As the officer glanced at Cindy's car, he was stunned to see that the driver behind the wheel was knitting!

Cindy was oblivious to sirens and flashing lights, so the trooper lowered his window, and yelled into his bullhorn, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" Cindy shouted back to the officer, "IT'S A SCARF!"

CLOSEUP: SWINGS SCARF OVER SHOULDER

PANS OUT: SCARF GETS CAUGHT ON MYSTERIOUS CEILING FAN

CINDY'S SCARF: Your trial period is over. You are not worthy of this island. I will now squeeze the Otherness out of you.

CINDY: No wait, please, it was just one time! One time!! I was in the jungle...I had to go...you were all I had!

CINDY'S SCARF: That's no excuse! You could've found a big leaf or even some tree bark. But you chose to use me! (SQUEEZING...TIGHTER...TIGHTER)

CINDY: ACK! COUGH COUGH! ACK!

(Ordered from the J. Peterman catalog...classic Mr. Slocum, classic.)

I just read on CNN that the Scarf was just jailed for DUI in Hawaii. Looks as if it could get the boot soon.

Cindy: (thought bubble)
"Oh no you didn't just call me a 'Stewardess'!" (SNAP)

Scarfy: (thought bubble)
"FINALLY... someone got it right! A flight attendant wouldn't wear me on a bet. Only a stewardess gets my fashion sense."

EMMA: We had to come out. It was "two in tents" in there.

The new film from Bad Robot Productions featuring

Zach, as the mysterious young preacher-boy, ISAAC

Emma, as his right-hand enforcer, MALACHAI

With special appearance by The Monster as
“HE WHO SMOKES BEHIND THE JUNGLE”

All the children: Praise Jacob, praise the island!

Isaac: Behold, a dream did come to me in the night and the island did show all this to me. In the dream, the island did come to me. He was a shape, it was He Who Smokes Behind the Jungle, and I did fall on my knees in terror, and hide my eyes that the fearfulness of his face strike me dead, and he told me all that has since happened. He said Ben has taken his things and fled this happy place because the worship of me is no longer upon him, so take you his life and spill his blood. I brought you upon this earth, but let not the flesh pollute the Scarf, cast him instead upon the Smoke!

Malachai: And so it was done, Ben was cast out!

Isaac: And He Who Smokes Behind the Jungle did say, I will send outlanders among you, a whole plane-load, and these be unbelievers and profaners of the holy, and a child they will bear and they shall call him Aaron, and he has great power, even greater than that of the Taller Walt!

All the children: The Taller Walt! Yes, the Taller Ghost Walt!

Isaac: And one named Locke will appear, and he will claim a connection to the island, but he is weak and his followers shall fail. And they shall steal the Aaron from us, and destruction shall come to the unbelievers!

Isaac: What Hath the island commandeth?

Malachai: Make sacrifice unto Jacob! Bring him the blood of the outlanders!

All the children:
Praise Jacob, praise the island!
Praise Jacob, praise the island!
Praise Jacob, praise the island!
(chants)

This Film Now Shown Exclusively On Flight 815
Coming Soon to an Island Near You
Rated R:
For Massive Blood-Letting and Tie on Scarf Sex

Rex Reed says “Scarf-tastic and scary as hell! Cindy steals the show, as a walking clothes hanger!”

***No scarves were harmed in the making of this movie. Some children and pets were killed***

Cindy: Did you say something Emma?

Emma: No, it was your scarf.

Cindy: I know! Isn't it GORGEOUS. It says "I make you look pretty darn pretty" to me too!

Zach: (Laughs)

Cindy: What's so funny, punk?

Zach: Your scarf told me it was going to snap my neck... I don't believe it.

(Cindy's scarf snaps Cindy's neck)...
(Cindy's scarf gets around Zach)

Cindy's Scarf (to Zach): Now you believe me?

Zach: Yes master. You make me look GORGEOUS.

MORAL OF SEEMINGLY POINTLESS STORY:
Cindy's Scarf = Gorgeously =D (Evil?)

Richard Alpert: "Zach, Emma, Cindy... you too Scarfy - anyone see Mr_Naysayer this evening? Ben is looking for him... he needs help with the new island joke book he is trying to write."

(cricket chirps)

Richard Alpert: "I'll take that as a no!"

Zach: (mumbles under his breath) "Bat Manuel."

Cindy, Zach & Emma (all at once): "Anything you say."

Cindy: "We just want to know about the island and you said this is where you'd take us to learn."

Scarfy: "Yeeeesssssss....Ben may have is 'leader' Jacob...and his stupid cabin....but I hold the secret to the island."

Cindy, Zach & Emma (all at once): "We believe you."

Scarfy: "Now....when I say so...turn around and you'll see the true home of the island secret....The Tent of Doooooooom!!"

Cindy: "Just say when."

Scarfy: "A quick story first....A long time ago, I originated from that fine piece of cloth....oh crap, it disappeared again."

Cindy set out to Madagascar for her vacation.
Cindy selected the perfect scarf to wear on her trip.
Cindy signaled for a cab until one driver stopped his car for her.
Cindy spent her last $20 as carfare to the airport.
Cindy saw her favorite film Scarface on the plane.
Cindy said it should have won the Oscar for best picture.
Cindy sipped her wine and scarfed down lunch before plane broke in half
Cindy still has a scar from the plane crash.

Cindy, Emma, Zach (together): ALL HAIL Arznto Alfanzo Scarf-YO!

It's much more difficult to come up with something scarf-ish for a specific pic.

Ummmmmmmmmmm.....

SCARF!!!!!!!

(Gong!)

** NOT a Spoiler **
In an upcoming episode, the Losties discover another hatch with a new Dharma logo:

http://tinyurl*com/25yusl

It is the "Scientific Clothing Accessories Research Foundation" hatch.

The orientation film mentions something about a missing article of clothing that has escaped and could be considered dangerous.

Truly brilliant!

But would Christian Siriano find it "fierce" enough? I'm quite sure he'd bitch about the pedestrian pattern and sloppy tassles ... yes, I watch Project Runway ... can never get enough of Heidi (Seal, you are a lucky man).