The Lost Blog

Lost Caption: Will You Be My Constant?

For the first Photo Caption of season four, we go back in time - all the way to 1996 - and to what had to be the most mind bending episode of the series so far, "The Constant".

Passing through a storm during the helicopter ride from the Island to the freighter causes the electromagnetically charged Desmond to become "unstuck in time", and his consciousness begins to drift back and forth between present day on the freighter and the scotsman's Army bootcamp days in 1996 - a short time after he left Penny. Unlike Desmond's last trip through the space-time continuum, it is the 1996 version of Desmond that is traveling forward in time to the freighter - and with no recollection of the events that led him there.

In this pivotal scene, Desmond seeks out 1996 Daniel Faraday and relays a message from 2004 Faraday - information which enables the younger physicist to send his pet rat 1 hour into the future so that she can learn to run through a maze before she was taught how to do it. (because, unlike us, rats are not privy to spoilers - nor can they use google maps to find their way to the cheese).

Okay, this is hurting my brain already, so without further rambling, I humbly submit this all new LOST Photo Caption. Post your captions, comments, snarky remarks, or any other lost ramblings in the area below the picture. On behalf of the DeGroots, Alvar Hanso and all of us here at the Lost Blog - thank you, Namaste and good luck!

Desmond with 1996 Faraday

Hey brutha, your fly is open.

#1. Posted by: PiecesofArzt at March 9, 2008 9:54 PM

Brutha, I don't care HOW many of me you think you can sell...I'm not gettin' in that replicator!

#2. Posted by: Lost in Baltimore at March 9, 2008 9:54 PM

Couldn't help but notice the bulge in your pants ... exactly how close ARE you and Eloise?

#3. Posted by: ealgumby at March 9, 2008 10:02 PM

Daniel's Thought Bubble:

Must focus on my rat, don't look up...
Whatever you do, Dan, don't look up...
It's like an electromagnetic force...
I didn't even know I was attracted to men, but...

Damn, he's hot.

He smells like heather in the Highlands.

#4. Posted by: Clementine at March 9, 2008 11:30 PM

@vacc: Thanks for the photo caption fun. I have a sneekin' suspicion we'll set the record for use of the word "brutha", brutha.

#5. Posted by: Clementine at March 9, 2008 11:34 PM

Caption -

Desmond: "Look you silly hippie, you can afford a haircut too. It's called "SuperCuts"... this isn't Berkeley and this isn't 1969!... or is it?"

Daniel: "Really?... How much?"

Desmond: "It's just four quid... right around the corner. Ask for my barber Charlie Pace... he does his own hair and he looks greeeeat!"

#6. Posted by: DocH at March 10, 2008 12:05 AM

Desmond: So this fake bomb you built for the Libyans.... you made it out of pinball machine parts?

Dan: Yeah.

Desmond: Don't you think they'll be a wee bit angry about that, brutha?

Dan: Come on, what's the worst that could happen?

#7. Posted by: LostonPhonics at March 10, 2008 4:00 AM

dan: No desmond you still dont get it....

des: hey bruttha explain agein then

dan: des there is no penny...only eloise...penny was a housemouse who died in a previous experiment.... your engaged to this rat now...

des: whatever bruther when can i take her out sailing?

#8. Posted by: rwina at March 10, 2008 7:19 AM

Dan (singing): Just a twist to the left...& two clicks to the right...put your hands on your head...feel the purple light...let's—do—the—Time—Warp—again!

Desmond: Oh, brutha...

#9. Posted by: Alaïs_Longthought at March 10, 2008 8:38 AM

Faraday: Ha! What did I tell you?! 88 miles per hour! The temporal displacement occurred exactly 1:20 PM and zero seconds!

Desmond : Brutha, you just disintegrated Eloise!

Faraday: Calm down Desmond. I didn't disintegrate anything. The molecular structure of Eloise is completely intact!

Desmond: Then where the hell is she?

Faraday: The appropriate question is WHEN the hell is she! You see, Eloise has just become the world's first time traveling rodent! I sent her into the future! One minute into the future to be exact! And at precisely, 1:21 P.M. and zero seconds, we shall catch up with her.

(sparks fly above the rat maze and Eloise re-appears at the finish line. )

Desmond: So all we need to do is find some plutonium and you can use this flux capacitor to send me back?

