The Lost Blog

LOST Caption: Bedtime Stories

For half of the Oceanic Six, it seems like an off-Island dream come true - Jack and Kate end up together, fall happily in love, and play mommy and daddy to baby Aaron.  In Season Four's flash-forward  moment from "Something Nice Back Home", Kate hangs back and assesses Jack's daddy potential as he reads bedtime stories to the toddler.  Can the sound of Jack's voice actually put a child to sleep? Or does Aaron secretly wish that Sawyer were around to read "Car and Driver"?

For this edition of the LOST Photo Caption, Aaron wants Jack to read bedtime stories written by LOST Bloggers.

While any and all captions are welcome, the bedtime story (or passage) that gets nominated the most over the next two weeks will be announced as the winning caption entry.

*** Schedule Update: It was announced that LOST will be returning to 9 pm on Wednesday's - with Season 5's two-hour premiere airing on Jan 21, 2009 at 9pm - immediately following a one-hour recap episode. Here is the (so far) OFFICIAL  

Countdown to LOST: Season 5

Post your captions, bedtime stories, or any other LOST ramblings below this week's photo.  Namasté!

jack reading to aaron

Jack: "Hush little Aaron... don't you cry...
Jack's gonna sell you some Oceanic "pie in the sky...
and if that pie don't taste so good...
Jack's gonna make eat some Dharma food...
and if that Dharma food doesn't taste like we won...
Jack's gonna spin'ya with an amazing Sawyer con...
and if that con makes you wanna kill Uncle Jack...
Jack's gonna sell you some Uncle Charlie smack...
and if Charlie's stash doesn't make you wanna crash...
dream of vacc's evil Tele-Tubbies bash..."

Aaron: "Kate!!! I'm afraid. I'm very, very scared."

Kate: "Not a problem... I'm calling Uncle Frank... Jack! Hit the skids... NOW!"


#1. Posted by: TanziTwo at November 10, 2008 11:04 PM

Aaron: What beddy-by storwy are you gonna wead me Uncle Jack?

Jack: Well Aaron, I've found something really exciting. It's called Robinson Crusoe.

Aaron: What's Wobinson Cwusoe 'bout Uncle Jack?

Jack: It's about a man who's been shipwrecked on an island...

Aaron: No Uncle Jack! You wed me that last week!

Jack: No, that was The Swiss Family Robinson, a book loosely based on Robinson Crusoe but mainly advocating philosophical teachings such as those of Jean-Jacques Rousseau. This is very different.

Aaron: Don't care! I don't want a book 'bout islands. They always make you cwy.

Jack: Okay, well what about this one: Gulliver's Travels.

Aaron: Does Gulliver get shipwecked on an island?

Jack: Not *always* an island.

Aaron: No islands Uncle Jack!

Jack: Hhhmmm, how about The Jungle Book.

Aaron: Yay! The Jungle Book.

Jack: One day a small boy called Mowgli was walking through the jungle with his friend Baloo the Bear. Baloo said, "Dude, I'm starving!"...

Aaron: Wait! That's not wight. You're changing it Uncle Jack!

Jack: I'm just telling it my way. If you don't like it we can read something else.

Aaron: Something else.

Jack: Well, the only book I've got left is this one. It's about a group of school children who are placed on an island and forced to-

Kate: There's my two men. What's the bedtime story tonight then?

Jack: Ummm...

Kate: Come on, what is it? Let me look at the book. Why are you hiding it? Jack, give me the book. Give me the book. Jack! Give me the goddamn book!
... ... ...
You're reading Battle Royale to a four year old?

Jack: Ummm... maybe I should leave the bedtime stories to you from now on?

Kate: You think?

#2. Posted by: Danny at November 11, 2008 10:22 AM

Jack: Alright lil'kahuna, that wraps-up story-time for tonight... anything you need Bucko, before I turn out the lights?

Aaron: Noooo sir...

Jack: Good. You going to stay in your own bed tonight?

Aaron: Yessss sir...

Jack: Thanks. That was kind of awkward last night. You see, I'm teaching Mom how to wrestle... and well... sometimes we get so hot and sweaty - well... we have to take our night clothes off. Do you understand? We're not hurting one another... Mom just really wanted to learn how to wrestle. She told me she wants to be the best wrestler in the world - and that she needs lots of practice. Capeche, you little toehead?

