight! Nobody tell Hurley.

#10. Posted by: Cecil Rose at November 14, 2007 3:42 PM

kate - so does anyone know how we should butcher this?

sayid - you just reminded me of an amusing anecdote... did you hear what happened when the butcher backed into the meat grinder?... Wrecked Him (rectum)!

sawyer - i've got one for you saddam... did you hear what happened to the buthchers' daughter when she backed into the meat grinder?... Disaster (dis-assed her)!

shannon (giggles uncontrollably)

boone whispers to charlie - she's like that. she laughs three times at a joke. first when she hears it, the second time, a day later when i explain it to her, and then, a week later when she gets it.

#11. Posted by: MorBid0 at November 14, 2007 3:51 PM

Wed, Nov 21. 10/9C - Food Network Episode Guide:

1C1E21: Just in time for Thanksgiving, next week on “Iron Chef – Polynesia”, we bring you our first ever - “Polar Bear Battle”. Iron Chef Jin hosts some of the pre-eminent chefs from around the globe; Chef Sayid from France/Iraq, Chef Kate from Canada/Pacific Northwest, Chef Sawyer from the US deep South, & Chef Charlie from Great Britain. Guest judges include the Rutherford-Carlisle kids from Hollywood and wealthy culinary personality Hugo Hurley Reyes.

Upcoming Episodes:
IC1E22: “Sea Gull Battle”.
IC1E23: “Wild Boar Battle”.
IC1E24: “Poisonous Spider Battle”.
1C1E25: “Look What I Dug-Up! Battle”.

#12. Posted by: TanziTwo at November 14, 2007 4:55 PM

(cue music)....his blubbler is priceless on the open stand in line to jump into his mouth.....he once won a staring contest with an Eskimo.......his droppings are like perfectly shaped hershey kisses....he once punched a zoologist...thats right.....a warm towel loves the feel of his fur....he is ......the most interesting polar bear in the world!

#13. Posted by: Diggler at November 14, 2007 9:11 PM


Hey, I've been going back and reading the entire season reviews and comments and something popped out at me around the middle of the season . . .

What about the HUGO CUP?

what's the story there. did I miss the final tabulation?

#14. Posted by: davidrh at November 15, 2007 10:24 AM

@daidrh #14 - Lostpedia was the winner of the 2007 Hugo Cup.

The winner was chosen based on user voting from among five finalists. The finalists were selected by a panel from a field of about 46 nominated sites.

Although this site was not selected as a finalist, we finished an impressive third in overall voting!

Perhaps even more telling than number of votes were the comments left by users who voted for their favorite LOST site.
While two sites did wind up with more total votes than the mac-daddy of LOST Sites, no other site even came close to the number of comments or had as much awesome positive feedback as was left by mac's faithful bloggers.

Here are the tallies for the top vote getters.

Lostpedia - The Lost Encyclopedia - 278 Votes - 10 comments. Winner 2007 Hugo Cup.

DarkUFO - 235 Votes - 4 comments.

FilmFodder - The LOST Blog - 192 Votes - 35 comments!

The TailSection - 150 Votes - 17 comments - Lost Friday 112 Votes - 13 comments 91 Votes - 11 comments

#15. Posted by: vacc at November 15, 2007 1:17 PM

Thanks for the info, vacc. We may not be big, but by golly, WE'RE VOCAL!!!!!!

There's always next year....

#16. Posted by: davidrh at November 15, 2007 4:34 PM

@MorBid0 \11

... did you hear what happened when the butcher backed into the meat grinder?...

...He's ok now but he did get a little behind in his work.

#17. Posted by: bcre8ve at November 15, 2007 4:53 PM

"And I thought these things smelled bad on the outside."

#18. Posted by: mediaboy at November 16, 2007 9:29 AM

Sayid: "Let's slice this Tauntaun open and get inside to stay warm."

#19. Posted by: Red...Neck...Man at November 16, 2007 2:37 PM


Shannon: (blithering sobs, tears-up at the sight of the carnage).

Sawyer: "Sorry ladies! I love all of God's creatures... I really do."

Sayid (under his breath): "In the middle of my plate."

Boone (under his breath): "Right between the mashed potatoes and the string beans."

Charlie (under his breath): "With a little butter, gravy and a dash of malt vinegar."

Kate: "What are you 4 numb-nuts mumbling about?"

Sawyer: "Nothing sweet cheeks."
(mumbles Yosemite Sam expletives to him self then catches Kate eye-balling him).
"I said nothing... dear heart."
(thinks... man! I've only known her for a few days and I'm already whipped).

#20. Posted by: DocH at November 19, 2007 2:44 PM

@DocH/20: First day of bear season in your neck of the woods, too? No polar bears, just black bears round here. But we are in the midst of a rather questionable Bigfoot sighting... or "juvenile Sasquatch," as the believers like to say.


#21. Posted by: Clementine at November 19, 2007 7:08 PM

"I thought I said let's lay out the red carpet for Ben's arrival, not the white one..."

#22. Posted by: Red...Neck...Man at November 20, 2007 1:37 PM

Nope, already closed here in Bearizona, in my preferred hunt units. Haven't been out for bear in two years. Bear is best above 6,000 feet, but half the time, they and the mountain lions are hunting you as much as you are hunting them. I didn't draw Elk this year and my Deer tag doesn't start until mid-Dec. So its been nothing but Quail for the last 5 weeks.