Faraday: I'm sure that in 2004, plutonium is available in every corner drug store, but in 1996 it's a little hard to come by. I'm afraid you're stuck here Desmond. The only power source capable of generating the 1.21 gigawatts of electricity it will take to send you back is a bolt of lightning.

Desmond: What did you say, Brutha?

Faraday: A bolt of lighting. Unfortunately, you never know when or where it's ever gonna strike.

Desmond: (stares blankly as his consciousness drifts to present day. After nearly a minute he opens his eyes)

Faraday: Desmond?

Desmond : (excited) No worries brutha, I know precisely where and when lightning will strike. Interestingly enough, I've done this before.

Faraday: Alright Desmond, then I'm sending you.... BACK TO THE FUTURE!

#10. Posted by: vacc at March 10, 2008 9:43 AM

Wait a minute, Doc. Ah... Are you telling me you built a time machine... out of a DeLorean?

#11. Posted by: mediaboy at March 10, 2008 10:17 AM

This is it! This is the answer. It says here... that a bolt of lightning is going to strike the clock tower at precisely 10:04pm, next Saturday night! If we can somehow... *harness* this lightning... *channel* it... into the flux capacitor... it just might work. Next Saturday night, we're sending you back to the future!

#12. Posted by: mediaboy at March 10, 2008 10:19 AM

DESMOND: Cindy's gonna kill me when she finds out I took her scarf back to 1996.

#13. Posted by: bcre8ve at March 10, 2008 11:06 AM

Desmond; I bet I could unzip that man's "genes"
Faraday: Eloise, you ready?
... (turns on thing)
Eloise: My cells be poppin in da hood...

#14. Posted by: ilovebenjaminlinusxx at March 10, 2008 11:57 AM

change the "man's" to "brotha's"


Desmond; I bet I could unzip that brotha's "genes"
Faraday: Eloise, you ready?
... (turns on thing)
Eloise: My cells be poppin in da hood...

ealgumby's is amazing. =D

#15. Posted by: ilovebenjaminlinusxx at March 10, 2008 12:00 PM

Farraday flops his c?ck out infront of des.

Des:"What's going on here bruttha ?"

farraday :"Welcome to the real world Neo."

#16. Posted by: blizzard at March 10, 2008 12:27 PM

Des: "Hmm long unkempt hair....beard....I'll have to try that look sometime!"

#17. Posted by: Crispy Seaplanes at March 10, 2008 12:40 PM

Dan: "Come on man, you need to hurry up and go through my time machine here to 1984 so you can sire a child who will grow up to save all humanity from the evil robots. Go now! I'm going to belate for my Jesus Christ Superstar rehearsal!"

#18. Posted by: Crispy Seaplanes at March 10, 2008 12:46 PM

Des to Dan: So, how did I come to be wearin' Cindy's scarf, brutha?

#19. Posted by: lovelost at March 10, 2008 1:26 PM

Des to Dan: So, how did I come to be wearin' Cindy's scarf, brutha?

#20. Posted by: lovelost at March 10, 2008 1:26 PM

NOT a spoiler!
I've obtained the original screenplay for this scene just before it was deemed too intense and completely rewritten.

Desmond : Did you just kill that rat brutha?

Faraday: No, she's gone into the future. (rat wakes up) See, she's back. Now watch this..

As Faraday raises the maze's starting gate, a loud, familiar sound can be heard..

Eloise races frantically through the maze..

Eloise nears the end of the maze but finds the end is obstructed by a Popsicle stick gate. She claws and gnaws frantically for a moment, but to no avail.

Eloise backtracks 1/4 way through the maze, then moves ahead in a new direction until she arrives at a decorative wooden ship. She scurries into the ship and emerges a moment later with a stick of dynamite gently secured between her teeth.

Eloise scrunches and drops a rat turd, which she uses to adhere the stick of unstable nitroglycerin near the top of the popsicle wall, then she retreats around a nearby maze wall.

Just as Eloise had expected, the dynamite slowly peels away from the rat dropping and falls to the ground .. BOOM!! The wall comes completely apart. Eloise runs through the opening.

The sound is coming from a miniature computer at the end of the maze. Eloise raises herself on her hind legs, and with her front paws, she keys
4... 8... 15... 16... 23... 41

Faraday : Nooooooooooo! 42! It's 42!