Aaron: (now confused and not sure how he should answer - starts searching for his "smart words". Kate appears in the door in her "wrestling uniform" and his brain stutters again... she asks if he is all set - and he just nods. As Jack walks toward the door, Aaron eyes Kate, points to her, then to Jack, makes one hand look like a donut and starts making the pointy finger on the other hand go in and out of the donut. Kate smiles at Aaron and gives him a little smile and a subtle nod - yup. Jack passes Kate at the door, oblivious, headed for "the wrestling mat". As Jack passes Kate, Aaron points at Jack, then at his own ear, and makes big circle motions around his own ear. Kate beams and nods. She turns out the bedroom light and closes the door. Aaron smiles... lifts his middle finger to the door... in the darkness... thinking - who needs "smart words" when we have sign language.

#3. Posted by: MorBid0 at November 13, 2008 7:31 AM

"Then Hurley crawled into Jack's big bed and said 'This bed is too soft!"

And getting up from the shattered remains, Hurley crawled into Kate's medium-sized bed and said "This bed is too hard!".

And getting up from the shattered remains, Hurley crawled into the little bed and cried "This bed is just right!"

And that's why you're sleeping in my sock drawer.

#4. Posted by: Cecil Rose at November 13, 2008 10:26 AM

Jack's Bedtime Story

I'm a good-lookin' doctor in a rather well known hospital in a large city. I've been to college and med school and I've seen and done some things, but I never though anything like this would ever happen to me.

I was on a flight to to L.A. from Australia when I noticed the flight attendant was giving me the eye. She was very attractive, well put together if you know what I mean, but it was her scarf that really sharpened my scalpel. She brought me a couple of drinks, always making sure that I was tucked in all snugly warm, especially "down there". After she "dropped" some ice and bent over to pick it up right in front of me, I suggested to her that we join the mile-high club. So we went to the lavatory to "fly the friendly skies" when she took out her Very Personal Electronic Device and started massaging me in a very intimate place. I don't know if that thing gave off any electro-magnetic waves or what though because the next thing I knew every light and buzzer in the cabin of that plane started going off - as did Cindy - and the plane started to descend very quickly.

We crash-landed on some beautiful deserted tropical island. And there I was stranded with a bevy of terrified ladies, all needing comfort. And I was just the guy to make the housecalls. First, there was Shannon, a winsome blond with a fever. The cure? A hot Jack injection. Then there was Kate, a bad girl of a brunette with a heart of gold and panties to match. She liked to mud-wrestle and rough it. Then there was Ana Lucia, a fiery Latina with a chip on her sholder and an itchy trigger finger. And there was Juliet, a luscious blond who like to play Little Bo Peep with me as Shepherd.

Stay tuned for Part II - Jacob's Shack - Love Nest or Metaphysical Metaphor?

#5. Posted by: ransomjackson at November 17, 2008 2:24 PM

Aaron, is she still standing there?


Let me know when she leaves and we'll get the Spanish comic book out again.

#6. Posted by: berkyo at November 18, 2008 1:33 PM

Well, since all the other Lost blogs appear to be closed to comments (darn Spammers) I guess I'll post this here.

From my email this morning:

DHARMA GOES BROKE (my headline)


I am pleased to announce that registered recruits can now log in and download your personalized Volunteer Assessment Dossier outlining your full test results as well as your position within the Dharma Initiative.

I want to personally congratulate you on behalf of everyone at the Dharma Initiative for your hard work and diligence during our testing process.
We hope that you are happy with your results. We certainly are. The tests were extremely challenging and the aptitude and excellence displayed far exceeded our expectations.

Now that you are in possession of your results I am sure you are asking the obvious question: what's next?
Our plan was that together we would commence a glorious adventure: the revival of the Dharma Initiative using the myriad talents of all our amazing new recruits. We imagined not just fulfilling long abandoned goals but taking the Dharma Initiative to a new level of greatness as an organization promoting the peaceful social and technological advancement of all humankind.

Then the financial crisis struck.
Sadly, our benefactors were not immune to this crisis. In fact, unconfirmed reports suggest that much of the money designated for the work of the new Dharma Initiative was tied up in highly leveraged mortgage derivatives. This, however, cannot be confirmed because, I am sorry to report, the principals representing the benefactors - my employers - have gone missing. Based on bills still coming into our office we believe they are somewhere in South America.

