The Lost Blog

LOST Caption: Pearls of Wisdom

Hello. My name is vacc, and this is your orientation for the LOST Photo Caption. The photo displayed below will appear on this site for two weeks and, during this time, you and your partner will observe a psychological experiment in progress. Your duty is to monitor fellow LOST bloggers as they post caption entries in response to this picture.  Those posting their captions are not aware that they are under surveillance or that they are subjects of an experiment. Working in eight-hour shifts, you and your partner will record everything you observe in the comments area below.

What is the nature of the experiment, you might ask. What do these LOST bloggers believe they are accomplishing as they struggle to come up with the perfect caption? You, as the observer, don't need to know. All you need to know is that the subjects believe that their photo captions are of the utmost importance. Remember, everything that occurs, no matter how minute or seemingly unimportant, must be recorded.  

Each time the comments area is filled with the fruits of your diligent observation, simply press the button labeled "POST" and - presto! - it will be transported directly to us. 

On behalf of the DeGroots, Alvar Hanso, and all of us here at the Lost Blog - thank you, Namasté, and good luck


Pearl Notebooks

First!

Alse...

Jack: Sawyer. Gimme a reggae beat.

Sawyer: Boo ba-dum boo... boo ba-dum boo...

Jack: Kate. Bass-line please.

Kate: Dum-dum da dum-dum dum... dum-dum da dum-dum dum...

Jack: Okay, in this cannister, in tribute to The Specials...

Hur-ley
A message to you, Hur-ley
A message to you, Hur-ley
Stop with your messin around
You'd better think of your future
It's time you straighten right out
Or else you'll wind up in jail
Hur-ley
A message to you, Hur-ley
A message to you, Hur-ley

#1. Posted by: Daniel Denial at January 9, 2009 5:35 PM

*also, not alse ;-)

#2. Posted by: Daniel Denial at January 9, 2009 5:36 PM

Man, that's a lot of sperm donors...

#3. Posted by: richardalpert at January 9, 2009 7:27 PM

Jack: "Monday, 15th November, 2004. Fat man returns to hatch, enters numbers..."
Hurley: Oh, God. Here it comes...
Jack: "...again has massive hunk of meat. Wonder where it all comes from. Bones look suspiciously humanoid."
Kate + Sawyer: What?!?!
Hurley: Aww man. Busted.
Kate: Hurley!
Sawyer: Gimme that ... Oh, HURLEY!!! Damn, you're sick!
Hurley: *Ashamed*

Also:
Days later... http://tinyurl.com/7w25zg

#4. Posted by: Arinen at January 9, 2009 11:10 PM

Jack: This one is addressed to Santa. It says, "I would like an argyle sweater. It would make me feel quite flamboyant! Don't tell, and I won't!"

Hurley: Hey, this one also goes to Santa ... "I want a Charlie in a box!"

Kate: Okay, this is weird ... another Santa letter ... "I would like a Hefner Hoister dominatrix kit! Complete with the Linus strap-on attachments."

Sawyer: I've got one from Rudolph's pal Hermie ... he wants the same thing except for a dentist's oral probe!"

Jack: These are all rejected letters to Santa!

Hurley: Dude, uh, if you find a letter asking for an anatomically correct female elf ... pretend you didn't see it, okay?

#5. Posted by: ealgumby at January 10, 2009 12:19 AM

"It was the best of times, it was the BLURST of times?!?!?"

eat on that one vague reference kings...

#6. Posted by: the late Dr. Monroe at January 10, 2009 10:12 AM

Yet another sign of the times: The US Postal Service has outsourced its dead-letter department to the Dharma Initiative.

#7. Posted by: Alaïs_Longthought at January 10, 2009 12:33 PM

Now, Kate, you're the one who wanted the pregnancy test! We're not going to pee in all them vials for you!

#8. Posted by: Lynda at January 10, 2009 6:47 PM

Kate: These are all filled with video tapes

Hurley: Dude! I think we just discovered YouTube.