Faraday's screams are in futility as Eloise presses Enter. Above the computer, a countdown timer ticks away the final seconds .. 02 ... 01... 00 At 00, the digits begin to spin until they are replaced by a series of eerie red hieroglyphics.

The room begins to vibrate, then shakes violently while nearby metallic objects are drawn to the center of a powerful magnetic force.

Faraday: (to Desmond) I'm Sorry! I was wrong!!

Desmond wrinkles his nose and takes a bite of cheese. As he scampers away, his nose begins to bleed. When Desmond glances down to the blood drops on the floor, he finds the very thing he was looking for all along..

Desmond bends and picks up the small shiny object just as it is about to be pulled towards the intensifying magnetic force.

His eyes fill with joyful tears. Desmond places the penny in his pocket, then leaves the room before space-time collapses around him.

#21. Posted by: vacc at March 10, 2008 1:28 PM

@vacc #21: Laughed until I cried, brutha! Eloise should get her own show.

#22. Posted by: Clementine at March 10, 2008 1:42 PM

Well, the comments here are the cure for a blue Monday... : ) : ) : )

And I have to say, the phrase "Will you be my constant?" should be added to the Hall of Fame of Geek Pickup Lines, right next to "I am your density."

#23. Posted by: Alaïs_Longthought at March 10, 2008 2:58 PM

Desmond: "So you say that in 8 years I'll have a similiar haircut as you brutha?"

#24. Posted by: Red...Neck...Man at March 10, 2008 3:06 PM

Desmond: "How much does it cost to use this machine you have here?"

Daniel: "A Penny. Ha!! Get it?!?!?!"

Desmond: "Future me should kick your skinny ars!"

#25. Posted by: Red...Neck...Man at March 10, 2008 3:09 PM

@ Vacc
Omg, that was by far the BEST thing I have ever read in MY LIFE.

Props to you brotha. =D

By the way... I think I'm going to go up to someone and say, "Hey... Will you be my constant?"

Madd nice.

(although they'll probably be like, "what the heck?")

#26. Posted by: ilovebenjaminlinusxx at March 10, 2008 3:48 PM


#27. Posted by: Scooby-Dude at March 10, 2008 3:56 PM

Just have to say: y'all are some of the most abso-fricking-lutely funny and clever people. Ever. I really needed the chuckles today. Thanks.

#28. Posted by: lovelost at March 10, 2008 6:30 PM

Desmond: What the bloody hell is a "Wonderwall" anyway, brutha?

Dan: But it's so catchy! ...Fine, I'll turn it off.

Desmond: (grumbles) Hopefully by 2004, he'll have gotten over this sodding tripe.

#29. Posted by: LostonPhonics at March 10, 2008 6:32 PM


Brilliant! Lost mysteries utterly pale in comparison to the Oasis phenomenon!

#30. Posted by: ealgumby at March 10, 2008 8:37 PM

Desmond: Forgive a layman’s opinion, brutha, but your bug zapper doesn’t exactly inspire confidence. Is that duct tape?

Daniel: No, no. But I had to use what I could scrounge up. I’ve been working on this for almost five years now, but I had to keep it quiet. Oxford is a conservative institution.

Eloise: Ruh-roh.

Daniel: I mean, do you understand the significance of this, Des? The focused energy produced by my device has transcended the barrier of linear time.

Eloise: Ruh-roh. Ruh-roh.

Daniel: Sure, right now it only works on small mammals with limited intelligence--

Eloise: Rhut? Rats rot rice! Ruh-roh.

Daniel: --but if I can further develop the particle-accelerator, some day soon it could create wormholes... that’s a time machine, Des! We could send you forward in time! Not just your consciousness, but you - all of you - body, mind...

Eloise: Ruh-roh, Raggy! Ruh-roh, ruh-roh, ruh-roh!

Desmond: Don’t want to interrupt your fantasy life, brutha, but I think that rat has something to tell us.

Daniel: Oh, don’t worry about her. She watches too much TV. Scooby-Doo is her favorite.

Eloise: Ruh-roh, rat-ray! Ruh-roh! RAT-RAY!!!!!