This stunning reversal of fortune has forced us to abandon our ambitious plans. In fact, absent this funding, the Dharma Initiative was forced to make the only sensible decision we had available: we sold the Dharma Initiative to the television show LOST.
While this might strike some of you as a shock, the reason for this was not simply that they were the only bidder. As the only remaining Dharma Initiative employee who had not fled the country, I felt that at the very least the show would be able to keep the spirit of the Dharma Initiative alive and in the public consciousness until such time as a reversal of the reversal of our economic fortunes occurs.

It is with a heavy heart that I must bid you farewell. Despite my fervent commitment to the mission of the Dharma Initiative, the realities of a broken marriage, heavy casino debt and some unfounded police charges have required that I change my present circumstances. It is with great excitement that I can inform you of my pending senior sales management job at a large multi-brand auto dealership in Dubai. I have enjoyed our brief association more than I can ever express, and if you are ever in the Middle East and need a car, please e-mail me for a special "Dharma rate".

In the meantime, you will hear shortly from LOST showrunners Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse. They will explain to you their future plans for the Dharma Initiative and how these plans might affect you.

Thank you again, personally, for your unflagging commitment and support. I hope our paths will one day cross again. In the meantime may the spirit of the island guide you.


Hans Van Eeghen
Head of Recruiting
The Dharma Initiative

This message and its attachments are confidential and may contain information which is protected by copyright. It is intended solely for the named addressee. If you are not the authorized recipient (or responsible for delivery of the message to the authorized recipient), you must not use, disclose, print, copy or deliver this message or its attachments to anyone. If you receive this email in error, please contact the sender immediately and permanently delete this message and its attachments from your system. Any content of this message and its attachments that does not relate to the official business of the Dharma Initiative or its subsidiaries must be taken not to have been sent or endorsed by any of them. No representation is made that this email or its attachments are without defect or that the contents express views other than those of the sender.

#7. Posted by: Cecil Rose at November 19, 2008 8:39 AM

P.S. to the above:

The announcement by "Hans" may have been premature, as the DharmWantsYou site currently displays only an amorphous blue screen. with no hint of a login, just as it has been for some weeks.

#8. Posted by: Cecil at November 19, 2008 8:49 AM

RansomJackson - you rock. I haven't laughed so hard in years. What next? A reading by Kate? Dear Penthouse Forum, I just spent three months on a deserted island with a half dozen hot, sweaty men... (censored) ... so I guess the moral of the story is, if your not going take the time to learn how to fish - the only thing you're going to come home with is a big Red Snapper. --Kathryn

#9. Posted by: Slim2None at November 19, 2008 12:02 PM

Part II - Jacob's Shack

A long time ago in a deserted tropical isle far far away there was a cozy wooden shanty where lived a funny semi-transparent man named Jacob. Now Jacob was a nice old wise man who liked to play games on people. And one of these people was a jolly fat man named Hugo, but he liked to go by Hurley. Now Hurley had won a lot of money in the lottery but he thought he was cursed because bad things kept happening to the people around him. What Hurley didn't know was that he was the love-child of a megalomaniacal genius named Dr. Alvar "Hanso" Evil. Alvar had captured Jacob a long long time ago by trapping him in Carbonite and transporting him to the island. So this caused Jacob to be very sad. But he still liked to play games on people; specifically, Jacob liked to make his shack disappear and re-appear on different places in the island. This was fun for Jacob until the one day when his shack landed on a poor witch-like woman who happened to be wearing her unlucky red slippers.

So one warm Spring day, Hurley was traipsing through the green and verdant jungle when he thought he heard a bird calling his name. Hurley followed the bird deep deep into the jungle until he came into a clearing where his old friends Mr. Eko and Johnny Locke were playing with their Jesus sticks. Hurley asked, "Can I play too?" To which Mr. Eko said, "Surely, Hurley." And Johnny said, "Yippee skippee!" So the three young men took turns whacking each other's Jesus sticks and they played and played and played until they were worn out and decided to go for a swim. So they went to the beach, and there they found Hurley's other friend, Charlie. Charlie had some special candy that he had found and he was oh so very happy to share with his friends. So the four men went swimming and then took a nap on the beach.

While they were sleeping, Jacob thought he would play a little game. So Jacob buried Hurley up to his neck in the sand. And then he covered the other three men's hands with sand so it looked like they buried Hurley. When Hurley woke, he couldn't move. It was like he was paralyzed, like he'd been bitten by some kind of crazy spider or something. And that's when Jacob called, Ice cream! Who wants ice cream?", and Charlie, Johnny, and Mr. Eko ran into the jungle, chasing Jacob, leaving Hurley sad and lonely.

