the good fight

"I used to think those people who sat alone at Starbucks writing on their laptops were pretentious poseurs. Now I know. They're people who've recently moved in with someone. As I looked around I wondered, how many of them were mid-fight, like myself. The hard thing about fighting in relationships as opposed to Madison Square Garden; no referee. There's no one to tell you which comments are below the belt or when to go to your separate corners. As a result, someone usually gets hurt. And it seems that the closer a couple gets and the more stuff they have between them, the harder it is to figure out exactly why they're yelling. When it comes to relationships, I couldn't help but wonder:"   The Big Factor
[ no big ]

What are we fighting for?

Our "bonus season" opens with Aidan half way moved into Carrie's, strike that, THEIR apartment, strike that, APARTMENTS. Carrie slams into a mountain of boxes as she enters. Aidan's blocked the front door. He's made himself an area for work papers if that's alright with her. It is, until she notices that he's blocked one of the doors to her bathroom. He doesn't think she needs two, but Carrie loves that fact just in case a rapist breaks in, she can see him coming via the bathroom mirror's reflection and bolt out through the other door.

Aidan assures her that it's only until the end of next week when they close on the apartment next door. Then can move in together and spread out comfortably. Carrie takes the high road and figures out loud that she can handle it until she steps over Petey, gives him a warm facial scratch and notices a plant.

At the communal lunch club, Carrie complains to the divas how Aidan dared to bring yet another living thing into her apartment since she seems to kill everything. Then she bitches about how he took over a whole area and Miranda reminds her that she moved in with the guy. What did she expect? Carrie also doesn't like the way Aidan bombards her with questions the moment she walks in the door like, "who'd ya see, where ya been, whaddya know" etc. She needs time to "decompress." This is interesting for me to see this from the other side. I lived with someone who I was so happy to see when he got home that I did the exact same thing as Aidan did. I was in my early twenties and not yet stable enough to handle the rejection when he screamed at me to leave him alone for awhile. I couldn't understand why he wasn't as happy to see me as I was him. Viewing this behavior now, I can understand where Carrie is coming from. But to me, it's a dead bang give away to the oh so obvious fact that Aidan cares more for Carrie than she does him. Yeah I know, big surprise.

Carrie continues to bitch and moan about how she misses walking into her apartment when no one is there and it's all quiet. Now, how long do you think it's been since they moved in? Not long, maybe a week and she's already freaking out. She misses her "S.S.B." or secret single behavior. Things like standing up in the kitchen eating a stack of saltines with jelly on them whilst reading a fashion mag. She could NEVER do that in front of a guy. Big fucking deal! Charlotte's S.S.B. is to stare at her pores into a high powered mirror for an hour every night. Miranda's is to slather her hands with vaseline, slip them into gloves and watch infomercials. There isn't one damn thing that Samantha wouldn't do in front of a guy and Miranda believes her.

Samantha's cell phone rings and Carrie reminds her about the no cell phone lunch rule. The display simply reads, "DICK." Since it's her boss, she has to take it. Apparently, Richard wants her to drop something off even though Samantha protests that it's Sunday. The girls don't buy it. Samantha assures them it's just work. Charlotte reminds her that she's sleeping with him. Samantha can't believe that Carrie told them. I sure can. That gaping hole of a mouth is a nation wide hook-up. Miranda smirks and wants all the juicy details since she's a horny pregnant woman but Samantha doesn't wanna talk about it. The table hoots it up and just in case you don't know why, it's because the only reason Samantha or any of us wouldn't say anything is because we like the guy. Carrie and Charlotte taunt Samantha who insists that she doesn't like Richard. With a nod in Samantha's direction, Miranda says, "Oh my God we're gonna have to ice skate home. Hell just froze over."

Samantha describes his long, pink and amazing "dick-a-licious" dick and for now, the ladies buy it.

Over at the MacDougal palace, Charlotte flits over her day planner trying to fill it up now that she isn't trying to conjure up a baby. She tells Trey that she's going to have the girls over and he thinks that sounds like great fun. Charlotte tells him that he's not invited. Ouch. This is so gonna backfire on her. Unless of course she's deconstructing the marriage on purpose. I don't care if it's subconscious or not. I'm on Trey's side here. Here we are in yet another relationship where the guy feels more than the girl and suffers the abuse as a result.