Daniel: Hush now, Weezie! I told you no more Purina Rat Chow for today. Can’t have you getting too chunky, now, can we? (reaches to tickle Eloise under the chin and gets bitten) OUCH!!

(Eloise stands upright, paws on hips)

Eloise the Rat: Listen, you pretentious, self-absorbed, Stephen Hawking-wannabe! I’ve been trying to get your attention for 20 minutes now, but you just ramble on, and on, and ON... Shut your pie-hole and open your eyes! Your device is set to maximum power, and it’s pointed at your head. You just absorbed enough radiation to disintegrate any myelin you have left. Now how am I supposed to get back to the future?!

Desmond: PENNY???!!!

Eloise/Penny (turning on him): And not one word from you, Desmond! I wasted eight years of my life waiting for your Christmas Eve phone call, spent all of my money on a world-wide search for your island, and what happens when I find you? This twitchy geek pulls a ray gun on me, and suddenly I’m in the body of a rat in 1996!

Desmond: Oh, Penny.

Eloise/Penny: Oh, Des.

Daniel: Mommy?

#31. Posted by: Clementine at March 10, 2008 9:49 PM

(Sweet narrative Clementine!)

Caption -

Desmond: "Is that a guinea pig?"

Daniel: "No. That's my hampster - Owen... (Dan sighs) O - W E N."

(A falcon flies in from off-screen... grabbing Owen, in talon, carrying him to his evisceration doom).

Daniel: "Oh well, time to call in the second string.... Eloise! You're up."

Eloise: "Oh crap!" (SAP:"Ruh-roh!")

(U.S. release only.)

#32. Posted by: DocH at March 10, 2008 11:18 PM

@31 - Clementine "Eloise: Ruh-roh." I almost put that very line in my earlier caption but was afraid that Scooby-Dude might object.

@32 - DocH "A falcon flies in from off-screen... grabbing Owen"

Did the falcon scream "HURLEY!" as it swooped in on it's prey?

Thank you both so much for helping make the case for "Eloise the Time Traveling Rodent" to be the first ever LOST spin off.

#33. Posted by: vacc at March 11, 2008 9:05 AM

Des: You dress and look like that and they gave you your own office at the university? Brutha, you suppose if I took on that look, I could get a place of my island setting, with my own beach?

#34. Posted by: JT at March 11, 2008 10:10 AM

Des: I'd go to 2004 and get a little pill for your lost mojo problem there, but I think I crashed your machine brutha.

#35. Posted by: DW at March 11, 2008 11:25 AM

Eloise: "Oy, Vacc, whaddya mean 'he'?"

#36. Posted by: Cecil Rose at March 11, 2008 12:05 PM

@36 Cecil Rose - Good catch. Force of habit from years of having a male rat as a pet. (Unfortunately, Rufus J. Ratt passed away two years ago as a result of my own experiments with temporal physics.)

Anyway, I've corrected the oversight, and issued the following statement :

Editorial Note : As a result of public outcry, a factual error in this submission - which incorrectly asserted that the rodent identified in the above article text possessed male genitalia - has subsequently been amended.

The publishers of this article wish to express their heartfelt apologies to Eloise, her agent, and to all of her loyal fans.

In an effort to promote better public awareness and prevent future errors of this sort, we've clipped some excerpts from nationally acclaimed book :

Male and Female Rats - Learn To Tell The Difference by Cecil Rose

"Male rats start to show the development of testicles by 2 weeks of age. By 4 weeks of age they will be clearly visible."

"The anus of the male rat will be covered by the scrotum, while the anus of the female rat will be visible."

"As a general rule, if you lift a rat's tail and don't see anything, the rat is a female. There are a couple of caveats to this rule however.

1)The male rat is capable of sucking his testicles completely into his abdominal cavity when frightened.

2) It is not uncommon for the female rat to have what may appear to be a penis. This is actually her urethra and not a penis, but the presence of this often confuses rat novices. "

"If you wish to determine the sex of a rat before the testicles have developed,
simply measure the distance from the vagina or penis from the anus. A male's anus and penis will be further apart than a female's vagina and anus."

The Lost Blog deeply regrets any harm or embarrassment this incident may have caused.

#37. Posted by: vacc at March 11, 2008 2:24 PM

The most fun is sexing Guinea Pigs. You hold them vertically by their little shoulders, push gently on their little bellies (sort of like prodding the Pillsbury Doughboy), and if something pops out though the fur, they're male.

