Miranda on Samantha actually liking a guy: Oh my God we're gonna have to ice skate home. Hell just froze over.

Samantha (on her knees in Richard's office): Da ist ein shoener perfekta schwanz.

Miranda: Okay I reeeeeaaaally need to have sex with him now. Next time he gets back in town I'll be too big and he won't want to. Nothing puts a man off sex like pregnancy. This is my last chance. Last chance for sex.
Carrie: You're not on death row.
Miranda: Yes I am. Dead woman fucking.

Miranda: He couldn't remember my name?
Carrie: Maybe you should have shown him both boobs.

Samantha on a dating service ad that was mailed to Carrie: That's the postal equivalent to a drive by shooting.

On Carrie's birthday, Samantha on her filling out the age portion of a survey: Honey, welcome to my box.

Carrie on masturbating to George Clooney: Clooney's like a Chanel suit, he'll always be in style.

Drunken Birthday Girl at a restaurant: Twenty five!? FUCK I'm old!

Carrie: I'm thirty five.
Samantha: Oh shut the fuck up, I'm a hundred and forty.

Lynn Cameron (Fashion Show Producer played by Margaret Cho): You're fucking doing my show if I have to hunt you down, skin you alive and have one of the other models wear you.

Samantha: This photo is just for me! So that when I'm old and my tits are in my shoes I can say, "damn I was hot."

Charlotte: I was a teen model when the Ralph Lauren store opened in New Haven.
Miranda: Okay, it was amazing that I could keep my lunch down just now.

Anthony on his cell (Charlotte's wedding dress stylist): Sorry, thought it was my Mother. FIFTEEN phone calls to make sure I get her the cheapest possible sheets from Bed, Bath and Friggin Beyond!

O (Dolce & Gabbana Designer played by Alan Cumming): Oh look what the pussy's dragged in.

Samantha: Who knows, he's a man. You could lay your pussy on a table right in front of one and still not know what he's thinking.

Anthony (Charlotte's wedding dress stylist): What, because he's gay and I'm gay? Look let me clear something up for you. I'm a nice little package. I have good arms and a high, tight ass. I could do a lot better.

Stanford: OH MY GOD she's fashion roadkill!

Charlotte on Samantha's new relationship: I don't think she's a lesbian, I think she just ran out of men.

Miranda: Can't you bring it up?
Charlotte: Noooo! We finally got the penis working. I don't wanna scare it!

Miranda: Yeah a finger is more like a third of dick so technically Maria has three and a third dicks.

Charlotte: TREY! I'm tired of being married to your penis. I'm a person! And this is supposed to be a relationship! And I am DONE walking on eggshells. Ooooooo, don't talk about moving in, in front of the penis cause it might go soft. And, and the penis likes this and the penis doesn't like that and THE PENIS WANTS TO BE MEASURED!

Samantha: Well what am I supposed to say, "hi this is my lesbian lover and p.s. I'm done with dick?"

Charlotte on Bunny's decorating style: It's like we live in the museum of natural ugliness!"

Maria: You call this a relationship?
Samantha: Well it's tedious and the sex is dwindling so from what I've heard, yes.

Samantha: Would it be bad to have a martini with my muscle relaxant or bad in a good way?"

Samantha referring to her baby-talk talking lover: I finally had to sit on his face to shut him up!

Samantha: And you should see the bush on him. I need a weedwacker just to find his dick!

Samantha: Every time I blow you I feel like I'm flossing.

Samantha on having an orgasm every time she has sex: Well I'll admit that I've had to polish myself off once or twice but yes! When I R.S.V.P. to a party I make it my business to come.

Charlotte: Those flowers were supposed to say "We're so sorry. We love you." Not, "Your dead let's disco."

Trey trying to have sex with Charlotte who wants him to conserve his juices for her impending ovulation: Darling, I'm juicy now!

Trey: People having sex in Connecticut? There's a first time for everything.

Samantha: What is it with the weekends now? I swear to God every guy I've fucked since Memorial Day wants to know what I'm doing this weekend. They just don't get it. My weekends are for meeting new guys so I don't have to keep fucking the old ones.

Samantha while milking a cow and squirting herself in the face: I usually get a little warning before that happens.

Samantha: These are guys, they don't talk they fight. They can't help it. It's all that crazy testosterone, God bless it.

Samantha on not getting hired because she's a woman: What does he think I'm gonna do? Get my period and ruin his empire?!

Steve on getting a replacement ball that's still in clinical trials: He says it's perfectly safe.
Miranda: That's what they said about the Ford Pinto. Think about it Steve, you want a Pinto near your penis?