Charlotte bitches about the fact that they have a baby room but no baby and Trey decides to tell her some good news. He may have snagged some tickets to "The Producers." (Starring Mr. Sarah Jessica Parker in case you didn't know. Nice plug.) Charlotte is mortified at the suggestion even though Trey just thought they could use a giggle and I wholeheartedly agree.

Later on that day, Samantha traipses into Richard's fishbowl of an office in a stunning, low cut, green dress that scaaaaa-reams cleavage to find him on the phone, awkwardly barking in German. She's nothing but business when Richard pulls out a long, perfect, pink rose from his desk. He's been thinking about her all weekend. Hell continues to melt but our sex-trooper sucks it up, tells him that she's gonna give him something to think about all evening, drops her portfolio on the ground, spins him around in his leather chair out of view of the office staff, gets down on her knees and purrs, "Da ist ein shoener perfekta schwanz." I bet they wrote the entire scene around her saying this line. Who says German isn't sexy? Mach schnell baby.

We find Miranda walking down the street with Walker Lewis: State Department Interpreter; her consistently cancelled blind date. They seem to like each other just fine but when they lean in for the first kiss and Walker's hand tries to travel south, Miranda flinches away. He asks to see her before he's outta town again.

Next day (me thinx) Miranda runs it all down for Carrie. She really wants to have sex with him but she's afraid of the moral and physical implications concerning her baby. Here's the dialogue:
Miranda: He's so cute and funny and sexy and I really want to have sex with him but I don't know! Is it okay to fuck one guy when you're pregnant with another man's baby?
Carrie: If one more person asks me that today...
Miranda: I mean I'm not in a relationship with the father of the baby or anything.
Carrie: Well I've rarely heard that used as a plus but go on.
Miranda: Is it tacky? And beyond tacky is it safe? Let's assume he's a really great fuck...
Carrie: Cause so many men are.
Miranda: Can all that poking shake the baby loose or something?
Carrie: *ridiculous look*
Miranda: Nooooooo, that's silly! Married couples have sex all the time but what if he's huge?
Carrie: Again, cause so many men are.
Miranda: Could the dick dent the baby?
Carrie: Where do you think dimples come from?
Miranda: Oh that is so cute.
Carrie: I try...
Miranda: Okay I reeeeeaaaally need to have sex with him now. Next time he gets back in town I'll be too big and he won't want to. Nothing puts a man off sex like pregnancy. This is my last chance. Last chance for sex.
Carrie: You're not on death row.
Miranda: Yes I am. Dead woman fucking.

As they reach Carrie's front steps, Mrs. Cohen (a dilapidated old broad) comes waddling down to the sidewalk. Carrie runs up to help her. Apparently, she's the tenant moving out of the apartment next door, the one Aidan has purchased for them to live in as well as the one Carrie already rents. As Carrie takes her arm, Mrs. Cohen's snaps that she better tell her boy that she's not moving out for 30 days and if they don't like it, read the contract.

Carrie struggles through the barricaded doorway of her apartment when Aidan blurts out his "high how are you" questions already mentioned above, like a warm puppy. I mean shit, that's my impression. She glares at him and drops the bomb that "old lightening rod" next door isn't going anywhere for 30 days. Aidan jumps up and down, exasperated which launches Carrie into the WAY wrong idea that he thinks them living together is a bad idea. The writing here is brilliant because before Carrie can say it exactly like that, Aidan's suggestion isn't moving out, but cleaning out a portion of her closet. This is ugly. She was so close to fucking this up. And ya know I really can't wait until she does. I mean this guy has no idea (or so it seems) how not in love with him she is. I just don't understand why she continues to lull him into this false sense of security without any regard to the impending slice job he's about to experience at her hand, for the second time.

So now, together, they attempt to make some space for Aidan in her closet. He questions the validity of the clothes with price tags still on them, the myriad shoes that rival the Imelda Marcos collection and an extremely revealing little number that she remembers wearing once to a book signing in Union Square back in December of 1999. They banter back and forth and SJP seems extremely contrived. Maybe because it's the first episode but I have no idea if they film in order. Carrie's laid out clean towels on the floor of the bathroom for Aidan to put her shoes and she screams "CAREFUL" at the top of her lungs as he struggles to get them all down on a step ladder. Dangling off the stack is the mate of a long forgotten, blue, metallic pair which puts Carrie into a more optimistic mood. She can't seem to part with anything and finally gives in to throwing out the revealing little number that Aidan noticed earlier.