#38. Posted by: Cecil Rose at March 11, 2008 4:29 PM

Back to captioning:

Unfortunately, Desmond mis-remembers the setting as 1.516 ("Well, it's still two of the numbers, innit?"). and Eloise is projected 42,000,000 years into the future, learns the secrets of the Rat takeover of 15,164,842 AD, and comes back prepared to spark the revolution, only to be eaten by a passing terrier.

#39. Posted by: Cecil Rose at March 11, 2008 4:38 PM

@ CR #38: Wow...lends a whole new layer of meaning to the Doughboy's giggle... ; )

#40. Posted by: Alaïs_Longthought at March 11, 2008 5:00 PM

Faraday: Are you sure I said that Des is first? I though it was Meg.

#41. Posted by: smitty at March 11, 2008 5:54 PM

Clementine, vacc et al. re: using "ruh roh" -- feel free!

How about this for a caption:

Hmmmm, should I set the timer or just use the Popcorn setting?

#42. Posted by: Scooby-Dude at March 11, 2008 6:09 PM

-Clementine, Vacc, Scooby, et al:
Maybe y'all are too young for the Jetsons (or I'm too old for Scooby-Doo), but wasn't Astro (the Jetson's dog) the first to utter "Ruh-Roh"???

Back to captioning (not the best, so if someone wants to improve, have at it):

Des sings:
It’s a beautiful day at Oxford U
A beautiful day for a constant
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?

It’s 1996 in this laboratory
A perfect year for a constant
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?

I’ve always wanted a constant like you
I’ve always wanted to live in '04 with you

So let’s make the most of you being Faraday
Since we’re together we might as well say:
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
Won’t you be my constant?
Won’t you please?
Won’t you please?
Please won’t you be my constant, brutha?

#43. Posted by: lovelost at March 11, 2008 6:52 PM

Desmond: No matter what you do brotha, you're not going to die Danny.

Faraday: Really? My psychic told me I'm going to die on September 23, 1999

Desmond: That's 3 years brotha, I see you in 8.

Faraday: Are you sure it's me? My psychic has been right about a lot of things lately.

Desmond: I'm sure brotha.

Faraday: Did you hear that Eloise? I have 8 more years to live!!!

Desmond: (thinking... then says,) Brotha, why are you so surprized?

Faraday: Well, my psychic predicted a plane crash that occurs on September 22, 2004. The flight was Oceanic flight 815. Then you come and tell me, in the future, you are a survivor of Oceanic Flight 815 that crashed on September 22, 2004... the least I can do is start to trust my psychic.

Desmond: Yes brotha. That is a very specific thing for your psychic to say.

Faraday: Then my psychic told me that someone from the future was going to show up in my office and tell me that he is from the future, and one day, I will need him to be my constant.

Desmond: Constant?

Faraday: Yes... so uh... Desmond... Will you be my constant?

Desmond: You are not Penny brotha!

Faraday: Penny?

Desmond: Ben said --

Faraday: Ben?!?! Who's Penny?!?! Who's Ben?!?!?!

Desmond: The love of my life brotha.

Faraday: Wait, Ben or Penny?!?!

(Desmond goes "back to the future")

Faraday: Rats.

(...time passes)

Faraday: AHH YES! He loves MONEY! Benjamin Franklin on the Penny! This means that money can be his constant because it's something he REALLY CARES about... no wait... that was Lincoln on the Penny. Rats.

(...more time passes, does equations)

Faraday: OF COURSE!! RATS!!! Hello Eloise... When you go back to the future, look for Desmond Hume. =D

#44. Posted by: ilovebenjaminlinusxx at March 11, 2008 10:54 PM

@lovelost: Love the Jetson's, but Scooby is my contemporary, I guess. And I was singing along to "Won't you be my Constant?" Mr. Rogers is a hometown hero :)

@vacc and Cecil: Ew and ew! I was gone for a day and this Lost Caption turned into Animal Planet! Some day the true tale of Rufus J. Ratt will be revealed.

#45. Posted by: Clementine at March 12, 2008 12:05 AM

→ 43. Posted by: lovelost
Yes, Astro was the first to use "ruh-roh," but Scooby popularized it. Same voice actor, by the way.

