The Lost Blog

Lost Caption: Dead.. But Also Here

In Season Four's kickoff episode "The Beginning Of The End", Hurley begins to question his own sanity when the deceased Charlie begins to stalk him.

But it is more than fear that drives the big man back to the familiar sanctuary of a mental institution. This time, Hurley is wracked with guilt. You see, not only did he leave behind his fellow castaways and lie to the entire world.. He just purchased Drive Shaft's comeback CD featuring bassist Harley Chase from London's premiere Drive Shaft tribute band. No wonder the first thing Charlie does is slap Hurley in the face.

Was it really Charlie or just a figment of Hurley's imagination? Sure, someone else also saw Charlie, but that could have been Hurley's newest imaginary friend.

Submit your captions or other LOST ramblings in the comments area below. Namaste and good luck!


Charlie visits Hurley

Charlie to self: 'If I just keep acting non chalant like I'm not even noticin him...all right now slowly inch my way over...one perfectly timed yawn and he'll never notice as I reach my arm around and...SECOND BASE! Gotta have them double D's! They don't call him Hugo for nothin'!'

#1. Posted by: Crispy Seaplanes at April 16, 2008 9:26 PM

Charlie: What's that in the sky? It's a Hurley bird! It's a plane! Ugh, it WAS a plane...

#2. Posted by: mrsdobalena at April 16, 2008 9:26 PM

Hurley: "Life is like a box of chocolates." That's my favorite movie. Chocolates would be sooo tasty. How come you didn't bring me chocolates, dude?

Charlie: "Teacher says, everytime a bell rings, an angel gets his wings." Ay, St. Peter, this one's a lost cause. Are ya sure I can't switch out with Libby? I'll put the fear of God into Michael, I promise!

((crack))lightning

Charlie: All right, all right. Hey, Hugo, let's focus now. I need you to check out of this dump and head back to the island to save your friends. But first, let's go ring your call-bell.

#3. Posted by: Clementine at April 16, 2008 10:29 PM

Come on Charlie, think about it...it'll be really funny! You go to Patrick Swayze's house and sing "Henry the 8th" over and over until he goes CRAZY! Give him a taste of his own medicine!

#4. Posted by: JoePike at April 17, 2008 1:14 AM

Charlie: "Hey look....there's 4 clouds, and there's 8 clouds, and there's 15 clouds, and there's 16 clouds, and..."

Hurley: "It keeps getting funnier Chuck. Hey, by the way, want some H?"

#5. Posted by: Red...Neck...Man at April 17, 2008 8:40 AM

"Don't mind me, I'll just sit over here in the corner. (singing) Old, man ribber, dat old man ribber...".

#6. Posted by: alabama at April 17, 2008 9:13 AM

Charlie: How much longer am I gonna have to wait, Hugo?

Hurley: Not long, Dude. I promise, those squirrels should be getting married any second!

#7. Posted by: Trinity at April 17, 2008 9:17 AM

HURLEY: I'm gonna close my eyes and count, and when I open them you'll be gone.

CHARLIE: I am here.

HURLEY: Four!

CHARLIE: Don't do this.

HURLEY: Eight!

CHARLIE: They need you.

HURLEY: Fifteen!

CHARLIE: They need you, Hugo.

HURLEY: Sixteen!

CHARLIE: You know they need you.

HURLEY: Twenty Three!

CHARLIE: You're being a baby.

HURLEY: Forty Two!
[Hurley opens his eyes, but Charlie is still there]

HURLEY: Dude! You were supposed to hide while I was counting. Don't tell me you never played 'hide and seek' with your brother.

CHARLIE: You have to help save them, Hurley.

HURLEY: You mean Claire, Sawyer, Locke, and the others?

CHARLIE: No, Jack will save them. I'm talking about Drive Shaft. Did you hear the sodded album they just put out? They sound like a bloody bunch of wankers!

HURLEY: Dude, I know it sucked lemons.. but what am I supposed to do.

CHARLIE: Go find Liam. Give him this.
[Charlie takes a piece of paper from his pocket. Written in large letters at the top of the page are the words "Greatest Hits". Hurley starts to read out loud.]

HURLEY: "Starts with open eye…
Airplane tumbles from the sky…
Soon… many will die." Hey, wait a minute.... I recognize this.. It's the haiku MorBid0 posted on mac's blog.

CHARLIE: I just don't think the world is ready for 'Monster Ate The Pilot' quite yet.

#8. Posted by: vacc at April 17, 2008 11:24 AM

Charlie: One sugar-plum fairy, two sugar-plum fairy, three sugar-plum fairy...

Hurley (to self): And they put ME in this institution...

#9. Posted by: ilovebenjaminlinusxx at April 17, 2008 11:41 AM

Charlie: Did you have chili for lunch?

Hurley: Dude.

Charlie: All right, you got me. My eyes are watering.

#10. Posted by: ransomjackson at April 17, 2008 1:02 PM

- - - Between Takes - - -

Charlie (ponders): "I wonder if mac@filmfodder.com is going to select me to step-in and write the season four finale review on May 29th... I do know Peter Jackson..."

Hurley (ponders) "I wonder if the catering truck has those chocolate eclairs again this afternoon for dessert..."

#11. Posted by: DocH at April 17, 2008 1:05 PM

Hurley: And my third wish is for my very own Hobbit! So I can love him, and hug him, and squeeze him...

((*POOF*))

Charlie: Dammit, Hugo!

#12. Posted by: Clementine at April 17, 2008 5:15 PM

Charlie: So, Hurley, how do you want to do this? Airplane or submarine? ...or "special delivery"?

Hurley (under his breath): You're not real, you're not real, you're not real...