And just as it seems like Carrie will be able to accept all this, she walks into the bathroom to find Pete using a $380.00, circa 1996, turquoise shoe like a chew toy. Carrie completely loses her shit. Aidan runs in and scares Pete away. Carrie berates him and his little dog too. By now, Aidan is of course, defensive. He wonders what a dog's supposed to do with all her shit lying around here and their first real screaming match ensues. Your shit, my shit, his shit, her shit, blah blah blah. Aidan is of course lashing out at feeling pushed away and anytime Princess Bitch doesn't get her way, it's somebody else's fault so she lashes out harder. It's the Dysfunctional Argument Show! Sing along with me folks. Carrie's adamant to prove that Aidan's got more shit lying around than she does so she takes inventory of the bathroom. She rifles through a transitional box of his to find five kinds of almost empty speed stick, dead razors and "gasp," Rogaine. She didn't know his hair was falling out. He stiffens up like a good dose of Viagra and claims that it's preventive. She questions him again until he loses it, screaming that he doesn't want to talk about it and rips his box away from her. She narrates the unbelievable, unheard of discovery that not only women have secret single behavior... YA THINK?! Okay so now the show is run by retards? This is a discovery for someone much younger than Carrie and not even worth writing about, let alone mentioning. He accuses her again of not letting him in and she dances around in a circle, big arms, pointing out how much she's let him in. He can't believe that she's fighting him about a stupid outfit and she says, "Shut up." There's a whole bunch of other stuff said but that's all we and Aidan hear and we're collectively stuck there unlike the rambling Miss B. And she keeps going! Doesn't he ever shut up? She's so sick and tired of him always talking, talking, talking. They both want to take a walk but Carrie storms out first and there's a comedic moment when after he's been left behind, the first thing Aidan does is kick her shoes and check his hair line in the mirror, somehow lightening up the moment.

Well it's a miracle. As I started to roll my eyes at her ensuing hissey fit, I remembered what it was like to live with someone for the first time. BUT I was a tad more welcoming and accommodating and my boyfriend hadn't proposed or put the God damned hope diamond on my finger OR acquired my apartment and the one next door for us to live in.

Over at yet another smudged up but "perfect" couple's domain, Trey comes home with a gift for Charlotte; a cardboard baby cutout. He thought they'd have a chuckle. I'm glad that I watched this with my Mom because she had a different immediate reaction than I did. I understand Trey's need to find some happiness and move on, it didn't really bother me. I thought that was his way of dealing with it. My Mother on the other hand hissed out, "insensitive bastard." More on this later.

At her apartment, dead woman fucking slathers on the vaseline, slips on the gloves, mutes the infomercials and calls Walker to schedule a date for Friday at her apartment. Miranda's so confident she leaves the message on his machine.

Alone at home, Samantha dreamily eyes and fondles Richard's pink rose. She mournfully inhales its sensual aroma before she toughens up and throws it in the trash.

Seven hours later, Carrie comes back home and this time, she enters easily. Aidan had moved the boxes out of the doorway. She's happy about this and stops to greet Aidan who is apparently not speaking to her. Realizing this, she throws her keys on the desk where he sits. As she steps over Pete she gives him the most hilarious "don't fuck with me" evil eye.

Friday has arrived and Charlotte's "just girls" event is now. So's Miranda's last chance for sex. Carrie brings the tribe up to speed on her fight with Aidan. It's been three days since they've spoken and she'll be damned if she says something first. Charlotte pipes in that she and Trey hardly ever yell, they're W.A.S.P.s and don't yell. It's genetic. She then offers up some more salad but Miranda demands to know what the main course is. Carrie tells her to relax and chew, she'll get laid and besides, she's not meeting Walker until ten. It's beef with Thai noodles and Miranda loves that idea. Shockingly, Samantha somehow finds this to be the perfect segue to announce that Richard's considering opening up a hotel in Thailand. They patronizingly stare and there's an uncomfortable silence until Carrie assures Samantha that it's perfectly okay to like a guy. Samantha insists it's simply not true via yet another triple X description of Richard's dick and cue Trey. Forgetting that it was girl's night, he walks into his own dining room. Woops.