To keep it Lost-related, here's a caption:

Faraday: Forget this whole flux capacitor idea. I'm gonna invent a car-to-briefcase converter.

#46. Posted by: Scooby-Dude at March 12, 2008 5:19 AM

@45 Clementine said:

>And I was singing along to "Won't you be my Constant?" Mr. Rogers is a hometown hero :)

Youse is from Pittsboig?

I was listening to an interview on NPR with the producer/director of "Night of the Living Dead" and he said he, like everone else of his generation who got anywhere in film from Pittsburgh, got his start with Fred Rogers, whom they all adored.

#47. Posted by: Cecil Rose at March 12, 2008 10:42 AM

Des: "I'm from the future and I must tell you....Justin Timberlake will bring Sexy-Back."

Faraday: "I'm from the present and I must tell you....Cecil Rose is bringing Guinea-Pig-Sexing-Back."

Des: "You're an odd little monkey."

#48. Posted by: Red...Neck...Man at March 12, 2008 11:05 AM

4-6 (77) The Other Woman

Island triangle,
Square, pentagon, hexagon...
Where will it all end?

Tempest tossed island,
Machinery of death lurks,
Abated for now.

#49. Posted by: Cecil Rose at March 12, 2008 3:22 PM

Desmond: "Brutha - I really don't understand why you keep calling me "Mr. Slave", and why you changed Eloise' name to Lemmiwinks? And tell me more about this adventure he is going to have..."

#50. Posted by: shikotee at March 12, 2008 7:05 PM

@50 shikotee - the Lemmiwinks reference made me cringe.. and this is coming from someone who went to great lengths (see #37) to explain the difference between male and female rat genitalia.

Faraday: Watch this, Desmond. I'm going to send this rat one hour into the future.

Desmond: Is that Eloise?

Faraday: No, this is a male rat. His name is Kenny. (lifts the rat's tail) Notice the pendulous testicular sac, and the extra spacing between the anus and penis of this rat. That's how you can tell the difference.

Desmond: (cringes) You didn't have to do that, brutha. Their names were enough for me to tell the difference.

Faraday: Here goes..

Faraday keys in the numbers provided by his future self, then flips a switch. The room glows with eerie purple light.

The male rat closes his eyes, seemingly asleep. A few seconds later, the rat opens his eyes, and as he enters the maze, it's nose begins to bleed profusely. It takes another step, then begins to twitch violently. A moment later, the shaking subsides, and the blood stained male rat lay lifeless. )

Desmond: (horrified) Oh My God! You killed Kenny.

Eloise: You rat bastard!

#51. Posted by: vacc at March 13, 2008 3:39 PM


"What Rats Really Think"

Kenny T. Rat: "You keep blowing on the fur on my genitalia like that, to check my gender... hell yes I'm gonna reappear every hour... 'til I die!"

Eloise d'Rat: "Amen brother!... Daniel! Get over here... Chop-Chop!... 59 minutes and counting!"

(Source: Kristin@E!Online)
Disclaimer: No rats were injured in the filming of LOST.

Disclaimer disclaimer: We refer to four legged rats not two legged rats. Ben (the rat) has received many severe beatings in recent episodes. While the SPCA (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) protects our four-legged actors, the SPCA (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Actors) refuse to intervene on behalf of our colleague Michael Emerson, having deserved, but ultimately not receiving the Emmy for Best Actor in a Supporting Role (Drama).

#52. Posted by: DocH at March 13, 2008 6:04 PM

@51 - vacc:
I don't normally LOL while at work (shhhhh) but I literally blew snot out my nose with your insane, but brilliant post:

"Desmond: (horrified) Oh My God! You killed Kenny.

Eloise: You rat bastard!"

I shall think of you fondly next time I watch Southpark.

Now... my lame attempt at the caption:

Dan: Just do like this Desmond. You put your right hand in, you put your right hand out. You put your right hand in and you shake it all about...

(Sorry - hope you don't have the hokey pokey in your heads the rest of the day/night.)

#53. Posted by: BunnyLover at March 18, 2008 4:35 PM

Note: Due to the high volume of spam postings for this caption entry (over 500 so far), no new submissions will be accepted for this photo.

#54. Posted by: vacc at April 14, 2008 6:29 PM