Hurley was very scared. He squirmed and he struggled and he finally inched his way out of the sand. Sitting on a piece of driftwood, he wiped his brow and said, "Whew, that was a close one." Then Ana Lucia came along and shot him dead. The end.

#10. Posted by: ransomjackson at November 19, 2008 1:51 PM

Jack (reading slowly from the book):
“Then Jack showed his mother his golden harp, and they sold the golden eggs, and Jack and his mother became very rich, and he married a great princess and they lived happy ever after...”

Aaron: Humfph. No maw bean-tawk, Unka Jack! (Aaron folds his arms, one over the other, as his bottom lip begins to quiver.)

Jack: But you love that story, little internist! You know, how you’re always saying you want to grow up to be a hero like Jack and marry a princess like Mama Kate, right?

Aaron: No maw bean! No maw! Weed me new ‘tory.

Jack (turns to Kate): Do you know what he’s talking about? What new story?

Kate: Ummm... not, ah... not exactly...

Aaron: New ‘tory, Unka Jack! New ‘tory wit spy-door, aaand... wadybug... aaaand... gwass-hop-oor...

Jack: Sorry, my little med student, I don’t know which story that could be.

Aaron: Shy-nt! Shy-nt!

Jack: Yes, that’s right. Jack kills the Giant when he chops down the beanstalk, because he’s a hero...

Aaron: Naw bean-tawk. Shy-nt peeeeeesh.

Jack: Giant peesh? ... Giant peach, you mean?

(Jack turns deliberately to look at Kate, as she backs out of the doorway)

Jack: JAMES and the Giant Peach, you mean?

Aaron: Yeah! He da hear-whoa. I wike him. I wike Tom Soar-wa, too! Weed me Tom Soar-wa, Unka Jack. He da best!

Jack goes on a ten-day bender and kills more than one person on the operating table. Sarah, heavily pregnant with her fourth child by another man, brings Jack the mix-tape he requested on visiting day at the penitentiary. (The Mariah Carey and Enrique Iglesias versions of “Hero” are prominently featured.)

Kate takes Aaron to the movies where they enjoy a “James and the Giant Peach/Adventures of Tom Sawyer” double feature. Aaron strikes up a conversation with the little girl sitting next to him and cons her out of popcorn money.

Back on the island, Sawyer hooks up with Juliet. Again.

The End.

#11. Posted by: Clementine at November 20, 2008 12:20 AM

Jack: Now this is a story that my dad used to tell me when I was a kid, although he was never home much.

Aaron: Okay.

Jack: (looking at book) There once was a beautiful princess named Fiona. Now, this princess had a deep and dark secret that she could not tell anyone because then nobody would like her.

Aaron: (thinking to self) This isn't Alice in Wonderland...

Jack: One day, someone came and saved her from a mean ol' dragon. Little did she know, this someone was an OGRE!

Aaron: *GASP!* Uncle Jack, I think I will stop you right there. I thought you were going to read me Alice in Wonderland?

Jack: How did you know that?

Aaron: I can see the cover.

Jack: No, see, it says, "Princess Fiona and the Ogre"

Aaron: No it doesn't.

Jack: When did you get so smart?

Aaron: Well someone around here has to be since you're not. How did you pass med school if you can't even read?

Jack: Now now Aaron, let that be our little secret. Mommy doesn't know that I'm not actually a doctor and I don't have my medical licence.

[Kate comes and watches Jack tell story from door]

Jack: ... and then the beautiful princess and the ogre got married and lived happily ever after!

Aaron: -- and that is why people say "stay in school".

#12. Posted by: ilovebenjaminlinusxx at November 20, 2008 6:20 PM

Sorry for putting this here, but there was nowhere else to put it.

I don't know if this counts as a spoiler, so don't kill me if it does. I also don't know if anyone else has already mentioned it, so sorry if I'm repeating someone.

Anyway... Anyone see the music video "You Found Me" by The Fray?

They have it free on itunes under "LOST Season 5"

I think it's also on ABC's website.

Anyway, there were all these clips in it, then all of a sudden there was a yellow logo thing that came up randomly for less than a second, so I decided to catch it in action.

So it ended up being a logo for "AJIRA Airways"... so I lostpedia-ed it.