Trey comes around to kiss Charlotte hello who winces away. He verbalizes that she's still mad at him and feels comfortable enough to ask the girls if Charlotte told them about the baby. She did not thank you very much. Trey dives in further because he wants their opinion. He explains that he wanted to cheer her up and Charlotte butts in to remind him that it wasn't funny. You see, they were so tense about not being able to have one that he gave her a cardboard baby. Nothing but blank, rolling stares and throat gulps from the gallery. Carrie's stunned, Samantha chokes something back and Miranda seethes. Silence. Trey singles out Carrie because she's funny, right? It's not funny ha-ha, but silly. Her face works, but Carrie remains silent. Trey's dying out here so he suggests bringing it out to show them, then maybe they'll get it. Charlotte screams for him not to bring "that thing" in here while Trey begs for her to understand that it's silly, silly, silly. Oh well, not to Charlotte. How would he like it if she showed them a cardboard cut out of his flaccid penis. Yipes! That's when my Mother made her point. Charlotte considers herself barren so the fake baby idea was an ugly reminder to her of that fact. I myself don't see that that's what Trey meant to convey. At worst, he's negligent but definitely not malicious. And besides, his penis is flaccid no more. Regardless, mortified, Trey storms out of the room but still in sight of the girls. Charlotte runs after him screaming that she'll kill him if he gets the baby. Trey heatedly whispers that he cannot believe that she said that in front of her friends. Charlotte retorts that her friends already know about his flaccid penis and frankly, they're sick and tired of hearing about it. Samantha, Carrie and Miranda are probably about as mortified as Trey at this point and push away from the dinner table. Just then, Samantha gets a call from Richard and they all bail on the W.A.S.P.s nest. They can still hear Charlotte and Trey arguing as they leave.

Samantha runs to Richard's roof-top penthouse to find him waiting for her by the pool. She wants to know what's so important. "This," and with a sedate flourish, he waves his arm and the camera lands on an intimate table for two. A wondrous view of the city rises up behind a bottle of champagne cooling in a bucket. Samantha is stunned. She wants no part of that. That turns everything into a big, screaming mess. They are work and sex, nothing more. "Now kindly take off those pants, and show me your dick." Richard steps in and says, "I'll show you mine if you show me yours." With a sarcastic shrug, Samantha drops her dress and boom, she's naked in heels. Three seconds later so's Richard and for a split second, we see all his business. Samantha sways over to the pool, gets out of her shoes and dives in. Richard follows.

Back at the temporary Bradshaw/Shaw bunker, Carrie crawls into bed with Aidan. The freakshow at the MacDougal's has had an affect on her. She lays on top of his back and apologizes, as does he.

I don't know the significance of this, but the show wraps up with Carrie sleeping in her clothes which segues into Charlotte throwing the cardboard baby at Trey while he attempts to sleep in the guest room. She then spends an old familiar hour contemplating her pores in a magnified mirror no longer carrying what Trey thinks. Miranda gets laid right in half by Walker, her last meal.

After a full night of water-sports, the sun rising, Richard asks Samantha to dance. With a flick of a remote, slow music pipes out onto the roof. Samantha whispers his name in protest but he plays boss and orders her to dance with him. Oh, alright. In their terry clothe robes they embrace and Samantha looks everywhere but at him. She slinks her hand down to the opening of his robe but he stops her, and brings her hand up into proper waltz position, on his shoulder. Narration says, "Samantha finally threw in the towel. All this time she was trying to make him the perfect dick. Fighting her feelings that he might be the perfect Richard." Kim Cattrall has a genius subtly. Not a word and we see her inner struggle and then her surrender to the idea of love in this moment. Yeah, I was moved.

Carrie comes home to Aidan's surface question barrage (her take on it, not mine) and finally does something about it. She nicely asks him to pretend that she's not here for one whole hour after she gets home. She needs to decompress, be alone for awhile. Since they're stuck in this cramped space for the next month, she's just gonna pull the sheer curtains between the living and bed rooms. All he has to do is just pretend that she's not there. She sits on the bed, breathes a sigh of relief and then gets up. She peaks through the curtains and asks him what he's doing. Out she comes. Narration says, "That's the thing about needs, sometimes when you get them met, you don't need them anymore.

Over the next 30 days, they managed not to kill each other. But as Carrie leaves the apartment one day, she tosses one dead plant into the trash. She's also wearing the little number we thought she threw out for Aidan at the beginning of the show.


Samantha (on her knees in Richard's office): Da ist ein shoener perfekta schwanz.

Miranda: Okay I reeeeeaaaally need to have sex with him now. Next time he gets back in town I'll be too big and he won't want to. Nothing puts a man off sex like pregnancy. This is my last chance. Last chance for sex.
Carrie: You're not on death row.
Miranda: Yes I am. Dead woman fucking.

Miranda on Samantha actually liking a guy: Oh my God we're gonna have to ice skate home. Hell just froze over.