Soulmates, reality or torture device?
The show opens with all the girls getting dolled up at home to go out on a Saturday night to an engagement party. They all had a fling with the groom-to-be. Throughout the party, Carrie and Miranda congratulate the couple in an obligatory, overkill, civilized society kinda way.
One of the guests makes the mistake of complimenting Charlotte on her wedding ring and asks where her husband is. Charlotte goes off on a babbling tear of denial to this complete stranger about how their separated, not living together and not having sex, causing the guest to warn someone else, "don't talk to her." I think we've all had it done to us and done it ourselves. Seeing it is a brilliant warning to realize that if you're doing this, you're probably obsessed with something. It's a nasty mirror.
Miranda and Carrie get surrounded and ambushed by a group of married and engaged women. Miranda decides to react to the immediate "are you seeing anyone" questions in a self-effacing way. Carrie notices this and Miranda tells her later that she went on the offensive to avoid the judgmental pity party. There are two different kinds of people out there, married and single and we both feel sorry for each other.
After the party, Charlotte freaks out and scoots over to Trey's apartment in the middle of the night. She claims that she can't go to anymore parties until she understands their relationship and she's got a list of questions so that she can stay focused. A very healthy and healed Trey doesn't hear a word Charlotte's saying due to his surprise boner. He's climbs all over her like a jungle gym and whoopsy, he shoots all over her coat. Charlotte storms out while asking him to stop calling her, she'll call him when she figures out what the hell this is.
Carrie receives a dating service ad in the mail addressed to "Dear Single" which becomes the topic du jour at the morning coffee shop ritual with the girls. On the subject of soulmates, Charlotte believes in them piously. Carrie believes there are many of them for all of us. Miranda and Samantha think the idea is dangerous because it sets us up to fail and makes "the gap between the holy grail and the assholes even bigger." Miranda & Samantha decide to fill the application out for Carrie. They check off the 30 to 34 age box when Charlotte reminds them that Carrie's turning 35 next week. Miranda checks off 35 to 44 and with a wink Samantha purrs, "Honey, welcome to my box."
While walking to lunch, Samantha plans an intimate birthday party at Il Contanori for Carrie and asks her if she should invite Big. They're friends right? Carrie thinks he's still in London and decides to keep the guest list to low maintenance friends. All of a sudden, they pass a church and Samantha starts to drools when she spots a very exotic man who happens to be a priest. Enter Friar Fuck Samantha notes the street name and on Sunday, goes to church. She pulls out a myriad of her patented seductions on the holy man to no avail. Except for the all afternoon self-help marathon she rides as soon as she gets home.
Later out for drinks, Charlotte notices that her face is glowing. Two to two and half hours of masturbation tends to do that. Miranda can't believe the time invested. She likes to get in and get out. Samantha enjoys a quickie once in awhile too but when it's good like today, she goes with it. Carrie thinks Charlotte's gonna need a crash helmet when she finds out that the marathon was due to a priest. I think she's more shocked by the idea that Samantha might even have a priest. Samantha wants to know who everyone's masturbation guy is. Carrie and Samantha masturbate to Russell Crowe and before that, George Clooney. Carrie waxes, "Clooney's like a Chanel suit, he'll always be in style." Miranda did it to a rude busboy once. Charlotte does it to the idea of her husband, Trey. Poor fucking Charlotte. She's so desperate for the one thing that she SHOULD have in the middle of all this that she has to fantasize about it.
Back at home at exactly 12:00 midnight, Carrie calls Big's answering machine and stutters an invite her birthday party
Next day on Wall Street, Miranda bumps into a married friend who asks her if she's seeing anyone, but this time, Miranda stays real. She simply doesn't know if she believes in the "someone for everyone" theory. Miranda returns the favor and asks her how her husband is. Lo and behold, the friend goes on the offensive and mocks herself couched in a comedy routine about married life. Miranda realizes that we're all the same in our hopes, dreams and pain whether we're single or married.
Samantha isn't done so she visits the priest at his church. She brings some high-end canned goods and confesses that she thinks about him and wonders aloud if he ever thinks about her. He says that he believes in the body and that it's perfect in its splendor, but he's not of his body. His life is about other joys. Rats. I didn't think they were gonna go for that.
On the night of her birthday, Carrie's surprised to realized that she's the first one to arrive at her party of 10 birthday party. She orders a Shirley Temple since there'll be a river of champagne later on. 20 minutes later a birthday cake trailed by a singing line of people filter into the room. They pass right by Carrie. They plop the cake down in front of the woman seated at a table behind Carrie when the she drunkenly screams, "25! FUCK I'm old" and spits out the candles.
Feeling older and lonelier by the minute, Carrie checks her watch and just when it can't get any worse, the Maitre De informs her that the birthday cake has arrived and somebody needs to pay for it. Ugh. Completely bummed out and seventy dollars lighter from her own birthday cake, Carrie blindly walks into a construction site. The construction workers scream bloody hell and freak her right into dropping the cake. She scrapes it up and runs home.
There are 14 messages waiting for her on her machine. Samantha's stuck at work, Charlotte & Miranda are stuck in traffic and Stanford's at the wrong place with a similar name. As Charlotte uses her key to take come in and take her to the coffee shop for her birthday, Miranda's message plays. She's at the restaurant. Next, Samantha's message says that they're on their way uptown. Charlotte walks into the bathroom and scares the shit out of Carrie while she's in the shower.
So at the end of the day, the girls celebrate at the coffee shop. Carrie's so depressed. The more she sat there alone waiting, the more she thought about not having a man in her life that cares about her. "No goddamn soulmate." Charlotte suggests that maybe they should be each other's soulmates and then they could let men be these nice guys to have fun with. Now all the girls are feeling a bit raw but it's always darkest before the dawn. As Carrie walks toward her apartment she notices a big black shining car with a big driver leaning on it outside smoking a big cigarette. Big smile, knock on the backseat window, big window rolls down and big red balloons float out. Mr. Big to the rescue. He's got a bottle of champagne and it's after midnight. We find out (maybe) that Big is between 40 and 45. Carrie asks him how he feels about soulmates. He likes the word soul and the word mate, other than that, you got him. Can't be more frank than that.
As Big drives away, Carrie comes to the conclusion that having 3 soulmates already nailed down makes it easier to spot those great guys to have fun with and releases her balloons to the city.
Patty Opinion: She called after the previews.
Miranda: He couldn't remember my name?
Carrie: Maybe you should have shown him both boobs.
Samantha referring to a dating service ad that was mailed to Carrie: That's the postal equivalent to a drive by shooting.
Samantha: Honey, welcome to my box.
Carrie on masturbating to George Clooney: Clooney's like a Chanel suit, he'll always be in style.
Drunken Birthday Girl at a restaurant: Twenty five!? FUCK I'm old!
Carrie: I'm thirty five.
Samantha: Oh shut the fuck up, I'm a hundred and forty.