That's what came up.

They also have a website!

Becuase "destiny calls" is the "tagline" for Season 5, I don't know if it'll have a big part of it... Just thought I'd mention it.

#13. Posted by: ilovebenjaminlinusxx at November 22, 2008 10:16 AM

Jack: When Jack reached the bottom of the beanstalk, he quickly grabbed an ax and swung with all his might. "THWAK!" The ax cut so deep into the trunk of the beanstalk that it became stuck. He pulled as hard as he could, but the ax wouldn't budge. Jack looked up and saw the giant closing in fast.
(Jack begins crying as he reads)
And the terror was just so.. crazy. So real. And Jack knew he had to deal with it. So Jack just made a choice. He'd let the fear in, let it take over, let it do its thing, but only for five seconds, that's all Jack was going to give it. So he started to count: One, two, three, four, five. Then it was gone. Jack calmly kicked the handle of the ax, and it became unstuck. With another powerful swing, the beanstalk fell, and so did the Giant.

Aaron: Did the Giant die?

Jack: Well.. by the time Jack finished counting to five, the Giant had already reached the bottom of the beanstalk, so the fall didn't hurt him. The Giant gets up and chases Jack, who runs off into the jungle.

Aaron: Does he eat Jack?

Jack: (turns page) We don't find out until later, because the next chapter is a flashback to a few months ago. Jack and his friend Jill are being held prisoner on a smaller Island and are forced by their captors to carry buckets of water up and down a hill. Jack loses his footing, falls down the hill, and winds up with severe head trauma. By the time Jack wakes up from his coma, the Sox had won the world series and Jill ran off with Tom Sawyer (glares at Kate).

#14. Posted by: vacc at November 24, 2008 10:10 AM

So, What's up with the missing post boxes??

Actually, Cecil, there is something wrong with an Adobe Flash update that won't let some people - you, me, etc.- see their results. I also read and there is a kind man there who will copy it and email it to you. You have to divulge your ARG name and password but we think that site is pretty dead.

#15. Posted by: berkyo at November 24, 2008 8:15 PM

so ilovebenjaminlinusxx, what do you think this site is? I entered my email address and haven't heard yet. another arg? or maybe the REAL arg?

#16. Posted by: berkyo at November 24, 2008 8:17 PM

My personal guess - the site is just a way to hype the new season.

I saw a link to downgrade your adobe flash player and took it but stil can't see any results on the Dharma site.

#17. Posted by: Cecil Rose at November 26, 2008 12:46 PM

Except: Just after writing the above, I tried again (maybe last night's reboot did the trick) and I can get in and download my Dharma dossier, complete with impressive diploma.

My position is "Psychologist" in the

Human Interaction Analysis Program

So there, doubters, p-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-t.

#18. Posted by: Cecil Rose at November 26, 2008 12:56 PM

....and now Dharma (which is now owned by Darlton) is sending me 'secret' email, pointing me to secret videos with news of the upcoming season. Of course they'll be available to the peons in 48 hours...

Bwaaa, haaa, haaa, haaa.....

#19. Posted by: Cecil at November 26, 2008 3:36 PM

Yeah, I figured the same thing as Cecil Rose did about the site.

My certificate recommends me to hold the posistion of "Cook".

I personally would not recommend that mainly because I wouldn't even trust my own cooking.

... I think it's because I only completed one test. I should see what happens to it when I finish all of them. =]

It said my GPA was 14. Yeah, I should probably finish taking the tests... if that's still possible. Otherwise, cool? I guess.

#20. Posted by: ilovebenjaminlinusxx at November 26, 2008 9:41 PM

Rats. It is not possible to finish them now.

I guess I'm a cook!! Maybe I'll cook for Ben, or... dead Horace.

#21. Posted by: ilovebenjaminlinusxx at November 26, 2008 9:43 PM

Thanks you ilovebenjaminlinusxx

I was worried I'd be a truck driver with no free beer.

I ended up as a "Teacher". So maybe you can go to my night school class and become a "Leader of the Cooks" !

I could read my file and also got the secret mailings like Cecil.

ilovebenjaminlinusxx you could also see Cecil and he can build up your confidence some. I mean everybody's got to eat.

#22. Posted by: samfin at November 28, 2008 10:22 AM

there are a lot of answers on

#23. Posted by: kimono at December 4, 2008 3:34 PM

Yeah, it looks like the ARG is done. I think the fake people on the forum sites were more interesting than the real ARG. I'm a Cinematographer.

