Charlie: "Teacher says, everytime a bell rings, an angel gets his wings." Ay, St. Peter, this one's a lost cause. Are ya sure I can't switch out with Libby? I'll put the fear of God into Michael, I promise!

((crack))lightning

Charlie: All right, all right. Hey, Hugo, let's focus now. I need you to check out of this dump and head back to the island to save your friends. But first, let's go ring your call-bell.

Hurley: "It keeps getting funnier Chuck. Hey, by the way, want some H?"

Hurley: Not long, Dude. I promise, those squirrels should be getting married any second!

CHARLIE: I am here.

HURLEY: Four!

CHARLIE: Don't do this.

HURLEY: Eight!

CHARLIE: They need you.

HURLEY: Fifteen!

CHARLIE: They need you, Hugo.

HURLEY: Sixteen!

CHARLIE: You know they need you.

HURLEY: Twenty Three!

CHARLIE: You're being a baby.

HURLEY: Forty Two!
[Hurley opens his eyes, but Charlie is still there]

HURLEY: Dude! You were supposed to hide while I was counting. Don't tell me you never played 'hide and seek' with your brother.

CHARLIE: You have to help save them, Hurley.

HURLEY: You mean Claire, Sawyer, Locke, and the others?

CHARLIE: No, Jack will save them. I'm talking about Drive Shaft. Did you hear the sodded album they just put out? They sound like a bloody bunch of wankers!

HURLEY: Dude, I know it sucked lemons.. but what am I supposed to do.

CHARLIE: Go find Liam. Give him this.
[Charlie takes a piece of paper from his pocket. Written in large letters at the top of the page are the words "Greatest Hits". Hurley starts to read out loud.]

HURLEY: "Starts with open eye…
Airplane tumbles from the sky…
Soon… many will die." Hey, wait a minute.... I recognize this.. It's the haiku MorBid0 posted on mac's blog.

CHARLIE: I just don't think the world is ready for 'Monster Ate The Pilot' quite yet.

Hurley (to self): And they put ME in this institution...

Hurley: Dude.

Charlie: All right, you got me. My eyes are watering.

Charlie (ponders): "I wonder if mac@filmfodder.com is going to select me to step-in and write the season four finale review on May 29th... I do know Peter Jackson..."

Hurley (ponders) "I wonder if the catering truck has those chocolate eclairs again this afternoon for dessert..."

((*POOF*))

Charlie: Dammit, Hugo!

Hurley (under his breath): You're not real, you're not real, you're not real...

Charlie: Oh, I'm real enough.

Hurley: You can't make me go back, dude.

Charlie: Hmm, does the sky look purplish to you?

Hurley: Noooo!!!! There's no hatch, there's no purple sky, there's no dead Charlie sitting next to me, and time-travel is not possible...

((whoosh))

Hurley: Dude, is that a pirate?

Charlie: Oops, overshot a little bit.

Hurley: I can see that dude, but why's your head back like that?

Charlie: Hayfever. I'm about to - ATCHOOOOO!!!

Hurley: Gross dude! You totally ecto-plasm-snotted me!

HURLEY:
I thought you had died
Really tore me up inside
Maybe Desmond lied?

CHARLIE:
Let's get one thing clear
I am dead but also here
Sure could use a beer

HURLEY:
Therapists have said
Made you up inside my head
Have I been misled?

CHARLIE:
I am Charlie Pace
So your doubts may be erased
Slapped you in the face

HURLEY:
Ow! That sure did sting
But it doesn't prove a thing
Can I hear you sing?

CHARLIE:
Fear of what I'll say
That is why you ran away
No time to delay

HURLEY:
I don't want to hear
Count and cover up my ears
Hope you disappear

CHARLIE:
You must make amends
Fate of every one depends
Help your Island friends

HURLEY:
Glad they're still alive..
Did what I must to survive..
One... Two... Three... Four... Five...

You were reading my mind! Ah, so wonderfully juvenile, yet apparently not enough to prevent me from taking it a step further ...

CHARLIE: I am dead. But I'm also here.
HURLEY: Ok, prove it. [toot!]
CHARLIE: Damn, Hurley! Isn’t my suffering that smell proof enough?
HURLEY: Dude, sorry for dropping the air biscuit. It’s bean burrito day at the cafeteria; all you can eat. [toot!]
CHARLIE: Christ, that’s a banquet, not a biscuit! I can’t believe I’m sitting this close to you. [shifts a bit, and diverts his nose from the smell]
HURLEY: You're dead, what do you expect me to do? [toot!]
CHARLIE: Well certainly not soil your pants!
HURLEY: I'm not listening to this, cause you're not here.
CHARLIE: I am here, you're being a baby. [cough] Apparently, a messy one.
HURLEY: I'm gonna close my eyes and count to five, and when I open them you'll be gone.
CHARLIE: I am here.
HURLEY: One! [toot!]
CHARLIE: Don't do this. [eyes tearing up]
HURLEY: Two!
CHARLIE: They need you.
HURLEY: Three! [toot!]
CHARLIE: Okay, *I* need you to stop that, Hugo.
HURLEY: Four! [TOOT!]
CHARLIE: Oh that’s it, I’m out. You’re making me queasy!
HURLEY: Five!
[Hurley opens his eyes, and Charlie is gone]
HURLEY: Doctor! Doctor!!!
[The good doctor rushes over]
DOCTOR: What is it, Mr. Reyes? [turns sharply] Oow, what died?
HURLEY: It’s Charlie! Charlie died!
[The doctor turns to see an object drop from the leg of Hugo’s pajamas as he stands]
DOCTOR: Mr. Reyes, did you, ahem, “soil” yourself?
HURLEY: [excited] Aha, aha! That’s what Charlie said! You heard him, didn’t you?
DOCTOR: Nurse, orderly! Over here at once! [turns to Hurley] So, Mr. Reyes, you’ve named it Charlie?
HURLEY: You saw Charlie too, didn’t you!
DOCTOR: Well, I see "Charlie," but he’s just a piece of excrement, Mr. Reyes.
HURLEY: Don’t you talk about my friend that way!
DOCTOR: [turns to nurse] Nurse, please note Mr. Reyes is assigning anthropomorphic attributes to his feces.
HURLEY: [looks down] Dammit! That’s not Charlie, you idiot!
DOCTOR: Orderly, he says that’s not Charlie; check his pants for another one.
HURLEY: Are you all insane?
DOCTOR: Nurse, no more “South Park” marathons for Mr. Reyes.
HURLEY: Okay Charlie, you win! I’m coming!
DOCTOR: Dear God.

Hugo: Thinking t himself, I wonder if these pants make me look fat??

Charlie: Uhh... why?

Hurley: Because you have long curly hair.

Charlie: Uh... Hugo... you're the one with curly hair.

Hurley: Oh.