Jack: I love you too John!

Locke: You know what Desmond would say in this situation?

Jack and Locke (together): See you in another life, BROTHA.

Smokey: This is not a time to have a sentimental conversation! (Pulls Locke more towards the hole)

(Jack screams for his life and reaches towards Kate for the dynamite)

Jack: YOU WILL NEVER STEAL MY LOVE!!! NEVERRRR. (throws dynamite into Smokey)

Smokey: Rats. (lets go of John, gets attacked by rats).

Locke: I knew that just because you're a man of science and I'm a man of faith we would still be meant for each other!

Kate (thinks to self): Guess I gotta pick Sawyer now...

----------------------

"Tastes great!"
"Less filling!"
"Tastes great!"
"Less filling!"

----------------------

"39 to go. So who do you reckon's hiring in 2010?"

John: "Jack!... Say it again!... Repeat After Me!... 'WHO... DO... YOU... WORK FOR... NUMBER TWO'?!"

(later when all is calm)

Jack: "Wow. This new open air, two seat john that Ben had installed really helps with the 'mutually support' during trying times... uh... hmm... I mean latrine... not john... John. Sorry Locke I keep forgetting."

John: "Whatever you say Jack."

Locke: (grunts loudly)

Jack: "Good, John! Bear down! Bear down! Don't forget to breathe, though. Hee-hee-hooooo, hee-hee-hooooo!"

Locke: (keeps grunting, pushing, and squealing)

Jack: Good, John! You're crowning! You're almost there...one more big push should do it, OK?"

Locke: "I can't! I can't do this anymore! It hurts too much!"

Jack: "No, John, you CAN do this! I know you can! And I'm gonna help you, I promise. Now, push for me. C'mon, push!"

Locke: AAAAAARGGGGGGHHHH!

Jack: There! It's out, John! You did it! It's beautiful! And so big, too. I'd say at least 8 lbs!"

Locke: "Holy sh-t...that's the last time I ever eat DHARMA cheese!"

Locke: Let me go, Jack. I know what I'm doing.

Jack: What? Letting a smoke monster drag you into a hole?

Locke: I'm a sacrifice the Island demanded.

Jack: I won't let go. (Jack pulls harder)

Locke: (Screams in agony as his body is ripped in half from the brutal tug-o-war)

Jack: (fights back tears) I'll fix you. I promise you'll dance at your wedding.

Top Half of Locke: (smiles) Don't you mean OUR wedding?

Locke: "Did vacc just call us Buttheads."

Doc: "He did! You know what that means?"

Locke: "YES I DO!"

[Both men, MOS & MOF, turn up-camera and empty their pistols into vacc. In unison, they pop out their spent magazines, reload and continue to fire into vacc.)

Locke: "Looks like we finished him off Doc".

Doc: "No, I think I can save him Locke".

Locke: "You'd better Doc. He has a finale review to write in a few weeks at FilmFodder."

(eyes glazed over, vacc looks up and thinks, 'Waaalllttt?'.)

Doc: "At least he got your name right... Butt Head!"

Locke: "What? Because of the chrome dome?"

Doc: "yeah... I CALL DIBS ON BEAVIS".

Locke: "Whatever... I used to call Charlie that because of his hair."

Wilford Brimley (Locke): Jack, have you ever considered your options with regard to managing die-uh-bet-ush?

Pigeon-beaked human (Jack): What? I'm busy pecking these seeds from the ground ... so many seeds!

Don Locke: "I cannot give you the kiss of death, unless you look me in the eye."

Jack: "Sorry, capo, but your fly is open."

Jack: Oh crap, that hurts!

Locke (shaken, but not stirred): You should know better as a doctor ... use the forehead (smacks Jack squarely in the nose with his broad forehead, sends blood streaming in all directions) ...

Locke: Very fresh. I like it. What did you call it again?

Jack: It just said Dharma on the bottle. I think it's their version of "Prell."

Locke: Or the liquid remains of the Purge.

Jack: (barf)

Locke: Just stay out of Ben's closet, OK? And the refrigerator, too.

Jack: What about her?

Locke: You hittin that?

Jack: What's it to you?

Locke: Just curious... You know, I like my women the same way I like my coffee.

Jack: ...?

Locke: anally.

→ 16. Posted by: robislost
Not so Dharma-rific... I let my teen-aged daughters read this website. Well... not again for a few months.

Not to mention... ME.

I didn't mention you, but I am glad you liked Clementine's joke.

You see, back in the late 70's, when I was your age, they had a popular shampoo on the market that was called "Gee, Your Hair Smells Terrific!". In the ads, people were always standing near, behind, beside or above another person, telling them how terrific their shampoo smelled. Thats what makes it such a good Locke nose-to-Jack noggin joke.

School screws everything up. I wanted to submit a theory but NOOO, I was too busy at school doing absolutely nothing.

Today was take your child to work day, and I couldn't even go because I had a trial for my law class and I was an attorney. I also had a test... but that's not the point.

BUT TODAY IS THE NEW EPISODE, SO IT'S ALL GOOD!!!!!! I'm so excited!!!