Referring to the caption contest. My post was about the Polar bear comic book. Did any one notice in the sneak peek at season 5 the comic book on the table????

#24. Posted by: berkyo at December 8, 2008 7:20 PM

I'm sorry . . . I've been away having a life.

What are you people talking about?!?!?!


#25. Posted by: davidrh at December 9, 2008 1:44 PM

Jack: Tonight, we have a very good story about a little boy, like you.

Aaron: What’s it called?

Jack: The Vent

Aaron: What’s that mean?

Jack: A vent is a small place in the wall where air comes through … we have them here in this house. Look over here [pointing to the baseboard to his right] … see that piece of metal on the wall? That’s a vent. The air comes through that vent, to keep us cool in the summer, and warm in the winter. Do you understand?

Aaron: Yes. Where does it come from?

Jack: It comes from a place under the house … a place in the basement.

Aaron: Mommy told me not to go in the basement … she said it’s dangerous.

Jack: My, that’s a big word! Do you know what “dangerous” means?

Aaron: It means there are bad things there.

Jack: Yes, that’s right. The basement is dangerous. And that’s how our story begins.

Aaron: In the basement?

Jack: Yes.

Aaron: Is it dangerous?

Jack: Yes, it is. Are you okay with this story? Or should I stop?

Aaron: No. I want to know what’s in the basement.

Jack: Very good then! Let’s get on with the story … “The Vent.”

Aaron: Is this a story about my vent?

Jack: Well, I don’t know. I’m just reading the story … maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.

Aaron: I don’t think I want it to be about my vent.

Jack: Why?

Aaron: Because I know it’s not going to be a good story.

Jack: HOW do you know that?

Aaron: I don’t know. I just do.

Jack: Well. Just cuddle in under your blanket, and let me tell you the story. Everything will be okay. Okay?

Aaron: Okay.

Jack: So the story begins in a very, very old house, with some people who are thought to be a little strange.

Aaron: Is this house old?

Jack: Yes it is, very old.

Aaron: Did strange people live here? Mommy told me not to talk to strangers.

Jack: Well, you don’t have to worry about that. The strange people who lived here have been gone for a very long time. They belonged to a group of people called “The Dharma Initiative.”

Aaron: In-shah-tah-iv … that’s a very silly word!

Jack: Yes, it is … very silly. Well, back to our story. Hmm. The Vent.

Aaron: Is this going to make me scared?

Jack: Well, I hope not! It’s not supposed to.

Aaron: Okay then. I don’t want to be scared.

Jack: So, the story begins in an old house, where the Dharma Initiative has been doing experiments with people …

Aaron: You said THIS house had the in-sha-tah-iv people! And what’s sper-mints?

Jack: Oh … no, I was wrong … this house had no Dharma people … it’s just old. And experiments are when you do something and see what happens.

Aaron: Like when I pee-peed on mommy’s plant, and she got mad because they died?

Jack [breathily chuckling]: Yeah, kinda like that.

Aaron: Will someone pee-pee on me?

Jack: What? What do you mean?

Aaron: If it was a sper-mint when I pee-peed on mommy’s plant, and the in-sha-tih-iv people do sper-mints on people … does that mean they pee-pee on people?

Jack: [a little annoyed] NO! They don’t pee-pee on people! They do other things … they mess with people’s minds!

Aaron: I don’t get that. What’s that mean?

Jack: [sharply] Nevermind! … We need to get on with the story. Are you ready?

Aaron: Yes.

Jack: So, the strange people who lived in the old house, had people living in the basement. And those people were very, very bad.

Aaron: Why were the bad people in the basement?

Jack: Because that’s where bad people live … in the basement. And they crawl up through the vents at night, and snatch good people who live up above.

Aaron: What’s snatch?

Jack: That’s when a bad person grabs you, and takes you with them.

Aaron: Through the vent?

Jack: Yes, through the vent. The bad people come up from the basement, and snatch the good people, and then they take them down to the basement through the vent.

Aaron: Do the bad people take kids?

Jack: ESPECIALLY kids … they fit in the vent better, and don’t fight so much.

Aaron: I would fight!

Jack: Yes, of course you would … but most kids don’t. And they shouldn’t, because the vent is not such a bad place.

Aaron: I thought you said bad people were there!