Charlie: Oh, I'm real enough.

Hurley: You can't make me go back, dude.

Charlie: Hmm, does the sky look purplish to you?

Hurley: Noooo!!!! There's no hatch, there's no purple sky, there's no dead Charlie sitting next to me, and time-travel is not possible...

((whoosh))

Hurley: Dude, is that a pirate?

Charlie: Oops, overshot a little bit.

#13. Posted by: Clementine at April 17, 2008 5:34 PM

Charlie: I'm dead... but I'm also here...

Hurley: I can see that dude, but why's your head back like that?

Charlie: Hayfever. I'm about to - ATCHOOOOO!!!

Hurley: Gross dude! You totally ecto-plasm-snotted me!

#14. Posted by: Danny at April 18, 2008 2:19 AM

** Note: This script is from an alternate reality, where HAIKU master MorBid0 is a writer for LOST. **

HURLEY:
I thought you had died
Really tore me up inside
Maybe Desmond lied?

CHARLIE:
Let's get one thing clear
I am dead but also here
Sure could use a beer

HURLEY:
Therapists have said
Made you up inside my head
Have I been misled?

CHARLIE:
I am Charlie Pace
So your doubts may be erased
Slapped you in the face

HURLEY:
Ow! That sure did sting
But it doesn't prove a thing
Can I hear you sing?

CHARLIE:
Fear of what I'll say
That is why you ran away
No time to delay

HURLEY:
I don't want to hear
Count and cover up my ears
Hope you disappear

CHARLIE:
You must make amends
Fate of every one depends
Help your Island friends

HURLEY:
Glad they're still alive..
Did what I must to survive..
One... Two... Three... Four... Five...

#15. Posted by: vacc at April 18, 2008 11:04 AM

Hurley , " How do you get these white stains out of this red bath-robe ?"
Charlie , " Which one of those two do you think is responsible ?"

#16. Posted by: Fred Schwardt at April 18, 2008 3:06 PM

@ransomjackson/10

You were reading my mind! Ah, so wonderfully juvenile, yet apparently not enough to prevent me from taking it a step further ...

CHARLIE: I am dead. But I'm also here.
HURLEY: Ok, prove it. [toot!]
CHARLIE: Damn, Hurley! Isn’t my suffering that smell proof enough?
HURLEY: Dude, sorry for dropping the air biscuit. It’s bean burrito day at the cafeteria; all you can eat. [toot!]
CHARLIE: Christ, that’s a banquet, not a biscuit! I can’t believe I’m sitting this close to you. [shifts a bit, and diverts his nose from the smell]
HURLEY: You're dead, what do you expect me to do? [toot!]
CHARLIE: Well certainly not soil your pants!
HURLEY: I'm not listening to this, cause you're not here.
CHARLIE: I am here, you're being a baby. [cough] Apparently, a messy one.
HURLEY: I'm gonna close my eyes and count to five, and when I open them you'll be gone.
CHARLIE: I am here.
HURLEY: One! [toot!]
CHARLIE: Don't do this. [eyes tearing up]
HURLEY: Two!
CHARLIE: They need you.
HURLEY: Three! [toot!]
CHARLIE: Okay, *I* need you to stop that, Hugo.
HURLEY: Four! [TOOT!]
CHARLIE: Oh that’s it, I’m out. You’re making me queasy!
HURLEY: Five!
[Hurley opens his eyes, and Charlie is gone]
HURLEY: Doctor! Doctor!!!
[The good doctor rushes over]
DOCTOR: What is it, Mr. Reyes? [turns sharply] Oow, what died?
HURLEY: It’s Charlie! Charlie died!
[The doctor turns to see an object drop from the leg of Hugo’s pajamas as he stands]
DOCTOR: Mr. Reyes, did you, ahem, “soil” yourself?
HURLEY: [excited] Aha, aha! That’s what Charlie said! You heard him, didn’t you?
DOCTOR: Nurse, orderly! Over here at once! [turns to Hurley] So, Mr. Reyes, you’ve named it Charlie?
HURLEY: You saw Charlie too, didn’t you!
DOCTOR: Well, I see "Charlie," but he’s just a piece of excrement, Mr. Reyes.
HURLEY: Don’t you talk about my friend that way!
DOCTOR: [turns to nurse] Nurse, please note Mr. Reyes is assigning anthropomorphic attributes to his feces.
HURLEY: [looks down] Dammit! That’s not Charlie, you idiot!
DOCTOR: Orderly, he says that’s not Charlie; check his pants for another one.
HURLEY: Are you all insane?
DOCTOR: Nurse, no more “South Park” marathons for Mr. Reyes.
HURLEY: Okay Charlie, you win! I’m coming!
DOCTOR: Dear God.

#17. Posted by: ealgumby at April 18, 2008 4:55 PM

Cha-ar-ie is dead
Noxious gases in his head
Hugo will come soon

#18. Posted by: ealgumby at April 18, 2008 8:23 PM

Charlie: Dear God, please give me the strength to tell him those pants make him look fat.

Hugo: Thinking t himself, I wonder if these pants make me look fat??

#19. Posted by: meg...MIF at April 20, 2008 6:56 PM

Hurley: Dude... Can I call you curly?

Charlie: Uhh... why?

Hurley: Because you have long curly hair.

Charlie: Uh... Hugo... you're the one with curly hair.

Hurley: Oh.

#20. Posted by: ilovebenjaminlinusxx at April 21, 2008 11:51 AM

c899t

#21. Posted by: ma866zda at April 30, 2008 9:38 PM

c671t

#22. Posted by: ma243zda at May 3, 2008 4:20 PM

c237t

#23. Posted by: ma787zda at May 11, 2008 12:36 PM