#9. Posted by: vacc at January 11, 2009 9:25 AM

Jack: (stunned look after reading) They were watching us.. taking notes.. writing down everything we do...

Hurley: (opens a notebook) This one was dated two weeks ago. By someone named Theodor Geisel.

Kate: (smiles) Theodor Geisel? Isn't that Dr. Suess?

Sawyer: Hey Horton, let me have a look at that.. (takes book from Hurley and reads)
---------
Michael said I need a gun
I need a gun to find my son
A big long shiny silver gun
A loaded gun to shoot someone

Locke said to Mike, I know it's true,
They stole your boy away from you,
But if you wait, we'll come help too,
Alone there's little you can do,

They took my son, and it's my fault,
They took my son, his name is Walt,
So if you try to make me halt,
I'll lock you up inside this vault,

#10. Posted by: vacc at January 11, 2009 10:23 AM

Jack: Check this one out!

19:42 Kate Austen enters hatch
19:51 KA drinks Dharma energy drink
19:56 KA on exercise bike
20:24 KA finishes on bike. Goes to shower. Turns on.
20:31 KA undresses, enters shower. Man oh man oh man oh oh oh
20:4---~~}]2 ##}~~¬¬```


Hhhhmmm, I can't make the rest out. It's all stained and crusty and- UGGGHHH!!! Yuckyuckyuckyuck! Those dirty nasty nasty Dharma motherf-

#11. Posted by: Daniel Denial at January 11, 2009 3:03 PM

Federal Bailout Bookkeeping

#12. Posted by: ealgumby at January 11, 2009 9:03 PM

Jack: (reading the expiration date on the back of the Dharma dehydrated vegan-loaf packet)... hmmm, best if consumed by December 15th, 1992. Yeah, I think we can toss this one.

Sawyer: Whatever you say Kevorkian... I'll take that. I get the impression that where I'm going... it may still be good.

Hurley: Who cares. I'll eat it now.

Kate: What's the main ingredient Jack?

Jack: Say's here - "Soylent Hugo".

Sawyer: How old are you Jumbo-tron?

Hurley: I turn thirty next week. What are you saying, dude?

Saywer: Nothing.

Kate: I think that was 'Logan's Run', James.

Sawyer: You sure about that Princess? I wouldn't want the Big Easy here to turn in to my next FBM (foul bowel movement).

Jack: Okay people - enough already. Soylent anything is made from people. Period. We can't feed anyone with this! Except for maybe Ben... as a practical joke.

Kate: Nope. I've had a fiesta with Ben on the beach. That bug-eyed little bastard will eat anything. Heck, this is probably his special order stuff.

Hurley: People? No way. Let me try a bite.

Sawyer: At ease there Julia Child. I'm staying, you're going. That doctor gal Jules has the hots for me... plus she knows where all of the booze is hidden on the island. Can't say no to a free bottle in front of me.

Jack: Now you ARE sounding like you met my dad. Besides, I know her. I know her WELL. The only thing coming your way is a 'pre-frontal lobotomy'... not a 'free bottle in front of me'.

Kate: Alright gents... check the hormones. We need to get a life. Three months of NOT saying a word to one another, and now we can't shut the heck up?

Hurley: Made of people? I don't care. I haven't had a bite in hours.

Jack: It could be made of pre-island YOU - Hugo!

Hurley: Good... I've been meaning to lose a few pounds. (looks away and sees a phone book). Hey! The new phone book is here. (picks it up and looks inside) And I'm in it! I'm somebody.

#13. Posted by: DocH at January 11, 2009 10:43 PM

It says here "Subject Sawyer kisses Subject Austin, passionately." Oh, Kate...

#14. Posted by: Cecil at January 12, 2009 9:50 AM

10/12/04 10:38AM Reyes removes food item from pantry
10/12/04 11:45AM Reyes removes food item from pantry
10/12/04 12:29PM Reyes removes food item from pantry
10/12/04 13:08PM Reyes removes food item from pantry
10/12/04 14:32PM Reyes removes food item from pantry
10/12/04 14:54PM Reyes removes food item from pantry
10/12/04 15:00PM Shepard enters control room
10/12/04 17:00PM Shepard leaves control room
10/12/04 17:15PM Reyes removes food item from pantry
10/12/04 17:51PM Reyes removes food item from pantry
...