Jack: Yes, they are, but they just want to scare the big people in the house. They like to scare people.

Aaron: Do they hurt people though?

Jack: Sometimes they do, but mostly not. They like to scare people.

Aaron: I would be VERY scared if they dragged me into the vent. [looking in panic at the baseboard vent to his right] THAT vent is open! [the vent cover has been unscrewed, and is propped up against the wall in front of the vent]. They are going to get me!!! They are going to get me and drag me through the vent!!

[just then, Kate appears in the door]

Jack: Now, now, settle down … no one is going to get you. I’ll fix that in the morning … so, shoooosh now. It’s all going to be all right. Just go to sleep now, and I promise you a nice toy in the morning, okay? Just keep quiet … Mommy doesn’t like you to be upset, okay?

Kate: Is everything okay in here?

Aaron: The bad people are going to get me!

Kate: What is going on here?

Jack: It’s okay, it’s okay … everything is okay, right Aaron? [pulling a Webkinz sea otter from beneath his shirt].

Aaron: [slowly whimpering toward okay] Yes, yes, mommy, it’s okay.

Kate: Aaron, are you ready for bed?

Aaron: [eying the Webkinz] Yes mommy, I’m ready for bed!

Kate: Jack, are you ready for bed?

Jack: Yes.

[Kate and Jack slowly close the door behind them].

[flash forward three hours … the loose vent at the right side of Aaron’s bed jiggles, then falls slowly to the floor. Out crawls Mikhail! He creeps out of the vent, and inches up to Aaron’s bed. He stands, then slaps his orangutan-sized paws over Aaron’s mouth!].

[Next morning]

Kate: [knocking on door] Sweetie, it’s time for breakfast. [Kate opens door, and finds bed empty]. Aaron, AARON! JACK! AARON IS MISSING!

Jack: [standing in the doorway] We need to go back … we need to go back … we need to go back!


[Jack is catatonic in the hall … repeatedly saying “we need to go back.”]

[Police come to the scene … a small child jammed head-first into a home heating vent, his head bent against the downward corner of the vent a few feet below the floor … suffocated.]

Jack: I had to do it … we need to go back! We need to go back!

Police: You admit to doing this?

Jack: We need to go back. I had to do it!

Kate: Oh Jack, how could you?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!

Jack: He wasn’t ours … and we need to go back … it was the only way.


[flash forward to Kate, now home alone, with a ring at the front door … much to her surprise, it’s Ben!]

Kate: What do YOU WANT? DO You KNOW WHAT I HAVE suffered?!

Ben: Of course. And I want you to know Aaron is safe.

Kate: WHAT DO YOU MEAN AARON IS SAFE!!! Aaron is dead!

Ben: Well, not so much. Does bunny #15 mean anything to you?

Kate: What the f%$& do you mean, bunny 15? I buried my child!!

Ben: Well, first of all, it wasn’t your child, and second of all, I was inquiring into your understanding of the Dharma experiments.

Kate: SO WHAT?! Aaron wasn’t my child! What else do you want from me?

Ben: I know Aaron wasn’t your child … what YOU don’t realize is that the child that died in the vent wasn’t Aaron, so to speak.


Ben: Quiet, please! The child that died in your vent was not Aaron, but rather a facsimile of him, created by the island. Aaron is alive and well, and waiting for your attention.

Kate: AARON IS DEAD! I have seen his body with my own eyes!

Ben: The Aaron you saw was the one you were supposed to see. There are those who would kill him, if they had the chance … I had to hide him from them. The only way was to create a time-copy of him, and kill “it.” I had Mikhail take care of this. We drugged Jack into thinking he was responsible … he is in psychiatric prison now, only to give credence to our story. We ALL must go back to the island. Aaron is safe. If you agree to go back, we will bring the others with us.

Kate: And what if I do NOT?

Ben: Then we all will DIE! Kate … the future of humanity belongs to you …

#26. Posted by: ealgumby at December 9, 2008 7:11 PM

Yes, I know ... very disturbing at nearly every level ...

I just figured ... whatever the REAL "Lost" plot might be, it would HAVE to bring a smile in comparison!

- here's waiting for the end of January ...

#27. Posted by: ealgumby at December 9, 2008 7:25 PM

On a lighter note. Calloo callay, oh frabjous day!

My S-4 DVD's arrived in my mailbox, precisely on the 9th! I'm spending all my (little) spare time reviewing Season 4.

