The Lost Blog

Lost: The Night Before Christmas - Season Four

'Twas the night before Christmas, and things are quite tense,
Time to prepare for the Island's defense,
Ben's furniture stacked by the front door with care,
That door won't be opened - not even for Claire,

Charles Widmore's freighter drifts miles offshore,
Engines destroyed by Ben's spy saboteur,
Along with the kitchen and radio room,
Leaving nothing but lima beans left to consume,

The survivors are split between Jack and John Locke,
Some think they'll be rescued, some know that's a crock,
Sayid meets with Locke offering Miles as trade,
Locke feeds the prisoner a breakfast grenade,

For recovering Charlotte, Lapidus agreed,
To fly to the freighter both Des and Sayid,
En route to the freighter, some lightning appeared,
Then Desmond began acting totally weird,

He called Daniel Faraday seeking some knowledge,
Then visits him eight years ago at a college,
His consciousness drifts between present and past,
He'll die if he can't find a constant real fast,

Back at the barracks, the onslaught commences,
Keamy makes Alex disable the fences,
He kills all the redshirts to prove that he's tough,
Then executes Alex when Ben calls his bluff,

Ben stares for a moment, caught up in his grief,
Says "He changed the rules", in shocked disbelief,
Then quick as a wink, Ben sprung into action,
Unleashed the smoke monster to cause a distraction,

Ben kneels beside Alex, a tear in his eye,
Tells her "I'm sorry" and kissed her goodbye,
When he had finished paying respects,
Set out to ask Jacob what to do next,

Locke entered the cabin - Ben didn't bother,
He didn't see Jacob, just Claire and Jack's father,
Who said Locke's arrival had been long awaited,
Then told him the Island must be relocated,

They made their way to the Orchid station,
Where Keamy's army was already waiting,
Ben led them to ambush, just like Jack Bauer,
While Locke passed the time away seeking a flower,

Locke tried to convince Jack that he shouldn't leave,
Then said "To protect all you'll have to deceive",
With Ben at his side, Locke slowly descended,
To the underground station as Jacob intended,

After repeatedly puncturing Keamy's big throat,
Ben Linus retrieved a plush red winter coat
And shiny black boots, a belt, and a hat,
Locke laughed and told Ben that would make him look fat,

But Locke wasn't prepared for what he heard next,
A shocking development that left him perplexed,
"These aren't for me John, these clothes are for you,
Jacob's decided my time here is through,

Where I'm going John, it is sunny and warm,
This silly outfit's your new uniform,
The Island's all yours John, you're special because,
You have been picked as the next Santa Clause,

The Others will listen, and do as you say,
They'll help feed the reindeer, and load up your sleigh,
Rich Alpert will be there to give you advice,
And Jacob will tell you who's naughty and nice,

Get out of here John, before anyone sees ya,
I'll first move the Island, then head to Tunisia,
I'll hunt down and execute Charles Widmore's daughter,
To get my revenge for Alex's slaughter",

Locke's face turned bright red and his hands shook with rage,
He roared and he stomped like a bear in a cage,
Once he had calmed and regained his composure,
Locke asked Ben some questions in search of some closure,

"Are you telling me that it's my destiny,
To place Christmas gifts under everyone's tree?
Is this what all of these lists have been for?
I'm supposed to be Santa? There has to be more!!"

Ben said "That's the path for which you've been chosen"
He then turned a donkey wheel that was frozen,
Just before fading in sparkling gold glitter,
He told poor John Locke "Please don't be bitter,

At least you will not have to do this too often,
In less than four years, you'll wind up in a coffin"
Happy Holidays,

Can this be true? Am I actually first?

#1. Posted by: BunnyLover at December 26, 2008 10:50 AM

Vacc - your Night Before Christmas was absolutely brilliant! Loved it!! Hope you and all the Mac Lost Bloggers had a happy and safe Christmas (or the holiday of your choosing) and will have a wonderful New Year. Afterall, January and the premiere of LOST is just around the corner.

Again Vacc, that was an EXCELLENT poem. Kudos!

#2. Posted by: BunnyLover at December 26, 2008 10:56 AM

That was great, vacc! incredible. how long did it take you? Thanks and a Merry Christmas to you!
Looking forward to Season 5. Happy New Year to all!

#3. Posted by: berkyo at December 27, 2008 10:06 PM

Vacc - That was amazing. For any normal person it would seem as though that would have taken a year to write, but considering your skill level, I'll guess you got it in one try... within 30 minutes.

Happy Holidays everyone!

#4. Posted by: ilovebenjaminlinusxx at December 28, 2008 10:50 AM

@berkyo #3 >> how long did it take you?

Much of it popped into my head when I woke up (after falling asleep watching LOST on DVD) then took about 2 hours to complete.

Also forgot to mention that this is the 2nd installment of Night Before Xmas.

The first part - written during Season Three - explains how the previous Santa met his demise.

If anyone missed that one it's at

23 days till season five!!!!

#5. Posted by: vacc at December 28, 2008 10:56 PM


Was that the S-4 DVD's? I just finished digesting mione, over the Christmas holidays.

#6. Posted by: Cecil at December 29, 2008 1:22 PM

@cecil #6 : Not S-4, I'm saving that for next week. I was watching S-3, eps 5&6 (Which is where LOST split up the season, and when I wrote part 1) Some lines from what I wrote back then got stuck in my head, so I continued the saga when I woke up.

#7. Posted by: vacc at December 29, 2008 8:54 PM

This was HILARIOUS, I haven't laughed this hard in a while. But, you forgot to mention the O6 people on the chopper and Jin on the freighter. Any way we can convince you to do "The Night Before New Year's" as a Part II...???

#8. Posted by: Chinita at December 31, 2008 2:34 PM

@Chinita #8 : I actually edited out a few verses that included the O6, Sawyers
plunge, Jin and the freighter - partly because this was getting too long - plus I wasn't as happy with how those lines sounded compared to everything else. I'll be sure to wrap up their stories in next years edition, which I hope you'll enjoy just as much.

Until then, I'll fill in the gap with my Gilligan's Island parody of the O6 cover story from the press conference.

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale... of the Oceanic Six...

Our flight crashed in the ocean...
And sank like a ton of bricks...

Though eight escaped from the sinking wreck... only Six survived...

Since Aaron wasn't born just yet...
That means three others died..
...three others died...

The plane was found in the Sunda Trench... Right off the Bali Coast...

If not for the courage of our hero Kate
We would all be LOST..
We would all be LOST...

We washed up on the shore of some
Membata tropic Isle..

Baby Aaron... Jack Shephard too...
A Millionaire... and Jin's wife...
The Fugitive... and a torturer from Iraq

We're the Oceanic Six!!

#9. Posted by: vacc at January 1, 2009 11:34 AM

Vacc--you are AMAZING!!! I just LOL'd here in my office and the people that are in turned around & looked at me like I'm nuts. Can't wait for your next post!!!

#10. Posted by: Chinita at January 2, 2009 3:12 PM

BEHIND THE JACKPOT; Divide And Conquer: Movie sweepstake Titans

#11. Posted by: DavidDP at January 11, 2009 11:27 PM