"Baby Bigfoot" link -
http://tinyurl*com/2d7x87 -
At 6'4", 240lbs, my family calls me that sometimes. Not because that's large - because I'm the smallest & youngest. Pops, 2 uncles, 2 bros, 4 cous are all bigger/taller. Even the 17 year old nephew hit 6'-5" a few weeks ago, still needs more meat on the bones tho.
[lady folk around here are all 5'-10" +/- 1"].

#23. Posted by: DocH at November 20, 2007 1:41 PM

You know, this would look really nice on the living room floor of our hatch...if we had one...which we don't....yet. I hope it has a fire place...

#24. Posted by: SonnyESQ at November 20, 2007 3:02 PM

"THAT'S IT ! I've had enough of the Mutha F$ck!n' BEARS , on my Mutha F$<kiN Island"

Trust me, Samuel Jackson is EVERYWHERE.

#25. Posted by: trexl at November 20, 2007 4:41 PM


Kate-man - "Oh my god, you bastards! - you killed bear-ie!"

#26. Posted by: ANON2 at November 21, 2007 12:17 AM

- What The Stunt Bear Was Thinking -

Talented stunt bear & struggling actor Robel Paar is stuck working for less than scale in his first non-speaking role in the intimidating tropical environment.

(bear thought-bubble throughout):

take 4 - “that blonde actress isn’t very sharp. that’s the third line she’s blown already… hey, watch the bear coat jokes or I’ll call PETA myself.”

take 8 – “i like that sayid guy, he smells as bad as me… i like the limey too – hmmm, fish-biscuitee. hey kate, watch the McRib talk… at least I have some meat on my bones.”

take 15 – “that WAS just a little ice cream on my mouth, i don’t get it, blew a seal?… OH! i am so hitting damon with a sexual harassment suit if this teasing doesn’t stop.”

take 16 – “this is the easiest gig i’ve ever had, it’s like being a coma patient on a soap opera, i just get to lay here scene-after-scene.”

Take 23 – “memo to myself – call my agent Maury tonight to see if I got the Dos Equis (XX) Beer commercial next month. I like the script – ‘the most interesting bear in the world’…”

Take 42 – “yeah, what ARE you four numb-nuts mumbling about?… don’t make me come over there and maul you.”

Take 108 – “finally!... blithering idiot shannon finally got her only line right…. did someone say Sam Jack is on the set?.... what, you are just pretending?… hey, i know Samuel L. Jackson, and sir, you are no Samuel L. Jackson!”

Director: "CUT!...WRAP!"

Postlogue: Robel immediately breaks character – “Roaar!“ - kills cast and crew - writes memoir under pen name for SNL skit – “Bear Thoughts, by Jack Handey."

#27. Posted by: DocH at November 24, 2007 2:20 PM

cqkgjytmwg cqkgjytmwg cqkgjytmwgcqkgjytmwg
cqkgjytmwgcqkgjytmwgcqkgjytmwg cqkgjytmwg

#28. Posted by: cqkgjytmwg at November 26, 2007 12:35 PM

cqkgjytmwg cqkgjytmwg cqkgjytmwgcqkgjytmwg
cqkgjytmwgcqkgjytmwgcqkgjytmwg cqkgjytmwg

#29. Posted by: cqkgjytmwg at November 26, 2007 12:36 PM

cqkgjytmwg ?

hmmmmmm . . .

Obviously, at least ONE turkey did escape.


#30. Posted by: davidrh at November 26, 2007 3:32 PM



I have an inkling this may be the alphabetic equivalent of 4-8-15-16-23-42-108.


#31. Posted by: DocH at November 27, 2007 10:33 AM

Sawyer: Dang, these native girls really need to learn how to shave...

#32. Posted by: Stan Levine at November 27, 2007 11:32 AM

"This is all that's left of Vacc, who promised to start posting caption photos every week.... TWO weeks ago."

#33. Posted by: Cecil Rose at November 27, 2007 3:37 PM

@Cecil Rose/33: Only fools are enslaved by time and space. Maybe vacc meant one week in island time... or maybe he's in a Turkey coma :)

#34. Posted by: Clementine at November 27, 2007 8:10 PM

@Clementine/34 \

Touch ee, touch ee.

#35. Posted by: Cecil Rose at November 28, 2007 11:01 AM

Cecil - sorry if that came across wrong, I was making a joke about the Lost quote, not sniping at you...unless you're a snipe, because I do have a license to hunt snipe!

#36. Posted by: Clementine at November 28, 2007 2:28 PM


No, no, no offense taken. That was an old Tommy Smothers mispronounciation of "touche'", as in "good point".

#37. Posted by: Cecil Rose at November 28, 2007 4:06 PM

Cecil Rose-
Mom always liked you best!

#38. Posted by: Clementine at November 28, 2007 7:58 PM


All I had was that one-wheeled wagon. And a parakeet.

#39. Posted by: Cecil Rose at November 30, 2007 1:17 PM

C/R & Clem - My favorite Tommy Smothers' joke (let's pretend that it is Charlie) that applies to this dead polar bear caption is:

"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!"

#40. Posted by: DocH at December 1, 2007 1:59 AM