First curiosity. I didn't notice this at the time - I guess becuase we didn;t know the full story of the Oceanic 6 - but when Jack is testifying at Kate's trial, he says their plane crashed in the South Pacific.

This is, of course, totally at odds with the story they later told of crashing in the Indian Ocean near Bali (and the location of the fake flight 815 wreckage.)

#28. Posted by: Cecil Rose at December 11, 2008 1:24 PM

@25 davidrh wondered:

>I'm sorry . . . I've been away having a life.

>What are you people talking about?!?!?!

Beginning around the time of the San Diego ComicCon, "the Dharma Initiative" solicited volunteers. Those of us who volunteered at the Con or by email were taken though a series of on-line tests, psychological, intelligence and dexterity tests.

At the end of the series we were given a score and a recommended Dharma position. I was recomended for "Psychologist", ILBXX for "Cook", SamFin "Teacher" and Berkyo "Cinematographer".

Unfortuntely, an email told us, the Dharma Initiative suffered some financial reverses and wouldn't be able to take us on right away, in fact Dharma was sold to Lindelof and Cuze, who would be contacting us. L&C have been sending us weekly 'secret' S-5 promo videos.

Still wanting to go to the island...

#29. Posted by: Cecil at December 11, 2008 1:36 PM

Thanks for the explanation Cecil. I am somewhat less confused.

By the looks of the trailers for next season, it appears we're heading into a very tragic and terrifying storyline. (As if last season didn't end bad enough.) I'm anticipating weeks of total confusion ahead. Won't it be grand!?!

On another path: So Mac, how's the toddler? (Besides underfoot all the time . . . )

Looking forward to Santa?

#30. Posted by: davidrh at December 12, 2008 7:55 AM

Look I love Lost too, but...

Ealgumby > you need help. You wrote a screenplay for that photo caption???You either have no girlfriend, no job, really good drugs, or all three.

Good Luck with that!

Bring on Season Five1

#31. Posted by: R at December 12, 2008 2:13 PM

@ samfin - 22
I like that idea. Go to night school classes and learn to be "leader of the cooks!"

Maybe I, as leader of the cooks, can battle BEN, leader of the others in a game of Mario Kart Wii to determine who gets the island. OR we could just try to kill each other's armies.

My army would use knives, spices, meat, and even A STOVE to intimidate Ben's army.

We would never kill Ben though, he's too special and has too much information floating around in his brain.

Maybe we can merge the armies together to make ONE awesome army!

Yeah, I have no idea why I'm still going on about this. It's 4:00AM... my mind isn't working straight... or it is and I'm just using the time as an excuse for my stupidity.


Well not completely...

@ ealgumby - 26
I definitely enjoyed your "caption". Very entertaining, and the end made me go 'WOAH'. Haha... It was extremely intense.

#32. Posted by: ilovebenjaminlinusxx at December 13, 2008 4:14 AM

Ref: ilovebenjaminlinusxx

I think your on to something. If you could put some truth serum in Ben’s dinner and if you could get some truth from that guy, you would be the most important cook of all time !

As for Cecil and myself.

What in the world could I teach Ben that he doesn’t already know.

And Cecil will be stuck trying to figure out Ben and his mother for years !!

#33. Posted by: samfin at December 14, 2008 1:47 PM


There's only one problem. Ben is no longer apart of the Dharma Initiative. I guess he is somewhat, fakely apart of it, but he's not ACTUALLY apart of it... if you get what I mean. But then again, the Dharma Initiative still believes he's apart of it so I guess in their eyes, he is still apart of it.

GREAT. So now I can meet him!

#34. Posted by: ilovebenjaminlinusxx at December 15, 2008 6:09 PM

@34 ilovebenjaminlinusxx

Ok girl, your gonna have to go undercover and volunteer for a position to be an "Other". once under cover you will need to use cunning and deceit. Get the info and pass it along to Mac’s blog.

This message will self destruct in 10 seconds ‘maybe”

#35. Posted by: samfin at December 16, 2008 11:21 AM

@33 samfin said:

>And Cecil will be stuck trying to figure out Ben and his mother for years !!

Ben would be easy compared to my mother.

#36. Posted by: Cecil Rose at December 16, 2008 12:30 PM

@36 Cecil:

Maybe your mom was an original Dharma member and you were born on the island.
That would explain a lot ! LOL

#37. Posted by: samfin at December 16, 2008 8:00 PM