#15. Posted by: Cecil at January 12, 2009 9:58 AM

Hurley: "I thought you said there was a field full of *tubers* up here. Dang."

#16. Posted by: Cecil at January 12, 2009 10:01 AM

"Hmmm... 09/22/04 14:38 Subject Hume late entering code. Resulting magnetic anomally drags giant airplane from reality timeline. Abandoning post at this time, due to..."

#17. Posted by: Cecil at January 12, 2009 10:06 AM

"Hey wait - a minute...

12/11/04 0339 - Somone's blown up our sub. We have no retreat from the island.

12/15/04 0412 - Someone's found the island. We heard a helicopter fly over last night.

12/19/04 2128 - Things are getting crazy. Ben's taking one of them to see Jaob.

12/20/04 2245 - Most of out best fighters have been killed at the beach. Reports of a freighter off the coast. Ben captured by the invaders from the plane.

12/30/05 1511 - Armed men all over island. Tempest neutralized. Reports of explosion off the coast. Sky turned purple again....

01/02/09 Old time
05/13/88 New time 1224 Island stabilized. New leader in place."

Jack: "This is crazy. Today is only only November 27!"

#18. Posted by: Cecil at January 12, 2009 10:27 AM

Sawyer: (reads aloud) "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy... All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy... All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" (thumbs through notebook) Someone kept writing this over and over.

Hurley: (opens another tube) "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy... " Dude, that's all it says..

Kate: (flipping through pages in another book) This one too.. Oh. Wait a second.. this one has something else..

Sawyer: (bends next to Kate then reads aloud) "Today I removed a tumor from Ben's spine. I probably should have let the little bugger bleed to death but he's still my best chance for getting off the Island." (turns page) "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy..."

Jack: (furious) Give me back my diary Sawyer.

#19. Posted by: vacc at January 12, 2009 12:27 PM

Sawyer: Freckles, tell me you love me more or I'm gonna shoot Jack in the neck!"

#20. Posted by: Crispy Seaplanes at January 12, 2009 3:19 PM

Hurley: "Dude...this is totally tube-ular."

-or-

Sawyer: "I wonder if this is what Sun & Jin meant when they said they were gonna be making wierd fortune cookies."

#21. Posted by: Red...Neck...Man at January 12, 2009 5:17 PM

What I want to know is ...

where did the Pearl Station get its apparently endless supply of those wonderful empty tubes?

#22. Posted by: ealgumby at January 12, 2009 7:53 PM

Smoke Monster pellets/litter box

#23. Posted by: ealgumby at January 12, 2009 7:54 PM

Hurley: Hey dudes. There's a little sign here. It says "DHARMA Spam Filter Outlet". Does that mean what I think it does?

Sawyer: Well I'll be... The Hurley bird's caught his worm. This here's a junk folder for snailmail!

Jack: That explains it. Look at this one: "I am writing as a representative of a recently deceased Nigerian and require a safe deposit to get $50m out of the country". And how about this one: "Do you need a few extra inches? Contact us for all natural penile enlargement."

Hurley: Well dudes, we wont need that one, will we?

Jack: Hehe, I've no complaints in that department. How about you Sawyer?

Sawyer: Hell Doc, do I look like I get any complaints?

... ... ...

Jack & Hurley: Kate?

Kate: Well...

#24. Posted by: Daniel Denial at January 13, 2009 8:49 AM

The next Dan Brown novel must be in there someplace!

#25. Posted by: ealgumby at January 13, 2009 1:55 PM

@21 RNM
"The man who has many friends knows much happiness"

That's not a fortune cookie, that's a wisdom cookie! I hate it when they give you wisdom, I want a fortune!

#26. Posted by: FenwayBen at January 20, 2009 2:01 AM